reverse my mortgage

I saw a commercial the other day for a reverse mortgage. I don’t remember what I was watching, but it was very late at night when I couldn’t sleep. Also, I was taking medication for allergies. So the whole night is sorta blurry and fuzzy and pinkish.

I’m pretty sure this commercial was real. I also did a search online for reverse mortgages and found out that they do exist!

The commercial said that you don’t pay your mortgage anymore. They pay YOU the monthly mortgage! And you still own your home!

Why isn’t everybody doing this?! I’m no genius, but if somebody says that they’ll give me the title to a house AND pay me the monthly mortgage payments, I’m going to take that deal!

You know what else should be reversed? My electric bill. That would be awesome. The electric company should be paying me to use their electricity! They should be thanking me taking all that electricity off their hands!

I mean, really, what are they going to do with it? Shock stuff? If I didn’t siphon all that electricity away from them to power my electric razor and electric toothbrush and electric spoon and electric chair and electric door and electric soap, things might just explode!

I’m doing THEM a favor!

Oh! I have an idea! I’m going buy, like, 67 houses and turn all the lights and vacuums and microwaves on and stuff!

I’ll make TONS of money! Just sitting around doing nothing!

Then, I’ll make a DVD that I’ll sell on TV telling people how they can get rich just like me!

Then I’ll buy a yacht and sail the world with a bunch of friendly chinchilla pirates who love to count money and eat baby carrots!

I know that earlier I said, "I’m no genius." Strike that. Reverse it. I’m totally a genius.

I’m off to take more allergy meds.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

i wanna golf like it's 1899

I was reading a book. I know, pretty rad. But, while reading said book, I came across a word that made my toes tingle with excitement.

Mashie Niblick.

Okay, so it's kinda like two words, but still, you feel the tingle.

The mashie niblick is a golf club! I know! How awesome is that! Golf clubs used to have SUPER FUN NAMES! I guess the game wasn't boring enough, so they stopped using cool names and decided to call all of them woods and irons.

But did you know that there used to be a Brassie?! YEAH! You might even hit something with a Spoon! Maybe take a few shots with a Jigger!

Okay, that last sentence sounds more like a night at a bar, but isn't that how golf usually ends (OOOOOOH! GOLF ZINGER!)

It would be sooooo much more fun listening to the announcers, too.

"Well Berthold, it looks like he's going to play with his Cleek here."

" Yes Shelby, but it would probably be better if he used his Mashie."

"Really Berthold. That's the club you would use. REALLY?! Why don't you just suggest his Baffing Spoon! That would make just as much sense! ...mashie...I work with a bunch of niblicks..."

"..."

WOAH! Those old-time golf announcers are mean! But way more fun!

I'm off to play with my Mashie Niblick.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj