vampires know science

A recent study on mice found that putting the blood of younger mice into older mice reversed their aging.

Yes! This might be the plot to a bad horror movie.

It is also real science! These scientists found that the blood of the younger mice gave the older mice stronger muscles and brains. The research is very interesting even though it’s mildly (very) creepy.

Now we know why vampires live so long! I mean, everybody is basically younger than a vampire!

You know what would be a great movie? The Umpire Vampire.

Scene: Late at night after a baseball game. It’s dark and the last person to leave the locker room is one of the players.

Umpire: Hello pitcher.

Player: I’m not the pitcher. I’m the shortstop.

Umpire: Oh, I didn’t mean your position. I meant that we will fill this pitcher…WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Player: NOOOOOOOO!

Sounds of blood being drained.

Umpire: (standing over lifeless body) You’re out…OF BLOOD!

Those are the only two jokes I have relating to baseball and vampires. So that’s pretty much the whole movie.

Also, the umpire stays young. Because science.

My next movie idea is about a unicorn that is also a vampire. It’ll be part of a trilogy. And the last movie will be two movies. Because everybody does a 4-part trilogy now.

I’m off to cast the vampicorn.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the guam invasion

Snakes have invaded Guam. And there’s only one team that can fix it.

A crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These mice promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles undergr…wait…that’s the A-Team.

Sorry, sometimes I get my soldiers of fortuneses confusedes.

What is REALLY happening is that these secret agent mice are going to parachute into the heart of Guam with a secret weapon.

N-acetyl-para-aminophenol. Code Name: Tylenol. Safe in small doses for aches and pains. Deadly to snakes whether they have aches and/or pains.

The mice signed up for this mission knowing that there was no chance of coming back home. But that’s how mice are. They knew that the only way to get a snake to eat the N-acetyl-para-aminophenol was to ingest it themselves.

Like a Trojan Horse. But smaller. And more over-the-countery.

The Mouse Paratroopers dropped into Guam and there they will remain until the fight is done.

Once it is done, Guam can get back to exporting copra and textiles.

So next time you see a mouse on the street, tip your hat and say, “Thank You.” They’ll appreciate that.

If you are not wearing a hat, buy one, then tip it.

And if you have a problem. And if no one else can help.

Gah! I did it again!

I’m off to call the A-Team.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

singing for peace

Have you ever been to the cloud forests of Central America? No? You really should check it out. It’s quite a sight.

I’ve never been there, but I did look up pictures online. That’s almost just like being there for realsies.

I did not know this, but biologists have been wondering “why some animals are found in particular places and not others.”

I’m not kidding! That’s the actual quote from the story! They want to know this!

Turns out, singing mice have given them the answer!

There are these mice in the forest that straighten up to look at the sky and start to sing. It’s a high-pitched tweeting sounding thing. No, not the notification sound you hear when you get a tweet. More like a birdie tweeting from a tree.

They look up and sing and this keeps other mice away so there is no fighting for land.

Though, if two mice wanted the same spot, wouldn’t they fight for it? But, they don’t even bother if one is singing there? So…why even fight in the first place?

Again, I’m not a biologist, so I can’t follow mousey logic. I CAN say that my logic is very similar, though!

Whenever I’m about to get into a fight, I sing in a very high-pitched voice. Usually Close To You by The Carpenters.

Doesn’t work too well with humans. But I’ve never been in a fight with a mouse after my singing, so I guess it DOES work!

I’m off to find out why birds suddenly appear.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

that's a lot of limbs

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the heads of animals used for research. Because sometimes Science does really cool stuff!

Have you ever heard of the coelacanth? It's a pretty famous fish. They THOUGHT it died with the dinosaurs, but it totally didn't! It was just relaxing in the Comoros Islands in the Indian Ocean!

And who can blame them?! I mean, if everybody I knew was going to go and extinct themselves, I would probably go and relax on some island somewhere and not be bothered by an extincting.

Once scientists found these fish, experiments HAD to happen! They found that some DNA in the fish "doesn't code for proteins, but somehow turns genes on and off."

I have no idea what that means, but when you put that DNA into mice, it can turn ON the genes that make limbs!

The article is strangely silent on whether the limbs were actually needed or not. I don't know if these were mice that lost a limb and had it grown back OR if there are now mice with 7 legs and 4 tails.

Possibly a bread tail. (That is funny if you read what I wrote earlier this week. Well, maybe not FUNNY funny, but kinda funny.)

As exciting as this is, it's also VERY scary. This is how Dr. Curt Connors became the Lizard. Well, with lizard DNA, not coelacanth.

Maybe if he did that, he'd become the Coelacanth. Not as easy to say. And maybe not as scary. Since he would be a fish and have to live underwater. I suppose he could attack people on the beach, but I think he would probably go relax at the Comoros Islands.

It's too bad his research was so lizardy.

I'm off to grow some limbs.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj