heating the pain away

I hurt myself the other day. I pulled something.

Well, I didn't actively pull something. Like a car out of a ditch. Or a sword out of a stone (even though I could totally do that). I hurt a muscle in my shoulder. (I'm totally muscular, too.) Probably tearing some of the tendons and stuff.

Whatever I did, it hurt. I decided to get a heating pad. I got this thing that I microwave and then rest it on my shoulder. It's awesome.

It's by Bed Buddy. With a teddy bear picture!

I love teddy bears. I totally respect a group that enjoys picnics. I mean, who goes on picnics?

Teddy bears do. I don't mean buying some food and then eating it outside. Teddy bears go full-on picnic. Blankets, baskets, dance, shout. And they literally do this all day. Until 6pm. Then their mommies and daddies get them home to bed.

Because, you know, they've just been hardcore picnicking for hours.

Then they rest and warm up torn muscles.

Also, my heating wrap thing smells like popcorn. Because I only use my microwave to heat up water, popcorn, and this Bed Buddy.

Too bad teddy bears don't smell like popcorn. That could be bad, though. When they're in the forest having a good picnic, the smell of popcorn might attract wildebeests. And you don't want them at a picnic. They're very rude and tend to eat all the cupcakes.

Stinky wildebeests. Go have your own picnic. With the toucans. They're meanies, too.

I'm off to warm my muscles.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

ice cold beverages

Why do they still advertise stuff being "ice cold?" Is that really a draw?

There was a commercial for a food place that said you should get "fries and an ice cold" soda!

ICE COLD! Because they have ice to make it cold!

Now, I know there was a time before ice was invented that people could only get cold beverages during the winter months. And that was ONLY when they drank them outdoors!

But ice was invented a long time ago! At least 30 years ago! You can't throw a jar of mustard without hitting ice these days!

This might be because ice is so prevalent that throwing anything will hit it. It might also be because I throw mustard around every time I go to the supermarket and it eventually hits one of those big bags of ice that they keep in the freezer section.

Oh, and I only throw the dijon kind. Because, you know, I'm a fan of French stuff.

Did you know that Alexandre Gustave Eiffel was born in Dijon? Yep. He ALMOST made the Mustard Tower. But did not. Because it wasn't his name.

ALSO! Dijon, France has the International and Gastronomic Fair every year! Which sounds gross, but isn't. Gastronomy is actually the "art or science of eating food." Yep. It's like astronomy, but with a "G." Both have gasses, but different kids.

That's a disgusting joke and I apologize for it.

Luckily, in Dijon, and the rest of the world, if you want an "ice cold" jar of mustard, you can have that. Because we have things like freezers and refrigerators.

It's like promoting that you have doors.

"Come to our store! We have doors! You can actually walk inside and keep the wildebeest out!"

Okay...that does sound like a great store. If only they had ice.

I'm off to throw mustard at frozen foods.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj