lunar herbs and spices

NASA has a problem: How can we feed people basil from the moon?

Seriously. THAT is a something they have been trying to figure out!

Why? Because NASA knows how to have a good thyme!

They want to get basil to grow on the moon because if they can do that, they might be able to get people on the moon! Because you can live off basil!

Well, maybe not, but it starts the idea of growing food on the moon. Which is what we really need if we plan on have an herb spa on the moon.

I’m totally cool with basil. Though, my favorite herbs and spices are oregano and cayenne pepper.

Also! As a bonus! We could use water from Mars to grow this stuff! The Mars rover Opportunity found out that fresh water was once on Mars. If we can find it again, why not use it for my moon chia herb garden?

We should just plant herbs all over the moon. Make it like the forest moon of Endor. The herb moon of Earth. Without Ewoks.

Unless we can find some Ewoks on our trip to Venus! Maybe they love tending herb gardens! Imagine going to the store and seeing spices grown on the moon with Martian water and prepared by Ewoks.

I would buy that every day.

We might be able to slice the price of spice since Google is involved with the program. They call it Google Spice. (Not actually true.)

OH! Now I wish the Spice Girls were getting back together and adding a computer savvy spice girl.

I like to experiment with my herbs and spices. If you come over, I'll spice up your life and do my best to curry in your favor.

I’m off to get my tarragon.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

moon dust

Remember when we were talking about moon water? Feels like it was just last week, huh? (It was.) Well guess what! There’s even MORE MOON stuff going on! It's getting dusty in here!

We just sent a new probe to the moon! Because we can’t figure out why it’s reflecting sunlight. Like, when we have cool effects at sunrise and sunset. The moon shouldn’t be able to do that. It’s lacking the atmosphere. But it could be because the moon is so dusty.

It’s like a lamp turning on even though it’s not plugged in. Shouldn’t be doing it, but it is!

Happens to me all the time. And I keep sending probes onto the lamp’s surface to find out what’s happening. I have no definitive answer so far, but I have 87 theories. Most of them involve elves. Three of them involve dust.

There is this kinda-sorta atmosphere around the moon. It’s barely there. But it does contain potassium and sodium! Two of my favorite elements! Potassium, because I love bananas. Sodium, because I hate getting attacked by Horrors at Party Beach. (Somebody might get that.)

What interests me, though, is that they used refurbished ICBMs to send this probe up. Yes. Intercontinental ballistic missiles. Well, not the missiles themselves, but their motors.

STILL! Is it safe to use refurb missiles?! I mean, seriously?! I’ve heard some pretty bad stories from people who buy refurb phones. But phones don’t ballisticate different continents!

It’s like an Interplanetary ballistic motor! Well, the moon isn’t quite a planet. But close enough.

Also, not to scare you, but we DO have an agreement with Russia to allow us to launch refurbished ICBMs. Because...I guess this happens all the time? What else are we refurbishing? And can I get any of it cheap online?

I’m off to dust the moon.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

moon water

Thirsty on the moon? Don’t worry! There’s plenty of water there!

At least, they THINK there is. India has a moon probe orbiting the moon. Obviously. It would be odd if a moon probe was orbiting Home Depot. That's what the Home Depot probe is for.

Luckily, this moon probe found magmatic water! I have no idea what that is, but it SOUNDS like it’s water that comes up with a volcanic eruption!

A water volcano sounds totally awesome. Why don’t they have those at water parks? You could enter from the bottom of the mountain and then it shoots you through the top with water and lava!

That would be the coolest and lava-iest ride ever! The wait time for an active volcano might be long...but worth it.

If there is magmatic water, then moon water is real and we could totally have a water park at Vallis Planck!

This discovery could mean there are a bunch of moon people living underground.

Well, maybe more like moon merpeople. Because they live in the water. Like, Ariel…on the moon.

Though, in space, no one can hear you sing. I guess that works for her, since she gave up her voice, anyway!

And the only way to get it back is if she finds Astronaut Eric! Because he can bring air so she CAN sing!

Then all the moon (and Home Depot) probes would sing “Part Of Your Moon!”

I’m off to get magmatic under the moon-sea.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

moon national park

Two Representatives filed legislation that would make the moon a U.S. National Park!

Forget Zion! Go to the moon! They want NASA and the Dept. of the Interior to make this happen. (Remember, the Dept. of the Interior deals with exterior places. Confusing, I know, but that’s our government!)

Now, technically, the moon isn’t OWNED by these United States. But the stuff we LEFT there is ours! And I guess “stuff” can become “National Park.” 

Now, if Newt Gingrich had his way, we would own the moon AND it would be the 51st State! I seriously know almost NOTHING about Newt Gingrich. I did write about his “smartphone” issue a few months ago, but besides that, I know nothing.

STILL, he’s quickly becoming one of my most favoritest people. Because, like the smartphone debate, he says totally random things that make complete sense to me. 

Like trying to get the moon to be a state! He even wanted to create space factories!

Not factories that would create new space, but rather factories to build stuff IN SPACE! 

And whenever you add “IN SPACE” to anything, it’s automatically 84.3% cooler! 

Imagine having coffee grown IN SPACE. (Organic and fair-trade, of course.) Or maybe having pants that say Made in Space! 

That would be the coolest. Take a look at my space-pants, baby! 

So do I want space factories and moon bases and a National Park near Copernicus Crater? Yes. I do. 

And I will buy astronaut ice cream there. Because that’s my FAVORITE thing to buy on special trips IN SPACE.

I’m off to state the moon.

Enjoy Everything...in space.

-dj

unicorn customs

Can a unicorn get through customs? Yes. As long as the unicorn has magically disguised itself as a little girl!

There’s a girl from South Wales who was able to get through security in Turkey with a fake passport. A passport FOR A UNICORN.

She got this fake passport for her stuffed unicorn as part of her “Design A Bear” toy. I guess they want to make sure your stuffed animal can travel the world with you.

During the rush through Turkey customs, they gave the unicorn’s passport to the person working there instead of little Emily’s passport! And they got through!

I’m not sure what this says about security in Turkey, but I do know what it says about my new passport picture.

It’s going to be a picture of a unicorn! My name will be Sprinkle Sparkle and I will travel the world on magic, love, and United Airlines!

If anybody asks why, in my current shape, I don’t look like the picture, I will tell them that I’m in secret “human form” because there are many evil wallaby spies trying to get all my unicorn secrets from me.

Like our secret moon base. And where we store all our candy.

I’d be, like, the James Bond of unicorns. Starring in GoldenHorn. Or Unicorns are Forever. Or License to Frolic.

I’d also work for the Queen of England.

The only difference is that I would order my frosting stirred, not shaken. Because…well…can you even shake frosting? Wait…can I get a frosting shake?!

That sounds soooooo gooooood!

I’m off to shake and stir and frosting.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

putting the magic in cicadas

There’s a lot of news about the “cicada onslaught” that is coming soon. Should you be worried?

YES! You should! These aren’t your ordinary cicadas! They are magicicadas! Called that because they know how to use MAGIC!

Cicadas are odd little bugs. They mate, then go underground and plot for 17 years (some for 13), then come back up and mate again. It’s really pretty cool. They varied their breeding enough that cicadas pop up almost every year.

BUT! Magicicadas are a special breed of cicada that have been to Hogwarts and grow under the whomping willow.

This year, they estimate that at least 30 million magicicadas will emerge on the east coast! If they climb on top of each other, they could make it to the moon and back! Which cicadas love to do!

How do they attract a mate? They shake their abdomen. It’s super loud.

When I shake my abdomen, it does not attract mates. It usually gets me arrested. It DOES work for magicicadas, though. Which makes me think that Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars MIGHT be magicicadas.

On a slightly unrelated, but just as scary, note, giant snails have invaded Houston. So, even if you wanted to leave the east coast, you’ll probably bump into a giant snail.

And if you remember, snails have teeth and will eat your car. And sometimes they fly and will eat your plane (if you are trying to fly to the west coast).

I don’t have any proof of flying snails, but I’m sure snails dream about flying. Are there any flying, shelled creatures? If not, I should invent one. Like a flying turtle. Oh! I think I have a new favorite imaginary (soon maginary) animal!

I’m off to put my shell and wings on.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

planet looking for a good home

Do you think you have what it takes to care for a planet? Will you feed it, take it for walks, clean up after it, protect it from solar flares or attacks from Galactus?

If you think you can handle that responsibility, then have I got a planet for you!

A company called Uwingu is allowing YOU to adopt planets! You give them money for the adoption and they use that money for space research. I have NO idea what authority they have over the naming of planets.

Actually...none. The International Astronomical Union isn't really taking these names seriously. So, I guess it just depends on who stays in business longer. Uwingu or IAU. (If you adopt a planet, you better hope it's Uwingu!)

If I had a planet, I would name it Mogo. It would save the universe over and over again. Because that's what a Green Lantern does. (That's funny to somebody.)

Of course, if you don't want to raise a planet, but would rather LIVE on it, you can buy land from some guy in Nevada!

Yes, he "claims" to have "claimed" the planets in our solar system AND the moon. Apparently, the Outer Space Treaty (which is real) says that nations cannot claim land on the planets. But it said nothing about private businesses. So this guy said, "I owns it." in 1968 and, well, he now owns it.

600 million and 11 acres of the moon have been sold. For $19.99 an acre. 325 million acres have been sold on Mars. That's a little more expensive at $22.49 an acre.

The lesson I learned today? I should totally claim that I own something completely ridiculous so I can make tons of money selling ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to people.

Oh, by the way, I own a magical land in the clouds with unicorn stables. So, if you'd like to buy one cloud-land, it'll only cost you $100. Unicorn stables are $200.

You're on your own trying to get there.

I'm off to make my millions.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

beetles of the caribbean

I have heard that sailors from ye olden days used the stars to navigate the world. In my head, all sailors from those days were also pirates. Because that's cool.

Therefore, anything that uses the stars to navigate is a pirate. Like the dung beetle. The PIRATE dung beetle!

Turns out they use the Milky Way to navigate their way around South Africa! People who study dung beetles (fun job) noticed that they use the moon and the sun to get directions. But what about those nights the moon is hiding? The Milky Way does the job!

They do a little dance to figure out where they are in the galaxy. The Milky Way is kinda like a dung disco ball for the beetles. Once they know where they need to go, they make a run for it! Dung beetles are very possessive of their dung balls.

Researchers grabbed a bunch of dung beetles and brought them to a planetarium. When they turned the Milky Way on, the beetles knew where to go. When they turned it off, they got lost and ended up in the Jupiter exhibit 2 floors down.

This was, literally, stinky for Jupiter. Since they now have to clean up dung balls not JUST in the planetarium room, but in the elevator and on Jupiter, too!

Of course, as pirates, the dung beetles were kind of ignored. Their "booty" (as pirates would say) was less a pile of gold and jewels and more a pile of dung.

They did have great galactic disco parties, though. Andromeda is totally jealous.

I'm off to disco under the Milky Way.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the eagle has landed better

On this day in history, Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon for the Apollo 11 mission! It happened in 1969. That was a long time ago. 

Unless you are a time traveler, then it might have only been yesterday. I don't know when you're from. I like the name Armstrong.

And Buzz. Those are cool names. Instead of an eagle landing on the moon (which is totally possible because eagles are hardcore birds), they should make it a shark. With legs. That knows how to dance.

Buzz Armstrong will fly this shark to the moon and say, "The shark has landed on its legs on the moon!"

Then he'll use a jet pack to rocket out of the shark's mouth! Without a helmet because Buzz is so tough he can breathe in moon-space!

He'll stand on the moon and say, "That's one awesome jet pack landing for me. One amazing dance routine for mankind!"

Then he and the shark-ship will dance like crazy! And not bad dancing, either. Good dancing. Like breakdancing. Or crunk.

Then Buzz's pet wolf will jet pack out of the shark too! This won't be any regular wolf; this is, like, a wolf the size of a bus! And his name is Awesome! Buzz rides Awesome around the moon and says, "Apollo goes up to 11, moonies!"

Then they fly through space fighting crime and saving space-babies and stuff.

That's what really happened. I think. They just show that grainy video to hide the truth. They didn't think people could handle its epicness. I hope you can now. I don't want to blow your mind.

If I did, I apologize.

I'm off to crunk.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

cinco de mayo comic de moono

Wow! The number 5 is great! And it's even greaterer when it comes in May this year!

I found out that May 5 is called "The "Revenge of the Fifth" because the fourth is Star Wars day. And one day isn't enough to celebrate Star Wars. Are you getting excited? I am! But that's just the beginning!

Saturday is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday night we will have the BIGGEST FULL MOON OF THE YEAR!

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Can this much awesomnisity happen at the same time?!

The answer to that question is YES. The Supermoon (a perfect name for Free Comic Book Day) will be extra-big and extra-bright and extra-moony.

It will be as close as the moon can get. You might be able to touch it if you stand on your tippy toes.

So if you thought NOTHING was happening this weekend, think again. And then think one more time. And once more just for funsies.

Now stop thinking! And get the Star Wars and comic books ready!

And get your moons ready!

It's gonna be a good weekend.

I'm off to touch the moon.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj