Hershey’s is looking to hire a Senior Manager in “Foresight Activation.” Somebody who can see what trends will be happening in the future and make sure that Hershey acts on those trends.
They should hire me. President Hershey, this is my resume.
I see people eating chocolate bars. That is the trend. I will act on that trend by eating a chocolate bar.
The end.
Hire me.
Still not convinced?! Looking for something a little more radical? Okay, Hershey, try THIS on!
Think about how you get a TV show. It’s just info over the air. The same with Wi-Fi at home. Data just going through you.
Well! How about doing the same thing with chocolate bars! I was thinking of calling it Wonkavision. Or Wo-Fi.
That might not be legal. So, how about Hershyvision! And He-Fi!
If that’s not enough to convince you, here’s my last idea.
Put stuff in chocolate bars. Not just peanuts and caramel. Do a full-on nut bar! With peanuts, cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, and walnuts! Make it BIG.
Or do a seed bar with pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds!
Put in caramel and chocolate goo and gummy bears and popcorn and waffles and honey and maple syrup! You can even do it with the Kisses. Put a gummy bear in each one!
This is what the people want!
Now hire me.
I’m off work my activision.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
a tail of two species
Like me, you’ve probably gone to a farm, watched a chicken walk around, and thought, “That chicken is basically a Tyrannosaurus Rex with wings and a smaller tail.”
Well, you are right! Scientists have now created the Chicken Rex! They wanted to do some research about how the T-Rex walked, so they attached a dinosaur tail to some chickens to see what happened.
How awesome is that?! Imagine waking up as one of those chickens!
Chicken A: “Yawn! Wow. That was crazy. I had a dream that I was a dinosaur.”
Chicken B: “DUDE…I don’t want to alarm you. But that was no dream!”
Chicken A: “On my Perdue! It was real! I’m a dinosaur! Awesome!”
Chicken B: “We have to go show everybody!”
(a quick trip to the chicken coop)
Chicken A: “What’s up hens? Oh that? That’s just my dinosaur tail. No bigs. Anybody wanna ruffle some feathers?”
(starts to walk out of the coop)
Chicken A: “See you later Foghorn Leghorn! We’re gonna fly the coop!”
Foghorn: “I say, I say, I say, I say…now that’s a nice tail, boy!”
Don’t worry, they didn’t get far. They can’t drive. Or fly.
After watching the Chicken Rex for 12 weeks, scientists think they understand the T-Rex walk a little better.
If they want to do MORE research, I would be very willing to wear a dinosaur tail. Forever.
I really wish I had a tail. I have no idea why evolution got rid of it. Can you see any negatives of still having a tail? NO. Any positives? THOUSANDS.
I’m off to walk like a dinosaur.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Well, you are right! Scientists have now created the Chicken Rex! They wanted to do some research about how the T-Rex walked, so they attached a dinosaur tail to some chickens to see what happened.
How awesome is that?! Imagine waking up as one of those chickens!
Chicken A: “Yawn! Wow. That was crazy. I had a dream that I was a dinosaur.”
Chicken B: “DUDE…I don’t want to alarm you. But that was no dream!”
Chicken A: “On my Perdue! It was real! I’m a dinosaur! Awesome!”
Chicken B: “We have to go show everybody!”
(a quick trip to the chicken coop)
Chicken A: “What’s up hens? Oh that? That’s just my dinosaur tail. No bigs. Anybody wanna ruffle some feathers?”
(starts to walk out of the coop)
Chicken A: “See you later Foghorn Leghorn! We’re gonna fly the coop!”
Foghorn: “I say, I say, I say, I say…now that’s a nice tail, boy!”
Don’t worry, they didn’t get far. They can’t drive. Or fly.
After watching the Chicken Rex for 12 weeks, scientists think they understand the T-Rex walk a little better.
If they want to do MORE research, I would be very willing to wear a dinosaur tail. Forever.
I really wish I had a tail. I have no idea why evolution got rid of it. Can you see any negatives of still having a tail? NO. Any positives? THOUSANDS.
I’m off to walk like a dinosaur.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Thursday, February 13, 2014
smell ya later
Let me get nasally nostalgic on you here. Nasalgic, I think, is the technical term.
Do you ever smell something and it reminds you of a moment from your childhood? That happened to me the other day. First, some backstory. Don’t worry, it’s really quick.
When I was a kid, Sunday morning was Donut Morning! Then we would visit my grandfather and uncles. It was awesome.
See? Super short story! But you needed to know it because that is what I thought about the other day!
I went to the gym, and when I got out of the car, the smell in the air reminded me of one of those mornings. I am not totally sure why.
Now, it’s possible that there was something in the air that smelled like my grandfather’s house. Also, there IS a Dunkin’ Donuts near my gym. So the smell of donuts COULD have been around. (Also, a great marketing move!)
Oddly enough, there is also a food processing plant next door. Which smells like ketchup most of the time. I don’t think they make catsup, but I don’t ask questions…not after what happened last year.
Anywhooooo, the air smelled like Donut Sunday.
I tell you all of this because a company in Paris has created an oPhone! For olfactory funness where you can text smells to people! Instead of just texting an emoji of a cup of coffee, the phone will emit a coffee smell!
So far, they’ve sent the smell of bread, flowers, and “the smell of Paris 300 years ago.”
I’m not sure if that’s something you want to send. People didn’t really shower much back then, so…you know...not flowery.
You know what’s a better smell? Donut Sunday! That’s what I would like you to text me. Actually, just bring me a donut. And a coffee. And a sundae. On a Sunday. Just text me that every day is Donut Sunday. I don’t care if it smells. In fact, please make it NOT smell.
I’m off to wax nostalgic. With scented candle wax.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Do you ever smell something and it reminds you of a moment from your childhood? That happened to me the other day. First, some backstory. Don’t worry, it’s really quick.
When I was a kid, Sunday morning was Donut Morning! Then we would visit my grandfather and uncles. It was awesome.
See? Super short story! But you needed to know it because that is what I thought about the other day!
I went to the gym, and when I got out of the car, the smell in the air reminded me of one of those mornings. I am not totally sure why.
Now, it’s possible that there was something in the air that smelled like my grandfather’s house. Also, there IS a Dunkin’ Donuts near my gym. So the smell of donuts COULD have been around. (Also, a great marketing move!)
Oddly enough, there is also a food processing plant next door. Which smells like ketchup most of the time. I don’t think they make catsup, but I don’t ask questions…not after what happened last year.
Anywhooooo, the air smelled like Donut Sunday.
I tell you all of this because a company in Paris has created an oPhone! For olfactory funness where you can text smells to people! Instead of just texting an emoji of a cup of coffee, the phone will emit a coffee smell!
So far, they’ve sent the smell of bread, flowers, and “the smell of Paris 300 years ago.”
I’m not sure if that’s something you want to send. People didn’t really shower much back then, so…you know...not flowery.
You know what’s a better smell? Donut Sunday! That’s what I would like you to text me. Actually, just bring me a donut. And a coffee. And a sundae. On a Sunday. Just text me that every day is Donut Sunday. I don’t care if it smells. In fact, please make it NOT smell.
I’m off to wax nostalgic. With scented candle wax.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Monday, February 10, 2014
lunar herbs and spices
NASA has a problem: How can we feed people basil from the moon?
Seriously. THAT is a something they have been trying to figure out!
Why? Because NASA knows how to have a good thyme!
They want to get basil to grow on the moon because if they can do that, they might be able to get people on the moon! Because you can live off basil!
Well, maybe not, but it starts the idea of growing food on the moon. Which is what we really need if we plan on have an herb spa on the moon.
I’m totally cool with basil. Though, my favorite herbs and spices are oregano and cayenne pepper.
Also! As a bonus! We could use water from Mars to grow this stuff! The Mars rover Opportunity found out that fresh water was once on Mars. If we can find it again, why not use it for my moon chia herb garden?
We should just plant herbs all over the moon. Make it like the forest moon of Endor. The herb moon of Earth. Without Ewoks.
Unless we can find some Ewoks on our trip to Venus! Maybe they love tending herb gardens! Imagine going to the store and seeing spices grown on the moon with Martian water and prepared by Ewoks.
I would buy that every day.
We might be able to slice the price of spice since Google is involved with the program. They call it Google Spice. (Not actually true.)
OH! Now I wish the Spice Girls were getting back together and adding a computer savvy spice girl.
I like to experiment with my herbs and spices. If you come over, I'll spice up your life and do my best to curry in your favor.
I’m off to get my tarragon.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Seriously. THAT is a something they have been trying to figure out!
Why? Because NASA knows how to have a good thyme!
They want to get basil to grow on the moon because if they can do that, they might be able to get people on the moon! Because you can live off basil!
Well, maybe not, but it starts the idea of growing food on the moon. Which is what we really need if we plan on have an herb spa on the moon.
I’m totally cool with basil. Though, my favorite herbs and spices are oregano and cayenne pepper.
Also! As a bonus! We could use water from Mars to grow this stuff! The Mars rover Opportunity found out that fresh water was once on Mars. If we can find it again, why not use it for my moon chia herb garden?
We should just plant herbs all over the moon. Make it like the forest moon of Endor. The herb moon of Earth. Without Ewoks.
Unless we can find some Ewoks on our trip to Venus! Maybe they love tending herb gardens! Imagine going to the store and seeing spices grown on the moon with Martian water and prepared by Ewoks.
I would buy that every day.
We might be able to slice the price of spice since Google is involved with the program. They call it Google Spice. (Not actually true.)
OH! Now I wish the Spice Girls were getting back together and adding a computer savvy spice girl.
I like to experiment with my herbs and spices. If you come over, I'll spice up your life and do my best to curry in your favor.
I’m off to get my tarragon.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Thursday, February 6, 2014
aquari-yum
An aquarium in Dallas decided to feed jellyfish some peanut butter for a while to see what happened.
Guess what DID happen! That’s right! Peanut Butter Jellyfish!
They put peanut butter into the tank with the jellyfish and after the jellyfish absorbed all the peanut buttery goodness, they grew up to be big and strong peanut butter jellyfish!
Why do this? Because jellyfish were always kinda jealous (jellyous?) of crabs. Crabs can be made into cake. Everybody loves cake.
So, jellyfish wanted to be made into a beloved food as well.
Who wouldn’t?
I mean, I’m sure you remember the “Mole v. Horse” decision of ’39. The big court case on where “guaca” would end up.
Horses settled on “radish,” but they have never been happy with it.
I know it seems like having the word “jelly” in their name already makes them pretty sweet. But do you ever just eat jelly plain out of the jar?
You do? Yeah…me too. And we are totally normal.
But they wanted something with a little more kick. And THAT is why scientists like to feed peanut butter to jellyfish!
I hear that they are going to start feeding mackerels some noodles and cheese. Mackereloni and Cheese might be the next display we see at the aquarium.
I’m off to put some butter in the halibut tank.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Guess what DID happen! That’s right! Peanut Butter Jellyfish!
They put peanut butter into the tank with the jellyfish and after the jellyfish absorbed all the peanut buttery goodness, they grew up to be big and strong peanut butter jellyfish!
Why do this? Because jellyfish were always kinda jealous (jellyous?) of crabs. Crabs can be made into cake. Everybody loves cake.
So, jellyfish wanted to be made into a beloved food as well.
Who wouldn’t?
I mean, I’m sure you remember the “Mole v. Horse” decision of ’39. The big court case on where “guaca” would end up.
Horses settled on “radish,” but they have never been happy with it.
I know it seems like having the word “jelly” in their name already makes them pretty sweet. But do you ever just eat jelly plain out of the jar?
You do? Yeah…me too. And we are totally normal.
But they wanted something with a little more kick. And THAT is why scientists like to feed peanut butter to jellyfish!
I hear that they are going to start feeding mackerels some noodles and cheese. Mackereloni and Cheese might be the next display we see at the aquarium.
I’m off to put some butter in the halibut tank.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Monday, February 3, 2014
cake and vegetables
Happy National Carrot Cake Day! I am eating carrot cake right now. It is so good. Do you like carrot cake? Are you sure about that?
I was convinced that I did NOT like it. If you ever asked me to have a slice of carrot cake, I would have yelled, “Cake from a carrot?! Are you kidding?! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!”
And out loud, I would have said, “No thanks. I don’t like carrot cake.”
Well guess what! Both the loud voice inside my head and the voice that actually makes noises from my mouth would have been incorrect!
If you know me, you might have noticed that I’ve become a fan of pumpkin-related items lately. Like pie, muffins, cookies, and seeds. I distinctly remember not liking pumpkin pie as a kid. I can’t remember if I actually tried it, but I’m pretty sure I did. I’m also pretty sure I did not enjoy it.
Well, one day, my friend gave me a pumpkin cookie and I LOVED IT! So, I decided to retry some foods.
Because, as Shakespeare said, “doth not the appetite alter?” Apparently it doth! It dothed all over the place!
Feeling love for the pumpkins, I decided to try carrot cake again. Thank the good bard I did! It’s fantastic!
I mean, I love carrots. I literally eat them every day. And that’s not a “literally” that really means “figuratively.” It’s a very literal literally. Literally.
So why aren’t there other vegetable cakes? I love broccoli and peppers. Where are they?
OH! Just looked online and found that there is a beetroot cake AND a parsnip cake!
Parsnip is a fun word. Give me a minute. I’m going to say it a bunch of times.
…
Ok, back. And ready to get my cakes from vegetables! You should too! If you haven’t tried a food for a while, give it a shot. When I said I would die before eating carrot cake, I did not think I should live till I were caked with carrots!
I’m off to butcher more Shakespeare.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
I was convinced that I did NOT like it. If you ever asked me to have a slice of carrot cake, I would have yelled, “Cake from a carrot?! Are you kidding?! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!”
And out loud, I would have said, “No thanks. I don’t like carrot cake.”
Well guess what! Both the loud voice inside my head and the voice that actually makes noises from my mouth would have been incorrect!
If you know me, you might have noticed that I’ve become a fan of pumpkin-related items lately. Like pie, muffins, cookies, and seeds. I distinctly remember not liking pumpkin pie as a kid. I can’t remember if I actually tried it, but I’m pretty sure I did. I’m also pretty sure I did not enjoy it.
Well, one day, my friend gave me a pumpkin cookie and I LOVED IT! So, I decided to retry some foods.
Because, as Shakespeare said, “doth not the appetite alter?” Apparently it doth! It dothed all over the place!
Feeling love for the pumpkins, I decided to try carrot cake again. Thank the good bard I did! It’s fantastic!
I mean, I love carrots. I literally eat them every day. And that’s not a “literally” that really means “figuratively.” It’s a very literal literally. Literally.
So why aren’t there other vegetable cakes? I love broccoli and peppers. Where are they?
OH! Just looked online and found that there is a beetroot cake AND a parsnip cake!
Parsnip is a fun word. Give me a minute. I’m going to say it a bunch of times.
…
Ok, back. And ready to get my cakes from vegetables! You should too! If you haven’t tried a food for a while, give it a shot. When I said I would die before eating carrot cake, I did not think I should live till I were caked with carrots!
I’m off to butcher more Shakespeare.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)