putting the ants in plants

Here's the headline I saw: "Carnivorous Plants Employ Bodyguard Ants."

WHAT?! If you weren't scared about the end of the world before, you should be now!

These plants (THAT EAT MEAT, BY THE WAY) pay ants with nectar to protect them from enemies on the ground so they can catch MEAT ANIMALS from above.

Not scared?

How about this: Plants can use their roots to walk. I've seen it. On TV. In cartoons. And once they get as big as houses, THEY MOVE PRETTY FAST.

Imagine giant plants coming to town to EAT MEAT with an army of bodyguard ants in front of them. What chance do we have?!

Oh, in case you forgot, YOU ARE MEAT. Again...these plants EAT MEAT.

Are you getting it now?! Are you scared?!

You should be. This is doomsday scenario #962.

I have 8,487 scenarios. 7,034 of them involve dinosaurs.

Sometimes they help the humans fight robots. Sometimes they eat first and ask questions later.

I like the times when I ride them like horsies. Those are the fun scenarios.

Maybe I should start a list of "Fun Riding Dinosaurs" scenarios instead of "Doomsday" scenarios.

I'm off work on my lists.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

bad at keeping time

Have you heard about this Doomsday Clock? It's not a very good clock. I mean, the time changes all willy-nilly! Some guy can just move it forward a minute or two. But then, another guy can go there and move it back!

What kind of clock is that? I might miss Sesame Street! Or my plane! Or anything else that will happen at any previously planned designated time!

I mean, I have this clock at home that keeps going. Like, I set it once, and then the second hand keeps going around and the minutes keep moving forward and stuff and I'm pretty sure that's how it's supposed to go.

But this Doomsday Clock is getting moved back and forth by some evil scientist.

At least, I imagine it's an evil scientist. What OTHER kind of scientist would name something a "Doomsday" clock?!

I've read enough comic books to know that when "Doomsday" is used to describe something, that something is made to destroy the world.

Here's my idea. Move the minute hand WAY before doomsday o'clock and take the batteries out. This way, we won't have to worry about any doomsdayery happening.

If possible, could we move it to 2:30? I like that time. That's when it's time to go to the dentist. (That joke makes me laugh EVERY TIME!)

Or, if that's not possible, could we at least set it to Pretzel Time. That'd be swell. Thanks.

I'm off to set my clock.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj