the continents

I saw something in the news the other day about Africa. I can’t remember what the news was, but I started saying the word “Africa” over and over again.

Sometimes, when I find a fun word, I will say it a LOT for a few hours/days. This is one of the many reasons I’m not allowed out in public.

I started wondering where the name came from. And not just Africa, but ALL the continents. I mean, was something just picked and everybody agreed?

The answer is yes. The names are mostly Latin and Greek. They would randomly describe chunks of land and those descriptions eventually spread around larger areas of land until it basically became the continent!

The stories are actually pretty interesting, so you should look them up. It would take me Too Long to describe them, but it IS very educational!

Guess what else is educational! Finding out there’s some place called “Oceania!” I guess it’s actually considered a continent? Sorta? It includes Australia and a bunch of islands. So, it’s like “Australia and Friends.”

I don’t know if I paid attention in school (I didn’t), but I feel like I should have heard about this!

And if that can be a continent, why isn’t the Arctic a continent? Antarctica is! Why not make it “Arctica?" Is it not “landy” enough?

Oh…I just looked it up online. I guess it isn’t “landy” at all. Just ice. So maybe land is a requirement.

But still, Oceania has a ton of water! How come that kinda counts?!

Whoever created the Earth certainly did NOT get a GARP degree. (YES! I know what that is. I knew the one person at my college getting a degree in Geography and Regional Planning. Though, I don’t know if I would have trusted her to plan out the Earth.)

I’m off to garp. GARP!

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

humans phone home

Are you from Earth? Are you sure you’re from Earth? Are you totally, absolutely sure?

You shouldn’t be! There’s a new theory that says we humans who THINK we evolved here on Earth are totally wrong! I think only one person wrote this theory, but I love it.

Now, there are a lot of ideas about how life on Earth started. But this guy says that we were already fully evolved humans when we were put on Earth. And his reasons are totally awesome.

He says that we are on a 25-hour schedule. And for some reason, Earth is only 24! Where did that extra hour come from? Another planet!

Also, we must have evolved on a planet with less gravity. How else can you account for all the back problems humans have?

And that sun! He says that most everything on Earth loves the sun and doesn’t hurt them. But it’s always burning us and making us go blind and stuff!

Finally, humans get sick. If we evolved with all the bacteria on Earth, it shouldn’t bother us so much. But it does!

He says that we came from another planet. He isn’t sure if it was by choice or if we were put here as punishment. Like an intergalactic Australia.

Well, not now, but when it used to be a British prison.

It makes sense to me. I totally believe it. But, hey, I’m a believer.

I’m also a distant relative to a space renegade. My great, great, great, great (add a lot more greats) grandmother was Katana Midnight, the toughest smuggler in the universe. She once beat up a star. Not like a celebrity. AN ACTUAL STAR. She punched it and it just collapsed on itself and became a black hole.

That’s how my family rolls.

I’m off to find my home planet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

i warned you about the birds

I know you thought that bird WAS the word...but that's not true anymore.

Birds now KNOW the words. And they're teaching their friends.

People in Australia teach their parrots how to speak. Now, these birds pretend to be cool inside their cages, but they're really just plotting their escape. They learn everything they need to know from their human captors. Then escape into the wild.

Once free, they teach other birds all the words they learned.

I'm pretty sure they're planning to take over the world. There are over 800 species of birds in Australia. If ALL of them attacked at once, what chance would we have?

We're lucky for two reasons:

1. I have friends in the koala community. By friends I mean spies. By spies I mean highly trained ninja koalas.

2. The birds only know how to say "vegemite" and "tim-tams."

3. Unless those are "code words" that mean "attack" and "I love cookies."

4. I do know if you hear a bird say "throw a wobbly," you should run.

5. I don't know what it means, but I have wounds that say it's bad.

6. I'm off to get a chokkie.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

hybrid sharks are only the beginning

Hybrid sharks have been found in Australia! The "official" story is that some sharks who like cold water have mated with sharks who like warm water. Because of climate change, the water is getting warmer everywhere, so they are creating mutant sharks that can live in medium-temperature water!

Once sharks learn how to swim in medium temperatures, you KNOW what comes next! Sharks who walk on land and wear razor-tipped bowler hats and have fins that shoot fire!

Hopefully the next stage of human evolution makes us razor-proof. And maybe we can shoot fire-extinguisher stuffs from our fingers.

Let's hope other animals don't learn how to live in comfortable temperatures. I mean, what will happen if polar bears learn how to live in 70-degree weather?

That's right! Telekinesis!

They might already be here. You never know. The person next to you RIGHT NOW could be a polar bear. I hear they shave themselves to blend in.

Make some seal noises. If they start to look hungry...RUN!

I would suggest making seal noises around everybody you see today. Just to be safe.

And please tell me where you will be doing this. I would like to watch. For scientific and safety reasons.

Not to laugh. I swear.

I'm off to watch you act sealy.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj