toilet it go

Apparently people aren't happy with the number of bathrooms in their home. They want MORE.

A new study says that new homes are being built with at least THREE bathrooms.

You know what I say? GOOD.

That might not be necessary if it's a new couple buying the house and there are only two people. But if they plan on having children, they need those bathrooms! If four people REALLY have to go after a long drive, you definitely want more than one bathroom in the house.

Luckily, I live alone and I have at least one bathroom.

Actually, I would like a house with bathrooms all over the place. Then, if I had to go, I wouldn't have to go very far. Maybe have a bathroom attached to every room of the house. Living room, den, bedroom, closets...

What's the difference between a den and living room, anyway?

Hold on...let me check...

Ok, the internettings helped me out. See, a den is supposed to be the quieter family room. The living room is a social room where guests can come and chat!

The living room is generally near the entrance of the house and the den is hidden away. Far, far away. Possibly in another galaxy. Just in case your family needs a REALLY quiet spot.

Also, the bathroom in the living room is more social, so that's awkward. The den bathroom is much quieter.

My house would even have a bathroom attached to the bathroom. Like a bathroom inception.

The bathroom that is attached to the bathroom is great when you need a bathroom.

I'm off to house a bathroom...or room a bathhouse?

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

circle the magnetic field

Have you ever seen dogs circle around before they go to the bathroom? Did you know that scientists have been trying to figure their reasons for YEARS and now have a theory as to why?!

They like to line up with the magnetic field! The Earth’s magnetic field. Not the band. You don’t have to play them certain songs to go to the bathroom.

Well, your dog MIGHT need that. But it’s not what was studied.

The magnetic field is not always “calm.” But, when it is, dogs line up along the north-south axis. Then it is time to go bathrooming!

How do they even know?! Are all dogs like Magneto?! Do they know that you need protection from cosmic rays when going potty? I mean, that’s the first thing my mom ever taught me.

Me: “MOM! I have to potty!”

Mom: “The bathroom is over there. But remember, WATCH OUT FOR COSMIC RAYS!”

Maybe the Fantastic Four should have had my mom.

Is this actually something humans should do? Is there something in the digestive system that works better when lined up with the north-south axis? Should I eat more magnets? (Editor’s Note: NEVER EAT MAGNETS)

Should I be bringing a compass with me every time I go to the bathroom?

Maybe I should go into the woods and attempt to "feel" the magnetic field. I’ve been called an outdoorsman before. I mean, I called myself that once. I have been outdoors. So I’m pretty sure it’s true.

As you can see, I have a lot of questions about going to the bathroom. I have no idea what I should do. Hopefully somebody will answer them soon because I really have to go.

I’m off to field a magnet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

pictures on the door

I like rooms with pictures on the doors. I feel very ancient Egyptian. Like bathrooms. Instead of wasting a lot of space on the door saying "This is a bathroom for the male gender," or "This door opens the way to a bathroom for women," all they do is put a nondescript humanish thing on the door with either their hands facing straight down, for men, or their arms lifted a little due to a triangle-ish outfit, for women. (Yes, that was a long sentence.)

I would like triangley clothes. They seem comfortable. Sadly, I cannot find any. If I did, I still wouldn't go into the women's room.

A woman DID go into the men's room, though! JUST as I was walking to the sink, the door opened and an older lady walked in. She said, "Sorry, the other bathroom is closed."

She SAID sorry, but I could hear in her voice that she wasn't really sorry at all. Possibly because she had to go to the bathroom. Sometimes when I really have to go, I get cranky, so I won't hold it against her.

Perhaps the door should have a sign that says, "Men...and sometimes Women. If the other Women is closed."

In MORE bathroom adventures (it was a busy week!), I got to hear music in there! It's pretty common to hear people's phones go off while in the bathroom. So, sometimes I get to hear a minute of a song before going to voicemail.

Or, in some cases, before the guy in the stall answers it. Which is...their prerogative.

But it's VERY rare that I just hear music! Like, somebody in the stall listening to their playlist. Not a phone call. Just an "I'm-bored-so-I'll-listen-to-music" situation.

Maybe the gentleman was a little shy and wanted cover music. Which is fine. That's totally understandable.

Maybe the sign on the door should have a picture of musical notes on it. Just as a warning.

Or it could say "Men...and sometimes Women. If the other Women is closed. With the possible chance of music playing."

If I learned anything from ancient Egypt, all I'd have to do is have a picture of a guy and a gal with musical notes over their head.

Of course, I might think it's a discotheque and not a bathroom. And that would be cool to have down the hall, but not as useful. Even though ancient Egyptian discotheques were fun. They had disco pyramids instead of disco balls. It was awesome.

I'm off to put on a triangle.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

what is this bliss

I had to buy cleaning gloves. Now, I've bought many gloves in the past. I've never had a problem. No allergies to any kind. Latex or latex-free.

Even though they don't bother me, that doesn't stop me from trying Bliss!

Mr. Clean has created a "proprietary material" that is called "Bliss."

That means it's not latex. They don't actually tell you what Bliss is. It just...is.

After using Bliss for my cleaning, I think I can tell you the ingredients. It's the softest part of a cloud picked from the sky at the peak of ripeness.

Then magically blended with a shield made of white gold.

It's molded into the shape of a hand by a princess and a dragon who are best friends and wear friendship bracelets they made for each other at sleepaway camp two million years ago.

At this camp, they also made a birdhouse out of toothpicks, but that doesn't have to do with their friendship. They just liked doing it. Birds liked it too.

They make this hand of softness and protection with their princess/dragon powers and finally put it into a box sealed with love and happiness and sweetness and hugs.

Then they sell it to me in the store. Where I buy it. Then use it to clean my bathroom.

That is how you make Bliss.

At least, that's what I saw after I slipped in the tub.

I woke up a few days later with a nasty bruise on my head. And soft gloves on my hands.

It was a good day...days?

I'm off to clean with Bliss.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj