lunar herbs and spices

NASA has a problem: How can we feed people basil from the moon?

Seriously. THAT is a something they have been trying to figure out!

Why? Because NASA knows how to have a good thyme!

They want to get basil to grow on the moon because if they can do that, they might be able to get people on the moon! Because you can live off basil!

Well, maybe not, but it starts the idea of growing food on the moon. Which is what we really need if we plan on have an herb spa on the moon.

I’m totally cool with basil. Though, my favorite herbs and spices are oregano and cayenne pepper.

Also! As a bonus! We could use water from Mars to grow this stuff! The Mars rover Opportunity found out that fresh water was once on Mars. If we can find it again, why not use it for my moon chia herb garden?

We should just plant herbs all over the moon. Make it like the forest moon of Endor. The herb moon of Earth. Without Ewoks.

Unless we can find some Ewoks on our trip to Venus! Maybe they love tending herb gardens! Imagine going to the store and seeing spices grown on the moon with Martian water and prepared by Ewoks.

I would buy that every day.

We might be able to slice the price of spice since Google is involved with the program. They call it Google Spice. (Not actually true.)

OH! Now I wish the Spice Girls were getting back together and adding a computer savvy spice girl.

I like to experiment with my herbs and spices. If you come over, I'll spice up your life and do my best to curry in your favor.

I’m off to get my tarragon.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

planet looking for a good home

Do you think you have what it takes to care for a planet? Will you feed it, take it for walks, clean up after it, protect it from solar flares or attacks from Galactus?

If you think you can handle that responsibility, then have I got a planet for you!

A company called Uwingu is allowing YOU to adopt planets! You give them money for the adoption and they use that money for space research. I have NO idea what authority they have over the naming of planets.

Actually...none. The International Astronomical Union isn't really taking these names seriously. So, I guess it just depends on who stays in business longer. Uwingu or IAU. (If you adopt a planet, you better hope it's Uwingu!)

If I had a planet, I would name it Mogo. It would save the universe over and over again. Because that's what a Green Lantern does. (That's funny to somebody.)

Of course, if you don't want to raise a planet, but would rather LIVE on it, you can buy land from some guy in Nevada!

Yes, he "claims" to have "claimed" the planets in our solar system AND the moon. Apparently, the Outer Space Treaty (which is real) says that nations cannot claim land on the planets. But it said nothing about private businesses. So this guy said, "I owns it." in 1968 and, well, he now owns it.

600 million and 11 acres of the moon have been sold. For $19.99 an acre. 325 million acres have been sold on Mars. That's a little more expensive at $22.49 an acre.

The lesson I learned today? I should totally claim that I own something completely ridiculous so I can make tons of money selling ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to people.

Oh, by the way, I own a magical land in the clouds with unicorn stables. So, if you'd like to buy one cloud-land, it'll only cost you $100. Unicorn stables are $200.

You're on your own trying to get there.

I'm off to make my millions.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

look to krypton

Um...if you have a green rock that fell from space what's the first thing that comes to mind? Krypton, right? Am I the only one thinking this?!

A green rock landed in Morocco last year. They call it NWA 7325. I'm not kidding. I guess the scientists were straight outta Compton. (Though Kryptonians Wit Attitudes might be straight outta Kandor.)

I don't know why I didn't hear about this before, but I just found an article telling me that it came from Mercury.  Mercury?! Really?! You're going to tell me that a GREEN ROCK, that came FROM ANOTHER PLANET, is from Mercury?!

And get this, for a few minutes, they thought it could be from Mars! Then they studied it and found that it didn't have all the aspects of a meteorite from Mars.

But "Meteorites From Mars" would be a great name for a band.

So they decided that it's probably from Mercury. Because, yeah, that totally makes sense. Since it has low magnetic intensity and is low on iron.

Firstly, NWA should get more iron. Because you can't give blood if your iron is low. Spinach helps.

Secondly, green rocks from space are ALWAYS from Krypton! Because it blew up! If these "scientists" wanted to find out where it was from, they should have just called Superman. If he started getting weaker, we would have our answer.

Also, Krypton has a low magnetic intensity AND Superman is always having problems giving blood. I'm pretty sure it's because of low iron. So I just kinda proved that it's Kryptonite.

I'm like a scientist. In Compton.

I'm off to express myself.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

honey laundering

As much as I wish I thought of that term, I did not. But it IS real!

I love honey. I may have said that before, but I would like to say it again. I LOVE HONEY! I use it for pretty much everything in my life. EVERYTHING.

Okay, I have never used honey to do my laundry, but that's not what this article is about. Now that I think about it, though, I feel like adding honey to the washing machine might be a great idea. Kids, try that at home. Let me know what happens. Don't tell your parents who told you to do it. Pretend it was totally your idea. Because you're super smart.

Turns out honey is big business. Big enough to have "counterfeit" honey come into the country! YES! Some unsavory companies have been selling honey that is not actually honey at all! Just corn syrup and sugar!

Now, I would never complain about chugging a jug (a jug chug) of corn syrup and sugar, but not when I want pure, unadulterated honey!

Luckily, astronomy has found a way to save you from funny honey. A laser isotope ratio-meter can analyze your honey to tell you exactly where it came from! Right down to the longitude and latitude of the flower petals!

What? You don't have a laser isotope ratio-meter? Why not?! Don't you search for methane gas on Mars a few times a week?

You should be! It's fun! I do it almost every day! While sipping a jug of honey!

I'm like Neil deGrasse Tyson. If Neil deGrasse Tyson were Winnie the Pooh.

Can we actually make that happen for a children's book series? That would combine my two idols and my love of honey. Thanks.

I'm off to Hayden Planetarium at Pooh Corner.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

pets from mars

I'm not shy about my mars-rover-crush on Curiosity. It's pretty awesome.

Besides being a crazy-awesome adventurer, Curiosity now has a pet! A pet rock named Jake! How cool is that?!

What? You don't think that's cool? Okay. I've got a few minutes to kill. You go call all your friends and tell me how many of them have a pet on mars. Seriously. Go call. I'll wait.

...

So...anybody? Anybody at all? NOBODY! That's right! You don't know anybody with a pet on Mars!

That's what makes Jake so cool! Instead of playing catch, Curiosity will play "elemental composition" with Jake. It's a fun game involving a spectrometer. And instead of petting, there will be "laser-zapping."

Don't worry, Jake LOVES laser-zapping. It's, like, his second favorite thing. Right after being a rock. ON MARS.

I once had a pet twig on Neptune, but he went to a twig farm. That's what my parents told me. We used to play all sorts of games. House, hide & seek, tea chat, Stratego, Boggle. The usual. Then one day I guess he felt the need for more space. So he went to a twig farm.

I guess I was smothering him. I don't know. I would have given him more space if he needed it. Maybe I should go to a farm. I need some space from you, twig. I NEED MY SPACE TOO, YOU KNOW!

Ahem...sorry...still a little sensitive.

I'm off to adopt a rock.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

cat killed the curiosity

Well, if it was the Curiosity nuclear weapon/car that is currently on Mars, I think Curiosity would win.

Or would it???

Turns out cats are stone-cold killers. You think they're all sweet and cuddly and fuzzibly, but they are not. Every time you let these monsters out of your house, they go into what experts call "Berserker Kill Everything Mode."

They put little cameras on the cats to see what they do all day. They kill stuff! They bring home maybe a quarter of their kills. A quarter!

The American Bird Conservancy (or ABC) says that cats are to blame for 3, count'em, THREE, species of bird losing their numbers rapidly!

They're also to blame for a 63% increase in bird therapy!

Not only that, these cats engage in very risky behavior! They cross the road without looking. They eat and drink whatever they find on the ground! Go to the bathroom in public! Put graffiti everywhere!

These hoodlums need to be controlled!

That's why I'm adding an Emergency Kitty Task Force to all public safety budgets. They will be trained in the ways of the cat and be able to subdue any and all feline delinquents.

So far I'm the only one on this Task Force, but I can see our numbers doubling soon.

It's time we took back our streets! And our birds!

I'm off to go on patrol.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

curiosity kills with lasers

Curiosity landed on Mars!

This thing is EPIC! It's, like, a nuclear car. Driving around. ON MARS!

Curiosity will look around Mars to see if we can ever open a Starbucks there. Then maybe get people there, too. Starbucks first, though. That would be good.

Just in case any Martians say, "You can't have a Starbucks here!" Curiosity has a laser.

NASA "says" that this laser is there to shoot rocks. But we all know the truth. I saw John Carter (no I didn't), I know what's going on with Mars (no I don't).

I'm kidding, of course. I would never condone killing an alien species because they wouldn't let us build a Starbucks (yes I would). I'm sure the laser is only there for self-defense.

OH! Like if Saturn people try to invade! They're jerks! They think they own the universe and use their mind-beams to hit people and stuff!

I don't like them. I hope they do come to Mars and get all lasered. They deserve it. Especially after they called me names. Like "creature of mostly water" and "two-legged walker" and "doofus face."

Stinky Saturners. I'll go sat on their urn. (Ha! Good one, me.)

Maybe some day we'll have nuclear cars for Earth, too. That would be cool. Then we could explore Earth!

Who knows what we'd find there! I should let NASA know about this idea.

I'm off to Starbucks.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

canada's current currency

I know a lot of people make jokes about Canada. I may have done it in the past. BUT! I also praise Canada for their amazing candy and snack foods! They have all sorts of stuff up there that you just can't get in our boring country.

Money is something else that Canada decided to make funner. It's awesome! It's all different colors and stuff. How fun is that?!

Not fun enough for the Royal Canadian Mint! They said that it needs be even funnerer!

They have just created the glow-in-the-dark dinosaur quarter!!!!!!!!!

I am NOT kidding!

On one side is a pachyrhinosaurus lakustai. It looks like what most dinosaurs look like. But turn the lights off, and you see the glowing skeleton of the dinosaur!

Why isn't all American money like that! I WANT GLOWY MONEY!

On the other side is Queen Elizabeth.

Her skull does not glow. But that would have been awesome.

I have a lot of big change transactions happening in dark places at night and if I could see the glowing skull of George Washington when I made these...transactions...I wouldn't have to worry so much about dropping my quarters!

I'm sure you have the same problem. Though, I don't know if you do what I do at night.

I'm not allowed to talk about it, but let's say that if I didn't do what I do, Mars and Venus might not be so friendly.

Maybe I can transfer to Canada so I can use dinosaur money.

Or maybe you can write to your state representative and let them know you want glow-in-the-dark money.

Because Canada has it. And we don't want to look uncool to Canada.

I'm off to the border.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj