phone home atari

There’s an urban legend of a treasure. A treasure that would make pirates scream like a giddy girl on pizza day. A treasure that would make tigers purr like kittens in teacups! A treasure that would make gold coins look like a pile of yellow underwear lint!

A landfill where it is rumored Atari dumped a bunch of cruddy video games (mostly E.T.) in 1983!

I had an Atari 2600. It rocked. I also had the E.T. video game! I’m not sure if it belonged to me or my brother. It most likely belonged to my brother because he was older and smarter and had a job building a time machine for the government when we were kids, so he had lots of money to throw around.

At least, that’s what he told me. If I disagreed, he would beat me up. I generally agreed.

I can still remember TO THIS DAY that I could NOT understand what to do in E.T. AT ALL. I guess nobody else could figure it out because it is considered one of the worst video games of all time! Atari was so embarrassed by it that they took E.T. (and possibly a bunch of other awful games) and secretly dumped them into a landfill in southern New Mexico.

The story says that 10-20 trucks FILLED with games were buried with hopes that they would just die a quiet death there.

NO SUCH LUCK! A Canadian production company is going to film a documentary with them digging through the landfill for the games! I don’t know why. I guess Canada just got the Atari 2600 and can’t find any games for it. Sometimes things happen later in Canada.

I also remember a game called Track and Field. I think it gave me carpal tunnel. You had to move the joystick back and forth REALLY fast to get your character to run. I would put my palm on the top of the joystick and shake my hand back and forth like crazy to get a good time. Like I was waving at the floor really, really fast.

I may have gotten a good score, but now my hands can’t stop shaking. The doctors say it’s a genetic disease. I say it’s post Atari stress disorder.

There’s a possibility that this is all false. Atari has never said that ANY of this is true. Hopefully it is. I would like to play Yars' Revenge again.

I’m off to track and also field.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the name was so easy...but no...

Mittens Romney! I know I talk about him all the time. Know why? HIS NAME IS MITTENS! That's why!

I STILL have no idea what he stands for politically. But you already know what I WANT him to stand for. KITTENS!

And I think that is why there is a "Dogs Against Romney" group. Yes, there really is a "Dogs Against Romney" group.

What amazes me is that they had the PERFECT name for this group and they didn't use it! It's like somebody just handed them the master sword and they pushed it away for the wooden one!

"Mutts Against Mitt!"

It's so simple! How could they have missed this?!

I guess dogs don't like catchy names. Or Mittens. Or kittens.

OH! Today is Ferris Wheel Day!

I don't know if dogs like ferris wheels. But if they don't, they SHOULD call themselves "Fidos Against Ferris Wheels." But they'll probably call themselves "Dogs Against Large Circular Things At Amusement Parks."

Because, you know, they don't like to make it easy.

I'm off to start a group against badly named groups.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

i like it when it glitters

Republican candidate Mittens Romney has been going around talking about stuff lately. Sadly, he is not talking about kittens. I truly think that should be his political stance. He should just talk about kittens at every rally!

"Hello, my name is Mittens. I like Kittens. Thank you."

"WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (that's the crowd reaction)

Well! Somebody went one step further to make his campaign even better! GLITTER!

Mittens was glitter bombed! How wonderful is that!

I like it when bombs glitter. Not like those blow uppy ones that hurt. Glitter bombs are much nicer. AND they go great with kittens and Mittens!

I think we could win every war EVER if we just glitter bomb people! Imagine the love!

Other country: "We are going to war you!"

Our country "Ok!"

POOOOOOM! GLITTER BOMB!

Other country: "We love you! And glitter! And kittens!"

Our country: "YAY!"

World problems? Solved.

I'm off to glitter my kitten and glitten my kitter.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

mittens, mittens everywhere

My faith in humanity has been restored!

I was driving to work with my mittens on. Then, the heat started working, so I took them off and put them on my lap.

THEN! I got to work, forget that they were on my lap and I guess they fell onto the ground.

When I got out of work, guess what I saw next to my car...

MY MITTENS!

Nobody stole them! How amazing is that?! I even had a car next to me. That person could have seen my mittens and just taken them and kept their hands warm forever.

But they didn't! Because they love me!

I'm sure they love you, too. I bet they wouldn't steal your mittens, either.

Mittens Romney probably gets mittens for free since that's his name.

Speaking of presidential names. Well, Mittens isn't president yet, but he's trying! Did you know the president of Nigeria has a fun name? It's Goodluck Jonathan!

I wish they would work together for a bill or law or something. Like, the "Goodluck Mittens Accord."

That would be the most ADORABLE accord ever! I LOVE IT! Maybe use a picture of a kitten on it!

Kittens wearing mittens are so cute. I'd say that's tied for 3rd on my "Most Cutest Things Ever" list.

I'm off to wear my mittens.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj