politi-call me maybe

Okay, that title is genius. I'm willing to admit that. I feel very proud of it.

Well...it would be really even much funnierer if it was about getting calls on your phone-receiving mobile device.

It's not. I just thought it was a funny title. BUT! I am talking about politics a little bit.

Don't run away! I'm not actually talking about anything interesting! Don't worry!

So, I see these signs on people yards. With names on them. They say things like, "Vote For President Person! For America And Stuff!" Or something like that. I don't actually pay attention.

But see, those signs can't do anything to sway me! What's the point of them?! I mean, does anybody drive by a sign with a name on it and think, "WOW! Look at that beautiful lawn! So green and lush and pyhlled (get it?) with chloro! Lawns like that love Romney? Huh...I should vote for Romney!"

Or perhaps, "Those garden gnomes and pink flamingos clearly love Obama. I have been known to agree with gnomes AND flamingos on many of my political ideals. Clearly I need to change my vote to Obama!"

Now, admittedly, I have been known to be swayed by green lawns and pink flamingos. But garden gnomes? Really?

I never agree with silent letters. I always feel like they're hiding something.

I'm off to put a sign on my yard. (That's a joke. I don't have a yard.)

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the bison representative

The United States of America needs a mammal. A "National Mammal."

We've gone mammal-free for far too long! Lawmakers have introduced the National Bison Legacy Act so when you think America, you think bison-mammal!

The Intertribal Buffalo Council and the National Bison Association are behind this 100%. The NBA (not to be confused with the NBA) has members in ALL 50 states ready to make this happen.

There is no official word from President Obama about the bison...yet. But something could happen soon. He has some competition this year.

There's some election thing coming up and rumors are already starting. There is talk that Mitt Romney is a unicorn. There is no proof that he is NOT a unicorn, so clearly, there is a 99% chance that he IS a unicorn! (This is real. Look it up.)

So if Mitt becomes president, guess what our National Mammal would be! A UNICORN! (SO AWESOME!)

I know what you're thinking, "A bison could beat up a unicorn."

Really. You think that. Even though unicorns are magical and have a giant horn on their heads. You still think your bison-mammal can take out a unicorn-mammal?

I didn't think so.

This is the only important issue to think about when it comes time to vote on those ballot things.

Think about how majestic our new flag would look with a unicorn standing on a rainbow.

THAT is a United States I can unite with stately!

I'm off to make percentage heard.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

gulf of whatever i want

Mississippi Representative Steve Holland is hilarious! I've never heard of him before. Mostly because I didn't even know Mississippi really existed. But it does! And this guy made a law-bill-thing saying he wants to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America!

He was trying to make point. Something about immigration and how extreme some people are about it. I didn't actually read the whole article. I got too excited about changing names!

THIS is just another reason why I want to be world president! I can change the names of EVERYTHING!

Sure, "Gulf of Mexico" isn't a bad name for a gulf. BUT! Imagine this: The Gulf Of AWESOMENESS!

Not bad, right?!

Oh, don't worry, Mexico. The gulf will still be named after you because your NEW name will be AWESOMENESS!

Pacific Ocean? BLAH! Now it's called Ninja Water!

United States of America? NOPE! Spectacular States of Fabulousness!

Russia? Forget it! Sparklussia!

So, vote for me for president of the universe. And beyond. I swear I will give everything better names.

I will also rule good. From the capitol of Starfire D.C.

I'm off to pass a bill.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj