That’s a thing. A real thing. It’s called a Black Sapote. BUT it is also known as Chocolate Pudding Fruit!
When I heard about this, I almost exploded from excitement. Literally. It’s happened before, so I know what it feels like when it almost happens.
Then I got skeptical. Because, you know, you would THINK a fruit that tastes like chocolate would SELL LIKE A FRUIT THAT TASTES LIKE CHOCOLATE.
It’s a decent fruit. Pretty high in fiber. Vitamin A and C. But does it taste like chocolate pudding?!
Well…maybe. Since I can’t really find this fruit anywhere, I looked it up online. Most people seem to say that it has a mild chocolate flavor. Though, somebody said it was like pear/banana combo. A pearana? Banear?
One person said it might be psychological because it LOOKS just like chocolate pudding. You can’t eat the skin, so you cut it open, and chocolate pudding is in there!
This is like peeling an orange and a finding whipped cream!
Or opening a watermelon and finding a puppy!
Or cutting open an apple to find out it’s filled with love and gummy bears!
So yes, this fruit does exist. But it’s not quite the miracle we thought. I would still like to try it.
Even if it doesn’t taste just like chocolate, it can’t be as bad as cutting a mango.
Yes. I’m still bitter. Like arugula.
I’m off to peel a banana to see what’s inside. I hope it's a rainbow.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label fruit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fruit. Show all posts
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
fruit cutter 2: mangry
I thought I could cut fruit. I really, really did. I was prancing in a beautiful world full or cut pineapples and watermelons! Everybody was smiling and happy and dancing! I thought I could handle anything!
That overconfidence was my downfall. Into a descent of fruit salad fury.
First, the mango. The mango got me mangry. I tried a few different cutting techniques. Wanna know what you should do with a mango? NOTHING. It’s mostly pit! Or, whatever is in it! It’s only worth a small bite of fruit!
If you never had one, here’s an easy way to try it. Get a 2x4. Preferably a tougher wood. Like a Grey Ironback. Then take one banana and spread it around the 2x4 so you have a thin layer of fruit.
Then try to eat it. THAT is a mango.
After the mango mangling, I thought I would have some fun with fruit that I already loved. Bananas, strawberries, and pineapple. I thought, “I’ll make a fancy fruit salad!”
NOPE! Don’t do it! Cutting a strawberry is silly! You can just eat it as is. There is no reason to cut it into slices. You get, like, two slices. Don’t waste your time.
And bananas just go smoosh. The end.
See, you have to cut pineapples and watermelons because they have a thick shell. But bananas? NO! It’s not natural to cut them! You don’t have to!
The same with strawberries! It’s against nature!
You don’t want to fight nature, do you?
NO. YOU DON’T.
I’m off to eat fruit the way it is meant to be eaten at dictated by nature.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
That overconfidence was my downfall. Into a descent of fruit salad fury.
First, the mango. The mango got me mangry. I tried a few different cutting techniques. Wanna know what you should do with a mango? NOTHING. It’s mostly pit! Or, whatever is in it! It’s only worth a small bite of fruit!
If you never had one, here’s an easy way to try it. Get a 2x4. Preferably a tougher wood. Like a Grey Ironback. Then take one banana and spread it around the 2x4 so you have a thin layer of fruit.
Then try to eat it. THAT is a mango.
After the mango mangling, I thought I would have some fun with fruit that I already loved. Bananas, strawberries, and pineapple. I thought, “I’ll make a fancy fruit salad!”
NOPE! Don’t do it! Cutting a strawberry is silly! You can just eat it as is. There is no reason to cut it into slices. You get, like, two slices. Don’t waste your time.
And bananas just go smoosh. The end.
See, you have to cut pineapples and watermelons because they have a thick shell. But bananas? NO! It’s not natural to cut them! You don’t have to!
The same with strawberries! It’s against nature!
You don’t want to fight nature, do you?
NO. YOU DON’T.
I’m off to eat fruit the way it is meant to be eaten at dictated by nature.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Friday, June 27, 2014
fruit cutter
I’m a fruit cutter and I’m proud to admit it!
I’ve been testing some new fruits lately, but I’m insanely lazy. I have no desire to cook or prepare food. I don’t know why people would want to do that. It takes so much time!
You know what you could be doing? SOMETHING FUN.
Well, I’ve been testing out my cutting skills on watermelons and pineapples. And guess what! I don’t mind it! I’m shocked that I’ve done this more than once. Seriously. Making food kills me.
Literally. I die every single time. Luckily, I come back to life right after it happens. It’s very strange. In my head, I imagine that everybody else hates it as much as I do.
Of course, some people tell me that I think differently than most people. I don’t believe them.
So yes! I cut large shelled fruit! Well…it’s not a shell. Peel? Rind, I guess? Why are there so many names for the fruit skin?
Like, there are orange and banana peels. For some reason, the watermelon has a “rind.” And it looks like the pineapple just calls it the skin.
Can’t we just have one name for all this stuff? Like, Fruit Shield? Or Fruit Wall? Or Annoying Part Keeping Me From Sweetness?
How did people even find out there was fruit inside? I mean, maybe a watermelon fell and broke open. But what is it about a pineapple that says, “Hey! Open me up for a sweet treat! I know I kinda look like a porcupine/hedgehog thing with funky hair, but I promise that you can touch me and not die!”
I still don’t completely trust them. When cutting a pineapple, I never know if they will just attack. It could happen! Pineapples could just be sitting there…waiting…and when we least expect it…Pina Colada Assault! Here’s manganese in your face!
That’s why I shoot my pineapples with an arrow first. From a safe distance. In the supermarket. Then bring it home.
I won’t be caught unawares. Sadly, I’m not allowed in most supermarkets anymore.
I’m off to skin the apple of pine.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
I’ve been testing some new fruits lately, but I’m insanely lazy. I have no desire to cook or prepare food. I don’t know why people would want to do that. It takes so much time!
You know what you could be doing? SOMETHING FUN.
Well, I’ve been testing out my cutting skills on watermelons and pineapples. And guess what! I don’t mind it! I’m shocked that I’ve done this more than once. Seriously. Making food kills me.
Literally. I die every single time. Luckily, I come back to life right after it happens. It’s very strange. In my head, I imagine that everybody else hates it as much as I do.
Of course, some people tell me that I think differently than most people. I don’t believe them.
So yes! I cut large shelled fruit! Well…it’s not a shell. Peel? Rind, I guess? Why are there so many names for the fruit skin?
Like, there are orange and banana peels. For some reason, the watermelon has a “rind.” And it looks like the pineapple just calls it the skin.
Can’t we just have one name for all this stuff? Like, Fruit Shield? Or Fruit Wall? Or Annoying Part Keeping Me From Sweetness?
How did people even find out there was fruit inside? I mean, maybe a watermelon fell and broke open. But what is it about a pineapple that says, “Hey! Open me up for a sweet treat! I know I kinda look like a porcupine/hedgehog thing with funky hair, but I promise that you can touch me and not die!”
I still don’t completely trust them. When cutting a pineapple, I never know if they will just attack. It could happen! Pineapples could just be sitting there…waiting…and when we least expect it…Pina Colada Assault! Here’s manganese in your face!
That’s why I shoot my pineapples with an arrow first. From a safe distance. In the supermarket. Then bring it home.
I won’t be caught unawares. Sadly, I’m not allowed in most supermarkets anymore.
I’m off to skin the apple of pine.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Monday, June 9, 2014
happy money
CNN recently asked people “How much money do you need to be happy?”
Guess what! Most people said that if they had about $100,000 a year, they would be happy!
Wanna know how many people said that money can’t buy happiness? 6%! That’s it! And they are kinda right. Money can’t actually buy an emotion. BUT! It does buy all the stuff that gives me the happy emotion!
Like jelly beans.
$100,000 is SO far out of my realm of money options that I can’t even imagine what I’d do with that much money.
Ok. That’s a lie. I know exactly what I would do. I would buy a pool. Then I would fill it with jelly beans. Then I would swim in it every day. And have a pool party every week with mutant, party jellyfish. I would also invite peanut butter over. Because peanut butter and I are besties.
I should figure out a way to make millions of monies. OH! You know what I think would make me rich? Fruit-shaped containers.
Many fruits are soft when they are ripe. And that makes them so hard to transport! I think they make a banana one, but why stop there?! I just had a pear. It was all beaten up because it was in my bag! There is no pear container!
Or an avocado case. Because you don’t want that all messed up. Or containers for watermelon slices! I use my sandwich container, but it’s not a perfect fit. Sometimes I have to squish some of my melon to make it fit. NOBODY wants squished melons!
I will call it the “FruitCase” and I will sell it on infomercials late at night when people are tired and desire unbruised fruit.
I’m off to get fruity rich.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Guess what! Most people said that if they had about $100,000 a year, they would be happy!
Wanna know how many people said that money can’t buy happiness? 6%! That’s it! And they are kinda right. Money can’t actually buy an emotion. BUT! It does buy all the stuff that gives me the happy emotion!
Like jelly beans.
$100,000 is SO far out of my realm of money options that I can’t even imagine what I’d do with that much money.
Ok. That’s a lie. I know exactly what I would do. I would buy a pool. Then I would fill it with jelly beans. Then I would swim in it every day. And have a pool party every week with mutant, party jellyfish. I would also invite peanut butter over. Because peanut butter and I are besties.
I should figure out a way to make millions of monies. OH! You know what I think would make me rich? Fruit-shaped containers.
Many fruits are soft when they are ripe. And that makes them so hard to transport! I think they make a banana one, but why stop there?! I just had a pear. It was all beaten up because it was in my bag! There is no pear container!
Or an avocado case. Because you don’t want that all messed up. Or containers for watermelon slices! I use my sandwich container, but it’s not a perfect fit. Sometimes I have to squish some of my melon to make it fit. NOBODY wants squished melons!
I will call it the “FruitCase” and I will sell it on infomercials late at night when people are tired and desire unbruised fruit.
I’m off to get fruity rich.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Thursday, May 1, 2014
yummy yummy fruit salad tree
Fruit salad trees are a thing. A thing that is real! Totally Real!
I know you think I’m making this up, but I’m not! If you look it up online, you will find that there are FAKE trees that grow bananas and apples and oranges and everything.
These are NOT those. Some tree scientists in Australia can make a tree have different fruits on it. But they do have to be related.
There’s a citrus tree with oranges and lemons and limes and stuff. A stone fruit tree with peaches and plums and apricots. An apple tree with different apples. And a nashi tree.
I didn’t know what a nashi was until today. It’s like the Asian pear.
They make these trees by grafting branches from multiple fruit trees together. The branches will keep growing different kinds of fruit for their whole life!
You can buy these trees and TOTALLY freak out your neighbors! They’ll never know what happened!
They’ll think you’re some crazy fruit scientist and they’ll worry that you’re growing an army of broccoli (not a fruit, but they're scarier) soldiers in your basement and call the CIA to come over and investigate you and then you’ll invite the CIA in for some citrus smoothies that you made using only one tree and your neighbor will feel silly and sit in the shade of their orange grove and look longingly at your citrus tree and wish they could eat something other than oranges but won’t be able to so they'll just sit there peeling orange after orange crying tears of vitamin c onto their “Orange you glad I made fresh juice” sweater.
Or maybe they’ll just come over and enjoy a tangelo. Either way, you have the better tree.
There are also pomato plants. Where they graft a tomato and a potato plant together. You get tomatoes on top and potatoes underground!
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Why aren’t they doing this with humans?”
That’s a good question. And I don’t know. I would love to grow lemons and limes on myself. Hopefully they’re working on that.
I’m off to nashi.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
I know you think I’m making this up, but I’m not! If you look it up online, you will find that there are FAKE trees that grow bananas and apples and oranges and everything.
These are NOT those. Some tree scientists in Australia can make a tree have different fruits on it. But they do have to be related.
There’s a citrus tree with oranges and lemons and limes and stuff. A stone fruit tree with peaches and plums and apricots. An apple tree with different apples. And a nashi tree.
I didn’t know what a nashi was until today. It’s like the Asian pear.
They make these trees by grafting branches from multiple fruit trees together. The branches will keep growing different kinds of fruit for their whole life!
You can buy these trees and TOTALLY freak out your neighbors! They’ll never know what happened!
They’ll think you’re some crazy fruit scientist and they’ll worry that you’re growing an army of broccoli (not a fruit, but they're scarier) soldiers in your basement and call the CIA to come over and investigate you and then you’ll invite the CIA in for some citrus smoothies that you made using only one tree and your neighbor will feel silly and sit in the shade of their orange grove and look longingly at your citrus tree and wish they could eat something other than oranges but won’t be able to so they'll just sit there peeling orange after orange crying tears of vitamin c onto their “Orange you glad I made fresh juice” sweater.
Or maybe they’ll just come over and enjoy a tangelo. Either way, you have the better tree.
There are also pomato plants. Where they graft a tomato and a potato plant together. You get tomatoes on top and potatoes underground!
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Why aren’t they doing this with humans?”
That’s a good question. And I don’t know. I would love to grow lemons and limes on myself. Hopefully they’re working on that.
I’m off to nashi.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Friday, February 15, 2013
the citrus experiment
I've been testing out citrus. I found that some citrus items have been showing up in the stores in very fun bags with cute cartoon citrus-people on them. When I see cute citrus, I buy!
If you sell something in a fun package, I'm pretty much guaranteed to get it. I'm easy like that.
Normally, I would avoid citrus. For two reasons:
One: It's expensive.
Other: It's really hard to peel.
Bananas are good. EASY to peel. Citrus-peel always sticks to the juicy fruit center! I never had an easy way to peel it off!
Until now! A very wise friend of mine told me to roll it. Put the fruit on a table, then put my hand on it and roll it around firmly. That separates the fruit from the skin a little and makes for an easier peeling. And it totally works!
Now I'm trying all sorts of fun citrus! I even found the Sunkist Citrus Wheel online to help me with my shopping. Seriously, you have no idea how excited I am now that I can peel my citrus!
I plan on taking a trip around the entire Citrus Wheel. It might take me long time, but I believe that I will be a better, if not Vitamin C-er, person at the end of it.
So far: Cara caras: check. Blood orange: check. (And extra fun because you can pretend to be an Orange Vampire. Hsssss.) Navel oranges: check. Clementines: check.
You better look out Dancy Tangerines, I'm comin' for you next. You could say you danced your last tango-rine in Paris. (You don't have to...but you could.)
I'm off to roll my citrus.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Monday, July 16, 2012
combine them all for easy use
I found a beverage that has a COMBINED serving of fruit and vegetables. Legally, I am supposed to have 2 cups of fruit and 3 cups of vegetables every day.
If I do not, I get slapped by a cruciferous vegetable.
Cruciferous always makes me think iron is having a bad day. Luckily, every time we're missing an r, iron lives another day!
No, not because it's ion. This is more of a chemistry joke than an electron joke.
It's funny...really...well, I mean, if I have to explain it, it's not funny. Just trust me, somebody will like it!
So, in theory, we need 5 servings of both during the day. This beverage counts as one COMBINED serving. So...I guess...half of each?
I have no idea how to follow the servings rule after that. Therefore, we need a new system. ALL fruits and veggies will be combined!
Now you can enjoy some yummy garlemons! Maybe throw some carricots in your salad! Or snack on some zuccananas!
This makes life so much easier! Have 5 fruiggies in the day and you can avoid a slapping!
...
You're still annoyed by my joke earlier, aren't you. Look, don't blame me for the confusion. Blame Faraday! If he didn't start using the term "ion" when he was playing with electrodes, it would have died with the Greeks and we wouldn't even THINK that's what I meant by the missing r! We would just have to worry about the Latin root for ferrous!
This would be so much easier if I knew how to make sense.
I'm off to drink a fruiggie.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
perfectly packed pickles, please
We are in the middle of International Pickle Week! Some of you may know that I'm a HUGE fan of the pickle. It is my favorite fruit/vegetable. I say fruit/vegetable because it is generally called a vegetable unless you go to court. By law, it is a fruit.
If you are ever in a law pickle where a pickle was used for something illegal, make sure you call it a fruit. The U.S. Supreme Court will (maybe) arrest you if you do not.
As much as I love pickles, I did NOT know there was an actual organization regulating pickles. Pickle Packers International has been "serving the pickled vegetable industry for over 100 years."
Or "pickled fruit industry" for you Supreme Courters.
The PPI has all sorts of great information on their website.
Wanna dance? Try the Pickle Polka!
Going out for a fancy date? You can buy some pickle earrings and a bracelet!
But they're not ALL fun & games! (Please ignore the fact that there is a "Fun & Games" section on their website.)
They will also test your pickle's crunch. For your pickle to be deemed an OFFICIAL pickle, it MUST have an audible crunch that can be heard from a minimum distance of 10 paces.
Anything less than that and the pickle is destroyed. And you are slapped with a much sturdier regulation pickle.
So be careful. I've been pickle-slapped before. It hurts.
Luckily, I was able to eat it after. And the Vitamin K healed my wounds. (In case you forgot, pickles are jam-packed with Vitamin K. And Vitamin K has been unproven to heal all wounds.)
I'm off to pickle polka.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Monday, March 19, 2012
everything I know about sports i learned from women
That's true. A few years ago I found out there is a football team called the Tennessee Titans. At first, I did not believe this to be true. She then showed me actual proof that they exist.
That is now my favorite football team. Mostly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. Partly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. And it's REALLY fun to say, "GO TITANS!" (that's their battle cry).
This past weekend, I found out that there is a college basketball team named after a fruit! Not just a fruit, but a fruit/color combination! The Syracuse Orange!
The mascot is, in fact, an orange! Sure, an orange has never grown in upstate New York, but that didn't stop Syracuse! They could have gone with a fighting dinosaur, which can grow in upstate New York, but they decided the orange was scarier.
And they were right. If you play "Rock, Paper, Scissor, Dinosaur, Orange," then you know that the only thing that beats orange is paper.
Luckily, there is no team called "The Papers" in NCAA basketball.
The Oranges regularly beat other teams with their Vitamin C-ness. C stands for "C? We will beat you and win when we play basketball!"
That's the original definition of Vitamin C. From dinosaur days. When dinosaurs roamed upstate New York. They wouldn't go any more souther than that for fear of a rogue orange rolling up from Florida.
Rogue Orange would be a cool band name.
I'm off to throw paper.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
That is now my favorite football team. Mostly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. Partly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. And it's REALLY fun to say, "GO TITANS!" (that's their battle cry).
This past weekend, I found out that there is a college basketball team named after a fruit! Not just a fruit, but a fruit/color combination! The Syracuse Orange!
The mascot is, in fact, an orange! Sure, an orange has never grown in upstate New York, but that didn't stop Syracuse! They could have gone with a fighting dinosaur, which can grow in upstate New York, but they decided the orange was scarier.
And they were right. If you play "Rock, Paper, Scissor, Dinosaur, Orange," then you know that the only thing that beats orange is paper.
Luckily, there is no team called "The Papers" in NCAA basketball.
The Oranges regularly beat other teams with their Vitamin C-ness. C stands for "C? We will beat you and win when we play basketball!"
That's the original definition of Vitamin C. From dinosaur days. When dinosaurs roamed upstate New York. They wouldn't go any more souther than that for fear of a rogue orange rolling up from Florida.
Rogue Orange would be a cool band name.
I'm off to throw paper.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
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