buckingham presents

Sometimes I forget how cool it would be to be a part of the royal family at Buckingham Palace.

I mean, it seems like it’s kinda blah. Just being all princey or something. Having to do lots of public events and just smile a lot when I’d RATHER be sitting around reading comic books! In the Royal Comic Book Reading Room. (Which is currently a chair in my apartment.)

But maybe the events would be worth it! People just send them gifts all the time! Random gifts to say “Thank You” for being royalty!

Queen Elizabeth got a candy castle! I know! That would be so perfect for me. If you ever walked into my dreams, you have seen that I live in a candy castle with my pet unicorn, Starglitter.

Starglitter and I eat the castle every day. Then fall asleep in a sugary haze. Then wake up the next morning to a new candy castle!

My dreams are awesomer than yours. So feel free to join me in mine and get some candy.

Apparently nobody likes Prince Phillip. He got a wooden box. That’s it. I’ve never met Prince Phillip, so maybe he’s into that sort of thing. He might have a whole wooden box collection. Which would make him a…very…exciting person…

Princess Anne got some sweet stuff! She got a garden gnome AND a painting of her riding a moose!

Garden gnomes are always helpful. Especially in gardens. Perhaps they work well in wooden boxes. I don’t know.

But a painting of her riding a moose?! What would compel you to even paint that? Why a moose? Is she an actual moose-rider? Is this something people do?

And why wasn’t the garden gnome in the picture? THAT would have been a cool gift. I would like a copy of that painting for my Reading Room/Chair.

I’m off to find a gnome with a paint brush.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

unicorn customs

Can a unicorn get through customs? Yes. As long as the unicorn has magically disguised itself as a little girl!

There’s a girl from South Wales who was able to get through security in Turkey with a fake passport. A passport FOR A UNICORN.

She got this fake passport for her stuffed unicorn as part of her “Design A Bear” toy. I guess they want to make sure your stuffed animal can travel the world with you.

During the rush through Turkey customs, they gave the unicorn’s passport to the person working there instead of little Emily’s passport! And they got through!

I’m not sure what this says about security in Turkey, but I do know what it says about my new passport picture.

It’s going to be a picture of a unicorn! My name will be Sprinkle Sparkle and I will travel the world on magic, love, and United Airlines!

If anybody asks why, in my current shape, I don’t look like the picture, I will tell them that I’m in secret “human form” because there are many evil wallaby spies trying to get all my unicorn secrets from me.

Like our secret moon base. And where we store all our candy.

I’d be, like, the James Bond of unicorns. Starring in GoldenHorn. Or Unicorns are Forever. Or License to Frolic.

I’d also work for the Queen of England.

The only difference is that I would order my frosting stirred, not shaken. Because…well…can you even shake frosting? Wait…can I get a frosting shake?!

That sounds soooooo gooooood!

I’m off to shake and stir and frosting.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the colors are everywhere

I broke a plate (sad face). Or I guess I could emoticon it. :(

I don't think I ever broke a plate before! Glasses...yeah...plenty. But that's the glasseseses fault! They make them all glassy and stuff! I mean, really, what did they expect?

That's why I use plastic tumblers. I don't know why they're called that, but they do great tumbles! They NEVER break. AND they are bright colors! I like the green and orange ones. Green for my green beverages and orange for my orange ones.

I actually only have green and orange beverages. This is 168% true.

So I broke my plate while I was washing it. I think maybe I just washed it too much and wore it down. Or because I dropped it in the sink. Either way, it is now two half-plates.

You know what's cool? A kaleidoscope. Wow! That's a hard word to spell.

Oh...I thought of that because I was thinking of putting plate pieces into one. That would be awesome! Kaleidoscopes are really pretty. I would like to have one.

OOOOH! I would like a rocketship that is powered by a kaleidoscope!

Kaleidoscope Rocket!

That would be a good band name.

It would also be a good name for a unicorn.

I'm off to buy a unicorn and a rocket.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the bison representative

The United States of America needs a mammal. A "National Mammal."

We've gone mammal-free for far too long! Lawmakers have introduced the National Bison Legacy Act so when you think America, you think bison-mammal!

The Intertribal Buffalo Council and the National Bison Association are behind this 100%. The NBA (not to be confused with the NBA) has members in ALL 50 states ready to make this happen.

There is no official word from President Obama about the bison...yet. But something could happen soon. He has some competition this year.

There's some election thing coming up and rumors are already starting. There is talk that Mitt Romney is a unicorn. There is no proof that he is NOT a unicorn, so clearly, there is a 99% chance that he IS a unicorn! (This is real. Look it up.)

So if Mitt becomes president, guess what our National Mammal would be! A UNICORN! (SO AWESOME!)

I know what you're thinking, "A bison could beat up a unicorn."

Really. You think that. Even though unicorns are magical and have a giant horn on their heads. You still think your bison-mammal can take out a unicorn-mammal?

I didn't think so.

This is the only important issue to think about when it comes time to vote on those ballot things.

Think about how majestic our new flag would look with a unicorn standing on a rainbow.

THAT is a United States I can unite with stately!

I'm off to make percentage heard.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj