happy money

CNN recently asked people “How much money do you need to be happy?”

Guess what! Most people said that if they had about $100,000 a year, they would be happy!

Wanna know how many people said that money can’t buy happiness? 6%! That’s it! And they are kinda right. Money can’t actually buy an emotion. BUT! It does buy all the stuff that gives me the happy emotion!

Like jelly beans.

$100,000 is SO far out of my realm of money options that I can’t even imagine what I’d do with that much money.

Ok. That’s a lie. I know exactly what I would do. I would buy a pool. Then I would fill it with jelly beans. Then I would swim in it every day. And have a pool party every week with mutant, party jellyfish. I would also invite peanut butter over. Because peanut butter and I are besties.

I should figure out a way to make millions of monies. OH! You know what I think would make me rich? Fruit-shaped containers.

Many fruits are soft when they are ripe. And that makes them so hard to transport! I think they make a banana one, but why stop there?! I just had a pear. It was all beaten up because it was in my bag! There is no pear container!

Or an avocado case. Because you don’t want that all messed up. Or containers for watermelon slices! I use my sandwich container, but it’s not a perfect fit. Sometimes I have to squish some of my melon to make it fit. NOBODY wants squished melons!

I will call it the “FruitCase” and I will sell it on infomercials late at night when people are tired and desire unbruised fruit.

I’m off to get fruity rich.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

welcome to the fantasy

I would love to be rich. Not Rich the guy I work with. He’s cool and all, but I was actually talking about money-rich.

I would be a ridiculous rich person! I know this because of Neiman Marcus. Every year you probably see something in the news about their “Fantasy Gifts” that cost more money than they’re worth.

This year is no different. And if I had the money, I would totally buy all of these crazy things! Because it would be so much fun!

Like the Bespoke Global Falconry Companion for $150,000. This gift has everything you need if you are a falconer…er…like to falconate? Practice falconry? Whatever it is, when you are outside with your falcon, you probably always wish you had a backgammon board. (That’s included.) It also has a gold perch for your falcon. Even a cigar carrying case!

Because falconry practitioners love cigars and backgammons! The falcon is not included. But who needs a falcon? I mean, you’ll probably be too busy drinking Sunny D from your decanter (also included) to realize you’re falconless.

Don’t want to look like you own a falcon? How about the Ultimate Outdoor Entertainment System for $2,640,000! Get a 201-inch TV that hides underground! You can raise it from the grave with a remote and then start watching TV with your falcon. (Still not included, but should be.)

I don’t know how much I love that idea. Have you ever decided to sit down and watch TV and it takes a few seconds for the TV to actually get started? You’re in a rush to watch something and those 3 seconds are just killing you!

Imagine having to wait for the TV to dig itself out from your yard! I guess I could program my falcon to get the TV ready as I’m walking down my golden tower to my patio to watch TV. But where am I going to get a falcon?

Every gift really should just have a falcon come with it.

Oh, and yes, feel free to buy these items for me. I don’t have a yard or a falcon, but I’m pretty sure my neighbor wouldn’t notice a 201-inch TV on their property.

I’m off to start digging a 202-inch hole.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj