maybe I use too many words

So, the popular app right now is “Yo.” Which sends messages to your contacts. But the only message it sends is “Yo.”

Seriously. That’s it. If you haven’t heard about this, well…Yo.

Now you have.

When I write, I actually try to make it about a page. The old standard piece of paper. 8.5x11. I’m sure you’ve seen one before in a museum.

Kids, ask your parents what paper is.

Now, in the ye olden days (like, last week), if I wanted to say “Yo” to a friend, I would have to open the messaging app, tap on someone’s name, tap a "y," then an "o," then tap send. I guess a period would be in there, too.

That’s six taps! With the Yo app, you open the app and then tap a person’s name and that’s it! Two taps! That is a savings of FOUR taps!

Imagine what you could do with that time! You could Yo two more people!

The Yo people say that “Yo” can mean anything you want. It depends on the context.

I have one issue with that. THERE IS NO CONTEXT. Yo within a context of Yo only means Yo! It can mean nothing else!

Am I the only one who sees this?!

Clearly I am too verbose. I mean, I’ve used, like, 225 words so far. That's way more than two letters. When I could have just put “Yo” on the top and been done with it. The context of the Yo is CLEARLY apparent!

This has to be a joke. Maybe in a week we’ll find out that it was a clever prank on the world and I didn’t get it.

Let’s hope that happens. Soon. Please.

I’m off to yo.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

shhh…no more words

Every year people who write articles online tell me what words I should STOP using. These people claim they are “experts” in "wordology." I am very "skeptical" of that "claim."

I know they actually have people who read their articles. Unlike me. I don't technically have "readers." But really, what is “reading?” Is it the act of looking at words on a page and then remembering some of them to make some sort of coherent story?

Or is it writing a blog that is put online for the entirety of the internet to “absorb” into its collective?

I say the second one. Quotes and all.

So what word pops up on all these lists of words that we shouldn’t use anymore? YOLO!

If you are unfamiliar with it, it stands for Your Orange Looks Organic.

Wait…that’s not it. That’s just what I said to that lady in the produce section. She did NOT appreciate my compliment.

It means You Only Live Once. I think all these wordycists are upset with this phrase because it’s not true for many people.

James Bond, for example. He lived at least twice.

He likes to tweet #YOLT. Which is WAY more fun to say.

Also, Time Lords. Like The Doctor. It’s more like #YOLTTUTTLGYMRFTPDGYAUAOER

You Only Live Thirteen Times Unless The Time Lords Grant You More Regenerations From Their Pocket Dimension Giving You An Unspecified Amount Of Extra Regenerations

So, yeah, you might see that in a lot of tweets. Because, you know, it happens. I just saw it happen.

I’m off to #YOLETTMTWAHDSRANFTMTYHAKAAEM

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

whatever again

Every year people get asked about what annoys them. Because we LOVE to complain about stuff! I certainly do! I do it all the time!

Am I the only one who finds it odd that the entire world is not made to be user-friendly exclusively to me?

No. I am not.

So this year, somebody asked people what words they hate the most. And topping the list...again...is "whatever."

For FOUR years it has been on the top of the list! Isn't it time we got used to it? It's a perfectly good word. That's right! I'm going to defend it! "Whatever" has lawyered up! And that lawyering is done by me! Because I know all about lawys. It is lawys, right?

One who gardens is a gardener. So one who lawys is a lawyer!

I knew I'd get that one right! I'm the best lawyerer ever!

I just have to pass the bar. That's easy. There's a bar down the street from me that I pass on my way to work every day. I've passed the bar, like, hundreds of times!

Golly...this lawyer stuff is easy. I don't know why people make such a big deal about it.

Oops. "Like" is also another word that annoys people. Well, I'll defend that one too! Because I'm the Defender! The Lawyer Defender!

You know what words I find annoying? None of them! I love all words! I'm a lexophile!

And you should be too.

I'm off to love words.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj