on your way out

This is the email I got from my mother this morning:

"Hi,

Here is the music I want for my funeral.

Be Not Afraid
Hosea
Ave Maria
When the Saints Go Marchin' In

They may give you a hard time about the last one, but I really want it sung on my way out.  (bad pun!)

Have a nice day!!!

Love,
Mom"

Sooooooooo...that's my mom! She is pretty amazing. I mean, seriously, who decides that their last moments above ground should be a bad pun?!

MY MOTHER DOES! So if you ever wondered why I turned out the way I did, this should reveal A LOT.

It's a rare day that you wake up, go to work, and check your email to find a message from your mother about her funeral.

Best part? Ending it with "Have a nice day!!!" Not one, not TWO, BUT THREE exclamation points!

Still no email from Dad about his songs. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about any songs at his funeral. Or a funeral in general. He probably just wants his ashes put on a cruise ship that travels the world.

He loves cruises. I think it's the towel animals that make it so much fun for him. Or maybe that's me.

I love my parents. I don't think they know how NOT to be amazing. And hilarious.

Hopefully you get emails about funeral mix tapes from your parents, too.

If not, you should write one to them. Trust me. They'll find it funny.

I'm off to march the saint in.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

how low can you go?

You thought I was done talking about low stuff?! You were wrong!

If you thought the sink was bad news, wait until you hear about the TV situation!

I'm not a tall guy. I'd say average heighth and width and depth. Well...I'm pretty deep. Maybe deeper than deep. If you read some of my poetry, you would know that.

"The mind can search far for the eyes to see
an ocean of knowledge in a star sea."

Deep, right? I thought so. All that talk about oceans and stars and seas. They all have a lot of deepyness.

I was watching TV this weekend and decided to sit on the floor. Because, you know, we deepers do that sometimes. Guess what I found out?

TV is SOOOOO much better from a lower perspective! Seriously! SO GOOD!

Go on...try it...I'll wait...

See what I mean?!

I'm not sure how to get the TV higher, though. THAT is where I run into trouble. I don't know what to do. Those giant TV bookshelves are too low. I need to get one of those wall mount things and put it near the ceiling. THAT would be AWESOME!

I should be a designerator of the homes. Because my ideas might finally bring world peace. Or something like that. Better posture, perhaps.

Also, my dad agrees with me on the sink thing. So there's a 50/50 chance he'd hire me to design his sinks and TV holders. Unless he finds somebody who actually knows what they're doing. Let's hope he doesn't. I would love a designer's salary.

I'm off to sit up straight.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj