shoot my suit

Is being a professional-type person dangerous? I don’t really know what “professional” people do. I know they wear suits. I know this because I’ve seen it on TV.

See, on TV, people put on suits and carry leather lunch boxes (which, for some reason, contain papers and boring stuff instead of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) to an office where they sit and look at computers.

It never SEEMED dangerous. But it must be! Some guy in Canada (yay Canada!) made a suit using carbon nanotubes under the fabric to make the suit bulletproof! It can stop bullets and knife blades.

What is going on at your office?! I’ve heard that business can be a “dog eat dog” world, but really, stop making paper clips into shivs! This is not civilized behavior!

I suppose this would be good if you’re a spy like James Bond.

If this IS an issue, why only suits? I understand women can also wear suits, but it seems like they should also have more female-oriented fashions. Unless women don’t shoot each other at work.

I DO know that Black Widow would probably wear something like this. Maybe some evening wear.

Luckily, I don’t have this problem at work. If I did, I would ask for a bulletproof cardigan and cargo pants.

Yes, I only wear clothes that begin with the letter C. C is for Cool. And I’m Cool like that.

It’s too bad bulletproof clothes can’t protect you from bad, alphabetical jokes.

Maybe I’ll become a comedian and ONLY do alphabetical jokes. It will be funny (no, it won’t) AND educational for toddlers!

OH! I just thought of something! Bulletproof mittens! So I can catch bullets! How awesome would that be!

I’m off to learn the alphabet.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the name was so easy...but no...

Mittens Romney! I know I talk about him all the time. Know why? HIS NAME IS MITTENS! That's why!

I STILL have no idea what he stands for politically. But you already know what I WANT him to stand for. KITTENS!

And I think that is why there is a "Dogs Against Romney" group. Yes, there really is a "Dogs Against Romney" group.

What amazes me is that they had the PERFECT name for this group and they didn't use it! It's like somebody just handed them the master sword and they pushed it away for the wooden one!

"Mutts Against Mitt!"

It's so simple! How could they have missed this?!

I guess dogs don't like catchy names. Or Mittens. Or kittens.

OH! Today is Ferris Wheel Day!

I don't know if dogs like ferris wheels. But if they don't, they SHOULD call themselves "Fidos Against Ferris Wheels." But they'll probably call themselves "Dogs Against Large Circular Things At Amusement Parks."

Because, you know, they don't like to make it easy.

I'm off to start a group against badly named groups.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

i like it when it glitters

Republican candidate Mittens Romney has been going around talking about stuff lately. Sadly, he is not talking about kittens. I truly think that should be his political stance. He should just talk about kittens at every rally!

"Hello, my name is Mittens. I like Kittens. Thank you."

"WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (that's the crowd reaction)

Well! Somebody went one step further to make his campaign even better! GLITTER!

Mittens was glitter bombed! How wonderful is that!

I like it when bombs glitter. Not like those blow uppy ones that hurt. Glitter bombs are much nicer. AND they go great with kittens and Mittens!

I think we could win every war EVER if we just glitter bomb people! Imagine the love!

Other country: "We are going to war you!"

Our country "Ok!"

POOOOOOM! GLITTER BOMB!

Other country: "We love you! And glitter! And kittens!"

Our country: "YAY!"

World problems? Solved.

I'm off to glitter my kitten and glitten my kitter.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

mittens, mittens everywhere

My faith in humanity has been restored!

I was driving to work with my mittens on. Then, the heat started working, so I took them off and put them on my lap.

THEN! I got to work, forget that they were on my lap and I guess they fell onto the ground.

When I got out of work, guess what I saw next to my car...

MY MITTENS!

Nobody stole them! How amazing is that?! I even had a car next to me. That person could have seen my mittens and just taken them and kept their hands warm forever.

But they didn't! Because they love me!

I'm sure they love you, too. I bet they wouldn't steal your mittens, either.

Mittens Romney probably gets mittens for free since that's his name.

Speaking of presidential names. Well, Mittens isn't president yet, but he's trying! Did you know the president of Nigeria has a fun name? It's Goodluck Jonathan!

I wish they would work together for a bill or law or something. Like, the "Goodluck Mittens Accord."

That would be the most ADORABLE accord ever! I LOVE IT! Maybe use a picture of a kitten on it!

Kittens wearing mittens are so cute. I'd say that's tied for 3rd on my "Most Cutest Things Ever" list.

I'm off to wear my mittens.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj