the bison representative

The United States of America needs a mammal. A "National Mammal."

We've gone mammal-free for far too long! Lawmakers have introduced the National Bison Legacy Act so when you think America, you think bison-mammal!

The Intertribal Buffalo Council and the National Bison Association are behind this 100%. The NBA (not to be confused with the NBA) has members in ALL 50 states ready to make this happen.

There is no official word from President Obama about the bison...yet. But something could happen soon. He has some competition this year.

There's some election thing coming up and rumors are already starting. There is talk that Mitt Romney is a unicorn. There is no proof that he is NOT a unicorn, so clearly, there is a 99% chance that he IS a unicorn! (This is real. Look it up.)

So if Mitt becomes president, guess what our National Mammal would be! A UNICORN! (SO AWESOME!)

I know what you're thinking, "A bison could beat up a unicorn."

Really. You think that. Even though unicorns are magical and have a giant horn on their heads. You still think your bison-mammal can take out a unicorn-mammal?

I didn't think so.

This is the only important issue to think about when it comes time to vote on those ballot things.

Think about how majestic our new flag would look with a unicorn standing on a rainbow.

THAT is a United States I can unite with stately!

I'm off to make percentage heard.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the name was so easy...but no...

Mittens Romney! I know I talk about him all the time. Know why? HIS NAME IS MITTENS! That's why!

I STILL have no idea what he stands for politically. But you already know what I WANT him to stand for. KITTENS!

And I think that is why there is a "Dogs Against Romney" group. Yes, there really is a "Dogs Against Romney" group.

What amazes me is that they had the PERFECT name for this group and they didn't use it! It's like somebody just handed them the master sword and they pushed it away for the wooden one!

"Mutts Against Mitt!"

It's so simple! How could they have missed this?!

I guess dogs don't like catchy names. Or Mittens. Or kittens.

OH! Today is Ferris Wheel Day!

I don't know if dogs like ferris wheels. But if they don't, they SHOULD call themselves "Fidos Against Ferris Wheels." But they'll probably call themselves "Dogs Against Large Circular Things At Amusement Parks."

Because, you know, they don't like to make it easy.

I'm off to start a group against badly named groups.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

i like it when it glitters

Republican candidate Mittens Romney has been going around talking about stuff lately. Sadly, he is not talking about kittens. I truly think that should be his political stance. He should just talk about kittens at every rally!

"Hello, my name is Mittens. I like Kittens. Thank you."

"WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (that's the crowd reaction)

Well! Somebody went one step further to make his campaign even better! GLITTER!

Mittens was glitter bombed! How wonderful is that!

I like it when bombs glitter. Not like those blow uppy ones that hurt. Glitter bombs are much nicer. AND they go great with kittens and Mittens!

I think we could win every war EVER if we just glitter bomb people! Imagine the love!

Other country: "We are going to war you!"

Our country "Ok!"

POOOOOOM! GLITTER BOMB!

Other country: "We love you! And glitter! And kittens!"

Our country: "YAY!"

World problems? Solved.

I'm off to glitter my kitten and glitten my kitter.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

mittens, mittens everywhere

My faith in humanity has been restored!

I was driving to work with my mittens on. Then, the heat started working, so I took them off and put them on my lap.

THEN! I got to work, forget that they were on my lap and I guess they fell onto the ground.

When I got out of work, guess what I saw next to my car...

MY MITTENS!

Nobody stole them! How amazing is that?! I even had a car next to me. That person could have seen my mittens and just taken them and kept their hands warm forever.

But they didn't! Because they love me!

I'm sure they love you, too. I bet they wouldn't steal your mittens, either.

Mittens Romney probably gets mittens for free since that's his name.

Speaking of presidential names. Well, Mittens isn't president yet, but he's trying! Did you know the president of Nigeria has a fun name? It's Goodluck Jonathan!

I wish they would work together for a bill or law or something. Like, the "Goodluck Mittens Accord."

That would be the most ADORABLE accord ever! I LOVE IT! Maybe use a picture of a kitten on it!

Kittens wearing mittens are so cute. I'd say that's tied for 3rd on my "Most Cutest Things Ever" list.

I'm off to wear my mittens.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj