fields of gold

Want to grow some gold? You can! Science has created plants that will give you gold!

Okay, it's not like you're planting a gold ring and then a gold tree will bloom. Well, it might. I don't know for sure. You should try it just in case!

Plants are pretty amazing. They do this thing called phytomining. When they do that, they pull up metal from the soil into the plant when they're growing. So, when they're sucking up nutrients, cadmium might come up as well!

Plants that do this are (awesomely) called hyperaccumulators. I want that hyperaccumulators!

Me: "How can I run even faster than fast? My new shoes make me run really, really fast. But I want even faster!"

Merchant: "What you need is a hyperaccumulator! I have three in stock! It will cost you 20 Rupees."

Me: "Deal!"

Dah dah dah daaaaaaaah! (Somebody might get that joke.)

Scientists are hard at work to make a mustard plant that will phytomine gold. Then, you won't have to go into caves for gold. You just go to your mustard plant and eat the gold!

On a side note, I do tons of research for every article I write.  (That's not entirely true.) I looked up Sting's "Fields of Gold" song online and found the CD insert for the single. So...why is Sting holding a lightsaber in the picture?

Is Sting a Jedi?! That would totally make sense! I can't believe I never guessed that before!

With songs like "Message in a Bantha" and "Every Little Thing She Does Is the Force," how could he NOT be a Jedi!

My mind may or may not have just blown.

I'm off to hyperaccumulate.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

no taxation on chocolatification

I was such a huge fan of France. I mean, for almost a whole week I couldn't stop writing about them! For me to be excited about something for a WHOLE WEEK is pretty impressive!

With all their gastronomy fairs and towers and chocolate-marshmallow bears and dijon! Who couldn't love France?!

Turns out I can't. Because of the "Nutella Tax."

Go ahead. I'll wait for the GASP...GASP!

France is worried about the obesity problem. YES! The place where there is a WHOLE FAIR DEDICATED to EATING FOOD.

The place where they celebrate marshmallow bears COVERED IN CHOCOLATE.

The place where people CHUG MUSTARD because it's all dijony!

Ok...that last one might not be true. But it SOUNDS true.

They want to put taxes on taxes on taxes for palm oil. An ingredient in Nutella.

If that's the way France wants to play, then I don't want any part of it. I do know that if this DOES happen, we'll probably have thousands of French people coming to America where the Nutella flows like the mighty Mississippi.

Well, at MY house it does. Because I built a mountain out of chocolate and I pour Nutella down it every day to make Nutella rivers. Sometimes I put little candy boats on it. If the sun is out, you might even get a chocolate rainbow.

I love chocolate rainbows.

I'm off to chug mustard.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

ice cold beverages

Why do they still advertise stuff being "ice cold?" Is that really a draw?

There was a commercial for a food place that said you should get "fries and an ice cold" soda!

ICE COLD! Because they have ice to make it cold!

Now, I know there was a time before ice was invented that people could only get cold beverages during the winter months. And that was ONLY when they drank them outdoors!

But ice was invented a long time ago! At least 30 years ago! You can't throw a jar of mustard without hitting ice these days!

This might be because ice is so prevalent that throwing anything will hit it. It might also be because I throw mustard around every time I go to the supermarket and it eventually hits one of those big bags of ice that they keep in the freezer section.

Oh, and I only throw the dijon kind. Because, you know, I'm a fan of French stuff.

Did you know that Alexandre Gustave Eiffel was born in Dijon? Yep. He ALMOST made the Mustard Tower. But did not. Because it wasn't his name.

ALSO! Dijon, France has the International and Gastronomic Fair every year! Which sounds gross, but isn't. Gastronomy is actually the "art or science of eating food." Yep. It's like astronomy, but with a "G." Both have gasses, but different kids.

That's a disgusting joke and I apologize for it.

Luckily, in Dijon, and the rest of the world, if you want an "ice cold" jar of mustard, you can have that. Because we have things like freezers and refrigerators.

It's like promoting that you have doors.

"Come to our store! We have doors! You can actually walk inside and keep the wildebeest out!"

Okay...that does sound like a great store. If only they had ice.

I'm off to throw mustard at frozen foods.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj