beware the power of cheese

So…um…what’s your name? Is it Cheese? I truly, madly, deeply hope not.

I just found out that the name “Cheese” (yes, people actually consider that as a viable name for a human baby) has had a 450% increase over the past year.

I can’t find the actual numbers, but it does say that out of every 500,000 parents, nine babies are named Cheese.

I do believe that is eight too many. I think one per 500,000 is an acceptable number of Cheese babies in the world. I understand there are some people who REALLY love cheese. Like, insanely love it.

For those few people, name your baby Cheese. I’m surprisingly ok with that.

But the rest of you! WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU NEED TO NAME YOUR BABY "CHEESE?"

Looking into strange baby names, fewer people named their children Superman than Cheese. Seriously. Cheese beat Superman! How does that even happen?!

I have no idea how to react to that news. Other names that are less popular, but still used, include Butterbean, Hotdog, and Elbow.

Now, I like creative names for kids. I don’t even mind different spellings of names. Or combining two names to make some strange new one. Whatever. They’re your kids.

But what happened this year to make Cheese so popular? Did I miss some big cheese-related occurrence? Is there a famous actress named Cheese? Did people forget that cheese is a dairy product and think it is a brand name of some orange or moldy snack?

The world confuses me sometimes. Almost as often as cheese does.

I’m off to be the cheese.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

this is not a bill

I'm not sure what it is. I got it in the mail.

It's some sort of medical thing. It said I went to the doctor in May. MAY! I suppose that's possible. But how am I supposed to remember that?! That's, like, forevers ago!

I usually get not-bills after a month or so. And when I'm unbilled for something, it's nice to know that I don't have a bill.

Now I'm wondering WHY I don't have a bill. Before they made me aware of my not getting billed, I didn't know there was something to not get billed for. Now that I know, I want to know what I'm not paying for!

I probably should have gone for a memory test. Maybe it was a forgetting procedure. Luckily, it worked, because I'm lost.

Why do I get things that are not a bill? Why doesn't it just say what it is? I guess when you get mail that has big money numbers on it, you want to know that you don't have to pay for it.

Why do other things tell me what they aren't? Like non-dairy creamer? When something is not something, it could be anything. When something IS something, it is something.

Do people worry about dairy that much? I know some people are intolerant towards dairy. And even though I practice dairy tolerance, I understand the desire not to have dairy. But couldn't you just say it's "vegetable fat and sodium caseinate" creamer?

I mean, if you can't sell your creamer with a catchy name like that, you shouldn't be selling vegetable fat and sodium caseinate, my friend!

I would love to get a bill that said it was non-dairy. And have a creamer that was not a bill.

I suppose that may have already happened, but I non-remembered. Thanks to those doctor visits I may have had in May.

I'm off to get billed...or unbilled.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj