circle the magnetic field

Have you ever seen dogs circle around before they go to the bathroom? Did you know that scientists have been trying to figure their reasons for YEARS and now have a theory as to why?!

They like to line up with the magnetic field! The Earth’s magnetic field. Not the band. You don’t have to play them certain songs to go to the bathroom.

Well, your dog MIGHT need that. But it’s not what was studied.

The magnetic field is not always “calm.” But, when it is, dogs line up along the north-south axis. Then it is time to go bathrooming!

How do they even know?! Are all dogs like Magneto?! Do they know that you need protection from cosmic rays when going potty? I mean, that’s the first thing my mom ever taught me.

Me: “MOM! I have to potty!”

Mom: “The bathroom is over there. But remember, WATCH OUT FOR COSMIC RAYS!”

Maybe the Fantastic Four should have had my mom.

Is this actually something humans should do? Is there something in the digestive system that works better when lined up with the north-south axis? Should I eat more magnets? (Editor’s Note: NEVER EAT MAGNETS)

Should I be bringing a compass with me every time I go to the bathroom?

Maybe I should go into the woods and attempt to "feel" the magnetic field. I’ve been called an outdoorsman before. I mean, I called myself that once. I have been outdoors. So I’m pretty sure it’s true.

As you can see, I have a lot of questions about going to the bathroom. I have no idea what I should do. Hopefully somebody will answer them soon because I really have to go.

I’m off to field a magnet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

reverse the polarity

Did you know that the sun is going to flip? Well, at least its magnetic field is going to flip. I’m not kidding! Look it up! This actually happens all the time! 

Scientists don’t really know WHY this keeps happening. Just that it does. Every 11 years. 

I know that’s a problem for you sun hikers. You really have to pay attention to which end north is on. Because you might just walk south when you think you’re going north. Even though north is the new south. Because, as we both know, south is so last hendecade. 

As to why you are hiking on the sun, that I cannot answer. Nor can you, because you already don’t exist because you are HIKING ON THE SUN.

So it's time to reverse the polarity! Don't worry, this is a good thing (because The Doctor does it) because this new north-south/south-north combo will cause the heliosphere to crinkle! The crinkle makes for a BETTER heliosphere! 

The crinkle will keep more cosmic rays from hitting us! This is good because cosmic rays hurt space probes. 

Unfortunately, it’s also kinda bad because cosmic rays created the Fantastic Four. If the FF aren’t around, Galactus might eat the planet. 

Hopefully Galactus doesn’t like crinkle cut heliospheres. I say heliospheres because I’m sure he LOVES crinkled potato chips.  

Crinkle fries are good, too. How come potato-based objects taste so much better crinkled? 

Oh! And smiley fries! The ones that look like a face! That’s a great idea. And dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. 

I bet that’s what Earth looks like to Galactus. A feast of smile fries and dino nuggets. 

If you don’t know who Galactus is, half of this hilarious blog is not funny to you. Just pretend you know who he is and laugh right now. A lot.

I’m off to reverse the polarity.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj