putting the magic in cicadas

There’s a lot of news about the “cicada onslaught” that is coming soon. Should you be worried?

YES! You should! These aren’t your ordinary cicadas! They are magicicadas! Called that because they know how to use MAGIC!

Cicadas are odd little bugs. They mate, then go underground and plot for 17 years (some for 13), then come back up and mate again. It’s really pretty cool. They varied their breeding enough that cicadas pop up almost every year.

BUT! Magicicadas are a special breed of cicada that have been to Hogwarts and grow under the whomping willow.

This year, they estimate that at least 30 million magicicadas will emerge on the east coast! If they climb on top of each other, they could make it to the moon and back! Which cicadas love to do!

How do they attract a mate? They shake their abdomen. It’s super loud.

When I shake my abdomen, it does not attract mates. It usually gets me arrested. It DOES work for magicicadas, though. Which makes me think that Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars MIGHT be magicicadas.

On a slightly unrelated, but just as scary, note, giant snails have invaded Houston. So, even if you wanted to leave the east coast, you’ll probably bump into a giant snail.

And if you remember, snails have teeth and will eat your car. And sometimes they fly and will eat your plane (if you are trying to fly to the west coast).

I don’t have any proof of flying snails, but I’m sure snails dream about flying. Are there any flying, shelled creatures? If not, I should invent one. Like a flying turtle. Oh! I think I have a new favorite imaginary (soon maginary) animal!

I’m off to put my shell and wings on.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the power of chess

I know how to play chess. Not well, but I know the rules. Regular chess. I've never actually played Wizard's Chess or Tri-Dimensional Chess. I would LIKE to play those, but I am not in Hogwarts. Nor am I on the Enterprise.

Since I only know how to play non-futuristic, muggle chess, my friend asked me to help her out. She wants to learn.

I would love to teach her some of the basics, but I have a small problem.

I can't play chess without singing "The Power" by Snap. You know, "I got the power! Ducga dunneh neh neh." I like that part.

So when I move my knight, I have to sing. It's a weird compulsion and I just can't stop it.

This does NOT psych the other player out. I still lose. A lot. I also lose all my chess-playing friends this way.

But you know what?! I won't stop! If people can't handle my chessness, then they can take their chess somewhere else!

You know why?

Because I GOT THE POWER! DUCGA DUN NEH NEH NEH!

I'm off to check and mate.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj