reverse the polarity

Did you know that the sun is going to flip? Well, at least its magnetic field is going to flip. I’m not kidding! Look it up! This actually happens all the time! 

Scientists don’t really know WHY this keeps happening. Just that it does. Every 11 years. 

I know that’s a problem for you sun hikers. You really have to pay attention to which end north is on. Because you might just walk south when you think you’re going north. Even though north is the new south. Because, as we both know, south is so last hendecade. 

As to why you are hiking on the sun, that I cannot answer. Nor can you, because you already don’t exist because you are HIKING ON THE SUN.

So it's time to reverse the polarity! Don't worry, this is a good thing (because The Doctor does it) because this new north-south/south-north combo will cause the heliosphere to crinkle! The crinkle makes for a BETTER heliosphere! 

The crinkle will keep more cosmic rays from hitting us! This is good because cosmic rays hurt space probes. 

Unfortunately, it’s also kinda bad because cosmic rays created the Fantastic Four. If the FF aren’t around, Galactus might eat the planet. 

Hopefully Galactus doesn’t like crinkle cut heliospheres. I say heliospheres because I’m sure he LOVES crinkled potato chips.  

Crinkle fries are good, too. How come potato-based objects taste so much better crinkled? 

Oh! And smiley fries! The ones that look like a face! That’s a great idea. And dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. 

I bet that’s what Earth looks like to Galactus. A feast of smile fries and dino nuggets. 

If you don’t know who Galactus is, half of this hilarious blog is not funny to you. Just pretend you know who he is and laugh right now. A lot.

I’m off to reverse the polarity.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

planet looking for a good home

Do you think you have what it takes to care for a planet? Will you feed it, take it for walks, clean up after it, protect it from solar flares or attacks from Galactus?

If you think you can handle that responsibility, then have I got a planet for you!

A company called Uwingu is allowing YOU to adopt planets! You give them money for the adoption and they use that money for space research. I have NO idea what authority they have over the naming of planets.

Actually...none. The International Astronomical Union isn't really taking these names seriously. So, I guess it just depends on who stays in business longer. Uwingu or IAU. (If you adopt a planet, you better hope it's Uwingu!)

If I had a planet, I would name it Mogo. It would save the universe over and over again. Because that's what a Green Lantern does. (That's funny to somebody.)

Of course, if you don't want to raise a planet, but would rather LIVE on it, you can buy land from some guy in Nevada!

Yes, he "claims" to have "claimed" the planets in our solar system AND the moon. Apparently, the Outer Space Treaty (which is real) says that nations cannot claim land on the planets. But it said nothing about private businesses. So this guy said, "I owns it." in 1968 and, well, he now owns it.

600 million and 11 acres of the moon have been sold. For $19.99 an acre. 325 million acres have been sold on Mars. That's a little more expensive at $22.49 an acre.

The lesson I learned today? I should totally claim that I own something completely ridiculous so I can make tons of money selling ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to people.

Oh, by the way, I own a magical land in the clouds with unicorn stables. So, if you'd like to buy one cloud-land, it'll only cost you $100. Unicorn stables are $200.

You're on your own trying to get there.

I'm off to make my millions.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj