drink and drone

Casa Madrona is a fancy hotel in California.

Fancy can't even describe the place. It's beyond gorgeous. And SO EXPENSIVE.

The Alexandrite Suite costs $10,000. FOR ONE NIGHT. Would you like to spend two nights there? Because if you can afford that, I would like you to bring me!

They decided that they needed a gimmick to get people to stay there, (I have a gimmick idea, MAKE IT CHEAPER.) so they started a drone delivery service.

If you stay in the Alexandrite Suite, you can have a drone deliver champagne to your room. You don't even have to tip it! Just get your bottles and send it away!

Are you like me and don't care about drone champagne? They understand that. So they will also deliver cookies! Drone cookies! Drookies!

Imagine sitting out on a beautiful deck all day while robots just keep delivering cookies and snacks to you. I would feel like an evil mastermind in a movie!

Me: "Drones! Bring me more cookies!"

Drones: "Yes master." (My evil drones talk.)

Me: "And 3.8 bags of Swedish Fish!"

Drones: "Yes master."

Me: "And this time don't go to Sweden and get fish from the water! I want the red chewy ones! And make sure every chewy fish looks like a fish! I don't want any mooshed-up ones"

It's stressful being an evil mastermind. You have to be so specific with robots. But they're easier to replace than human minions. Those were messy days.

I'm off to plot my world domination...after I raise $10,000. Do they have an evil kickstarter?

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

turn off your plants before you go to bed

Scientists in California want to light up your life! With plants! Bioluminescent plants!

First, I should mention that “bioluminescent” is one of the best words EVER. I wish I could say it more often. I actually should just add it into conversations I’m having.

You: “How’s the weather today?”

Me: “BIOLUMINESCENT!”

You: “…I have to go…”

Me: “Good talk! Bye bioluminescent!” (Get it? Like “bye bye?” I’m funny. And clever.)

So these scientists want to add bioluminescence to plants! If they do this, you could read a book by the ficus! Knit next to the gardenia!

Not only that! But, if they do this in trees, we won’t need headlights! The roads will be lit by all the trees! Forests will never be dark again!

Good for safety; bad for flashlight tag. You won’t be able to hide very well.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to keep a plant alive for very long. I tried it a few times. It…did not go well. Even the bamboo, which they said was nearly impossible to kill.

I guess I’ll just read and knit in the dark.

Or buy a jellyfish.

I’m off to BIOLUMINESCENT!

Enjoy Everything.

-dj