yummy yummy fruit salad tree

Fruit salad trees are a thing. A thing that is real! Totally Real!

I know you think I’m making this up, but I’m not! If you look it up online, you will find that there are FAKE trees that grow bananas and apples and oranges and everything.

These are NOT those. Some tree scientists in Australia can make a tree have different fruits on it. But they do have to be related.

There’s a citrus tree with oranges and lemons and limes and stuff. A stone fruit tree with peaches and plums and apricots. An apple tree with different apples. And a nashi tree.

I didn’t know what a nashi was until today. It’s like the Asian pear.

They make these trees by grafting branches from multiple fruit trees together. The branches will keep growing different kinds of fruit for their whole life!

You can buy these trees and TOTALLY freak out your neighbors! They’ll never know what happened!

They’ll think you’re some crazy fruit scientist and they’ll worry that you’re growing an army of broccoli (not a fruit, but they're scarier) soldiers in your basement and call the CIA to come over and investigate you and then you’ll invite the CIA in for some citrus smoothies that you made using only one tree and your neighbor will feel silly and sit in the shade of their orange grove and look longingly at your citrus tree and wish they could eat something other than oranges but won’t be able to so they'll just sit there peeling orange after orange crying tears of vitamin c onto their “Orange you glad I made fresh juice” sweater.

Or maybe they’ll just come over and enjoy a tangelo. Either way, you have the better tree.

There are also pomato plants. Where they graft a tomato and a potato plant together. You get tomatoes on top and potatoes underground!

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Why aren’t they doing this with humans?”

That’s a good question. And I don’t know. I would love to grow lemons and limes on myself. Hopefully they’re working on that.

I’m off to nashi.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

meet a tree

There’s a commercial for a large toy company that is getting some people upset. It’s a bus full of children on a field trip. They are on a “Meet the Trees Foundation” tour. And, as the name says, they are supposed to meet trees!

Which, to me, sounds awesome! The kids on the bus are not so excited. They are bored. UNTIL the bus driver says that they are going to a toy store!

Finally, the kids are happy. But kids, as the complainers say, should love toys and trees! Just like me! I love trees!

Especially during autumnfall! It may sound a little sentimental, but I was driving around everywhere this weekend and saw tons of amazing colors from the trees.

One section of road had trees that were all a dark red color. Then another area had a bunch of light green/yellow leaves. It was like a lemon-lime tree!

It did not taste like Sprite, though. Trust me. It tasted more like…um…tree, I guess.

OH! You know what else is cool?! When I see leaves just falling! It's totally nonchalant! It’s no big deal to them. It’s like, “I think I’ll just let go of the tree and float down to the ground…whatevs…”

It’s like a metaphor about life. I have no idea what the metaphor is, but it’s really, really deep.

I also love driving down a road that has a lot of leaves on the ground and in my rearview mirror I see them fly up behind me. It makes me feel like I’m going super-fast! Even though I’m on a 25 mph road! (I go 27 mph to make the leaves go crazy! Shh...don't tell the authorities.)

Is it bad that kids would rather play with toys than learn about trees? I don’t know. Maybe they should make Teenage Mutant Ninja Leaves. That might get kids more interested in foliage.

It would also make for an awesome cartoon that I will watch every day.

I’m off to see if the brown leaves taste like chocolate.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

turn off your plants before you go to bed

Scientists in California want to light up your life! With plants! Bioluminescent plants!

First, I should mention that “bioluminescent” is one of the best words EVER. I wish I could say it more often. I actually should just add it into conversations I’m having.

You: “How’s the weather today?”

Me: “BIOLUMINESCENT!”

You: “…I have to go…”

Me: “Good talk! Bye bioluminescent!” (Get it? Like “bye bye?” I’m funny. And clever.)

So these scientists want to add bioluminescence to plants! If they do this, you could read a book by the ficus! Knit next to the gardenia!

Not only that! But, if they do this in trees, we won’t need headlights! The roads will be lit by all the trees! Forests will never be dark again!

Good for safety; bad for flashlight tag. You won’t be able to hide very well.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to keep a plant alive for very long. I tried it a few times. It…did not go well. Even the bamboo, which they said was nearly impossible to kill.

I guess I’ll just read and knit in the dark.

Or buy a jellyfish.

I’m off to BIOLUMINESCENT!

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

trees, not birds

I know birds love trees. And that's great. I love trees. I have never made a nest in a tree, but I still love them.

Today is Arbor Day! And for some reason, people celebrate Bird Day at the same time!

Bird Day is NOT until May 4! PLEASE LET ARBOR CELEBRATE ALONE!

It's brutally unfair to arbors to throw birds into their day.

How would you like it if your birthday came a week before National Phone Day and all day long people put them together and were, like, "Tell your phone I said hello!"

"Oh, yeah...happy birthwhatever..."

How does that feel? Not good.

Do you want our perennial woody plants to feel that way?

I didn't think so.

So make sure you bring a little gift out for every tree you see today. Give it a hug and let it know how much you love it.

Buy expensive gifts, too. Like...diamonds...and candy. And let me know where all these trees are so I can...um...make sure the trees get their gifts and nobody steals it.

I'm just trying to do my part. Protecting the trees.

And don't say anything nice to birds today. They get their day next week. They can wait. Impatient, hollow-boned wing flappers...

I'm off to picnic with a tree.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj