big hole in one

A man named Mark King apparently decided that golf needed to be updated. And he updated it with bigger holes.

That’s right! Bigger holes! It’s called Big-Hole Golf! Instead of the tiny 4.25-inch hole, he made it a whopping 15 inches!

Apparently, there has been a huge decline in people playing golf. Probably because it takes too long and the hole is SO TINY. They figure that people waste about a third of their game on the green. Big holes make that part go much faster.

They also think it will attract more kids. Like when you lower the rim of a basketball hoop. Or start baseball by hitting the ball off a tee. (Or is that just Big-Ball Golf?)

I think this is a great idea. I used to play golf. It’s a pain. And it takes FOREVER. How am I supposed to binge-watch Adventure Time if I have to stand over a tiny hole all day?

Exactly! I can’t!

That’s part of the reason I don’t play golf anymore. The other part is that I STINK. Seriously. I do.

I was actually on the golf team in high school. When I say that, I don’t mean I got to play competitively. I didn’t. The coach knew better than to let me compete against another school. I just hit balls at the driving range. (Trust me, that was a smart move on his part.)

He also didn’t like me because I would show up late on Tuesdays. Because I played cello and we had orchestra practice on Tuesday after school.  I came in one day and he said, “Where were you? Playing piccolo?”

I just laughed and laughed! I mean, seriously! HA! He confused a woodwind instrument with a string instrument? HAHA! Comedy gold!

He clearly didn’t get the joke. Another reason why he didn't like me.

I’m off to putt in the key of C.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

i wanna golf like it's 1899

I was reading a book. I know, pretty rad. But, while reading said book, I came across a word that made my toes tingle with excitement.

Mashie Niblick.

Okay, so it's kinda like two words, but still, you feel the tingle.

The mashie niblick is a golf club! I know! How awesome is that! Golf clubs used to have SUPER FUN NAMES! I guess the game wasn't boring enough, so they stopped using cool names and decided to call all of them woods and irons.

But did you know that there used to be a Brassie?! YEAH! You might even hit something with a Spoon! Maybe take a few shots with a Jigger!

Okay, that last sentence sounds more like a night at a bar, but isn't that how golf usually ends (OOOOOOH! GOLF ZINGER!)

It would be sooooo much more fun listening to the announcers, too.

"Well Berthold, it looks like he's going to play with his Cleek here."

" Yes Shelby, but it would probably be better if he used his Mashie."

"Really Berthold. That's the club you would use. REALLY?! Why don't you just suggest his Baffing Spoon! That would make just as much sense! ...mashie...I work with a bunch of niblicks..."

"..."

WOAH! Those old-time golf announcers are mean! But way more fun!

I'm off to play with my Mashie Niblick.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj