canada lost some gravity

Turns out the Hudson Bay in Canada misplaced some of its gravity. It’s true! They’re not quite as serious as the rest of the world!

HA! That’s funny. Sort of.

Anyway, this lack of gravity IS real. I guess if you weighed 150 pounds here, you would lose 1/10th of an ounce on the Hudson Bay.

It has something to do with Ice Age glaciers and magma. It created an area with less mass making your gravitational pull there slightly weaker.

The actual studies are pretty cool and have to do with some satellites measuring gravity while cruising around the Earth. Yes! Stuff in space is measuring your weight to the tenth of an ounce! How cool is that?!

That’s like me looking at a fruit fly and telling you what it’s thinking every second!

They think about fruit most of the time. Sometimes they think about their short time on this planet and hope to do something of value with the few days they have to experience a sunrise and love and how they can make the world a better place to live and try to make their children happy.

Then they just think about fruit again.

Now, if you want to weigh a tiny bit less, you could move there. But it’s not super warm. The average temperature is -5 degrees Celsius. That’s, like, 23 degrees Fahrenheit.

You’ll have to wear 50 heavy jackets, but the lack of gravity will make them feel slightly lighter!

And if you’re trying to cut back on your salt intake, the Hudson Bay might be for you! The bay’s water has a lower salinity level.

You know, because without the gravity keeping that salt in the water, it just floats away into space. (That is not a scientifically accurate explanation why.)

Also, as a side note, gravity is lighter in my car. I know that because my radio clock keeps speeding up. Clearly the only explanation is gravitational time dilation. And my many travels to the Hudson Bay.

I’m off to think about fruit.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

humans phone home

Are you from Earth? Are you sure you’re from Earth? Are you totally, absolutely sure?

You shouldn’t be! There’s a new theory that says we humans who THINK we evolved here on Earth are totally wrong! I think only one person wrote this theory, but I love it.

Now, there are a lot of ideas about how life on Earth started. But this guy says that we were already fully evolved humans when we were put on Earth. And his reasons are totally awesome.

He says that we are on a 25-hour schedule. And for some reason, Earth is only 24! Where did that extra hour come from? Another planet!

Also, we must have evolved on a planet with less gravity. How else can you account for all the back problems humans have?

And that sun! He says that most everything on Earth loves the sun and doesn’t hurt them. But it’s always burning us and making us go blind and stuff!

Finally, humans get sick. If we evolved with all the bacteria on Earth, it shouldn’t bother us so much. But it does!

He says that we came from another planet. He isn’t sure if it was by choice or if we were put here as punishment. Like an intergalactic Australia.

Well, not now, but when it used to be a British prison.

It makes sense to me. I totally believe it. But, hey, I’m a believer.

I’m also a distant relative to a space renegade. My great, great, great, great (add a lot more greats) grandmother was Katana Midnight, the toughest smuggler in the universe. She once beat up a star. Not like a celebrity. AN ACTUAL STAR. She punched it and it just collapsed on itself and became a black hole.

That’s how my family rolls.

I’m off to find my home planet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

woodpeckers will rule the world

I didn't realize how scared I should be of the mighty woodpecker. They use their beaks to hit wood with a force 1,000 times greater than gravity.

GRAVITY, I SAY! Have you ever tried to defy gravity?! It almost always wins!

I mean, my rocket ship (car) can sometimes defy gravity when going into space. But JUST BARELY. Imagine trying to jump if gravity was 1,000 TIMES STRONGER!

That's what it feels like to get hit by a woodpecker!

They have extra muscles and thicker bones to handle the pressure. They ALSO have an extra eyelid to prevent their eyes from popping out!

I bet YOU don't have that!

These are crazy birds that we should NEVER make fun of! Seriously, you do NOT want an angry woodpecker to attack you.

Here's what we need to do: Learn their language and join forces. So if...I mean WHEN...we get attacked by alien crustaceans with shellish body armor, we have wood pecking protection.

You laugh, but I hear things. It's this high pitched whine in my head. It could be an ear problem, but I'm pretty much almost 99% sure that it's messages from aliens. In my head. About an attack. With crustaceans.

That's why we need the woodpeckers.

And dragons. Dragons would be good, too.

I'm off to learn Morse code.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj