humans phone home

Are you from Earth? Are you sure you’re from Earth? Are you totally, absolutely sure?

You shouldn’t be! There’s a new theory that says we humans who THINK we evolved here on Earth are totally wrong! I think only one person wrote this theory, but I love it.

Now, there are a lot of ideas about how life on Earth started. But this guy says that we were already fully evolved humans when we were put on Earth. And his reasons are totally awesome.

He says that we are on a 25-hour schedule. And for some reason, Earth is only 24! Where did that extra hour come from? Another planet!

Also, we must have evolved on a planet with less gravity. How else can you account for all the back problems humans have?

And that sun! He says that most everything on Earth loves the sun and doesn’t hurt them. But it’s always burning us and making us go blind and stuff!

Finally, humans get sick. If we evolved with all the bacteria on Earth, it shouldn’t bother us so much. But it does!

He says that we came from another planet. He isn’t sure if it was by choice or if we were put here as punishment. Like an intergalactic Australia.

Well, not now, but when it used to be a British prison.

It makes sense to me. I totally believe it. But, hey, I’m a believer.

I’m also a distant relative to a space renegade. My great, great, great, great (add a lot more greats) grandmother was Katana Midnight, the toughest smuggler in the universe. She once beat up a star. Not like a celebrity. AN ACTUAL STAR. She punched it and it just collapsed on itself and became a black hole.

That’s how my family rolls.

I’m off to find my home planet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

it's all clear to me now

Whoops! That's what I get for not paying attention!

I needed a shower curtain. So I bought one. Turns out it is COMPLETELY CLEAR!

In the package it looked "frosted" or something. I guess because it was all folded up. I thought it had SOME opaqueness to it.

NOPE! NOTHING!

I've never had a shower curtain like that before! It's...weird...but oddly bright in the shower now!

And that's about all I got. I bought it. It's up. End of story.

Umm...yeah...I wish something exciting happened with it. Maybe it causes a rift in spacetime. Or timespace.

OH! Wait! I think it does! Because a coupon fell from my ceiling right after I bought it!

I put the curtain up. I was sitting around filing my nails or something and BAM! A coupon to Stop & Shop fell on me!

This is no joke! I have a clear shower curtain that warps time and space and is somehow connected to the little coupon machine at S&S!

So if you are waiting for your coupon at the self-checkout and it never comes up, it might be in my apartment.

Sorry, but you know the saying, "Spacetime finders, keepers. Losers, weepers get sucked into a black hole and are never seen from again."

I'm off to save $10 on my $40 purchase.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj