Every year people who write articles online tell me what words I should STOP using. These people claim they are “experts” in "wordology." I am very "skeptical" of that "claim."
I know they actually have people who read their articles. Unlike me. I don't technically have "readers." But really, what is “reading?” Is it the act of looking at words on a page and then remembering some of them to make some sort of coherent story?
Or is it writing a blog that is put online for the entirety of the internet to “absorb” into its collective?
I say the second one. Quotes and all.
So what word pops up on all these lists of words that we shouldn’t use anymore? YOLO!
If you are unfamiliar with it, it stands for Your Orange Looks Organic.
Wait…that’s not it. That’s just what I said to that lady in the produce section. She did NOT appreciate my compliment.
It means You Only Live Once. I think all these wordycists are upset with this phrase because it’s not true for many people.
James Bond, for example. He lived at least twice.
He likes to tweet #YOLT. Which is WAY more fun to say.
Also, Time Lords. Like The Doctor. It’s more like #YOLTTUTTLGYMRFTPDGYAUAOER
You Only Live Thirteen Times Unless The Time Lords Grant You More Regenerations From Their Pocket Dimension Giving You An Unspecified Amount Of Extra Regenerations
So, yeah, you might see that in a lot of tweets. Because, you know, it happens. I just saw it happen.
I’m off to #YOLETTMTWAHDSRANFTMTYHAKAAEM
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label James Bond. Show all posts
Showing posts with label James Bond. Show all posts
Monday, December 30, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
shoot my suit
Is being a professional-type person dangerous? I don’t really know what “professional” people do. I know they wear suits. I know this because I’ve seen it on TV.
See, on TV, people put on suits and carry leather lunch boxes (which, for some reason, contain papers and boring stuff instead of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) to an office where they sit and look at computers.
It never SEEMED dangerous. But it must be! Some guy in Canada (yay Canada!) made a suit using carbon nanotubes under the fabric to make the suit bulletproof! It can stop bullets and knife blades.
What is going on at your office?! I’ve heard that business can be a “dog eat dog” world, but really, stop making paper clips into shivs! This is not civilized behavior!
I suppose this would be good if you’re a spy like James Bond.
If this IS an issue, why only suits? I understand women can also wear suits, but it seems like they should also have more female-oriented fashions. Unless women don’t shoot each other at work.
I DO know that Black Widow would probably wear something like this. Maybe some evening wear.
Luckily, I don’t have this problem at work. If I did, I would ask for a bulletproof cardigan and cargo pants.
Yes, I only wear clothes that begin with the letter C. C is for Cool. And I’m Cool like that.
It’s too bad bulletproof clothes can’t protect you from bad, alphabetical jokes.
Maybe I’ll become a comedian and ONLY do alphabetical jokes. It will be funny (no, it won’t) AND educational for toddlers!
OH! I just thought of something! Bulletproof mittens! So I can catch bullets! How awesome would that be!
I’m off to learn the alphabet.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
See, on TV, people put on suits and carry leather lunch boxes (which, for some reason, contain papers and boring stuff instead of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) to an office where they sit and look at computers.
It never SEEMED dangerous. But it must be! Some guy in Canada (yay Canada!) made a suit using carbon nanotubes under the fabric to make the suit bulletproof! It can stop bullets and knife blades.
What is going on at your office?! I’ve heard that business can be a “dog eat dog” world, but really, stop making paper clips into shivs! This is not civilized behavior!
I suppose this would be good if you’re a spy like James Bond.
If this IS an issue, why only suits? I understand women can also wear suits, but it seems like they should also have more female-oriented fashions. Unless women don’t shoot each other at work.
I DO know that Black Widow would probably wear something like this. Maybe some evening wear.
Luckily, I don’t have this problem at work. If I did, I would ask for a bulletproof cardigan and cargo pants.
Yes, I only wear clothes that begin with the letter C. C is for Cool. And I’m Cool like that.
It’s too bad bulletproof clothes can’t protect you from bad, alphabetical jokes.
Maybe I’ll become a comedian and ONLY do alphabetical jokes. It will be funny (no, it won’t) AND educational for toddlers!
OH! I just thought of something! Bulletproof mittens! So I can catch bullets! How awesome would that be!
I’m off to learn the alphabet.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
unicorn customs
Can a unicorn get through customs? Yes. As long as the unicorn has magically disguised itself as a little girl!
There’s a girl from South Wales who was able to get through security in Turkey with a fake passport. A passport FOR A UNICORN.
She got this fake passport for her stuffed unicorn as part of her “Design A Bear” toy. I guess they want to make sure your stuffed animal can travel the world with you.
During the rush through Turkey customs, they gave the unicorn’s passport to the person working there instead of little Emily’s passport! And they got through!
I’m not sure what this says about security in Turkey, but I do know what it says about my new passport picture.
It’s going to be a picture of a unicorn! My name will be Sprinkle Sparkle and I will travel the world on magic, love, and United Airlines!
If anybody asks why, in my current shape, I don’t look like the picture, I will tell them that I’m in secret “human form” because there are many evil wallaby spies trying to get all my unicorn secrets from me.
Like our secret moon base. And where we store all our candy.
I’d be, like, the James Bond of unicorns. Starring in GoldenHorn. Or Unicorns are Forever. Or License to Frolic.
I’d also work for the Queen of England.
The only difference is that I would order my frosting stirred, not shaken. Because…well…can you even shake frosting? Wait…can I get a frosting shake?!
That sounds soooooo gooooood!
I’m off to shake and stir and frosting.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
There’s a girl from South Wales who was able to get through security in Turkey with a fake passport. A passport FOR A UNICORN.
She got this fake passport for her stuffed unicorn as part of her “Design A Bear” toy. I guess they want to make sure your stuffed animal can travel the world with you.
During the rush through Turkey customs, they gave the unicorn’s passport to the person working there instead of little Emily’s passport! And they got through!
I’m not sure what this says about security in Turkey, but I do know what it says about my new passport picture.
It’s going to be a picture of a unicorn! My name will be Sprinkle Sparkle and I will travel the world on magic, love, and United Airlines!
If anybody asks why, in my current shape, I don’t look like the picture, I will tell them that I’m in secret “human form” because there are many evil wallaby spies trying to get all my unicorn secrets from me.
Like our secret moon base. And where we store all our candy.
I’d be, like, the James Bond of unicorns. Starring in GoldenHorn. Or Unicorns are Forever. Or License to Frolic.
I’d also work for the Queen of England.
The only difference is that I would order my frosting stirred, not shaken. Because…well…can you even shake frosting? Wait…can I get a frosting shake?!
That sounds soooooo gooooood!
I’m off to shake and stir and frosting.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
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