robot hunting

Police in Florida have created robot deer! See, there's a problem with people hunting out of season and this is their plan to solve it. The robots just sit there looking all deery and when a hunter (not following the hunting season laws) shoots it, the deer will transform into a police officer and arrest the hunter! (Transformation may not actually be true.)

The deer actually just sit there and cops jump out from trees and stuff to catch the hunters. Maybe the cops can transform into shrubbery.

Animals should really evolve into robots. I wonder why that hasn't happened yet? I mean, being a transforming robot is WAY better camouflage than being brown or having spots or having great hair.

Have you ever tried to hunt a brown animal in a forest of green trees? It's so easy!

Trust me, I should know. I was a robot hunter for years in the Andes. Don't worry, I only hunted evil robots during the appropriate evil robot hunting season.

But it was hard! These huge monster-bots could transform into adorable creatures like baby penguins and corgis!

Luckily, being the keen hunter that I am, I knew that corgis and baby penguins didn't hang out in the Andes. Inside sinister buildings. With mutant crocodiles and chainsaw fences. And hostages.

I was once tricked by a baby seal that could transform into a death trap. But that's the sort of risk I take. You don't accept this job thinking it will be a cakewalk.

Though, the ad DID say "Cakewalkers Needed." And with my years of experience as a cakewalker, I totally thought I was qualified.

Now I can walk on a cake and take out an evil chinchilla-bot from 5,000 meters on a Sunday afternoon with a 50% chance of rain.

I'm dangerous like that.

I'm off to transform into a deer.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

food in 3d

NASA is super cool. I love NASA. For 317 reasons. The latest reason is that they have given a grant to a company that wants to make food. IN 3D!

No special glasses required! And this isn’t post-production 3D like the movies! This is actual food in full-on three dimensions!

If I had to choose my dimensionally favorite food, it would have to be the 3 kind. It’s too hard pick up anything 2D. 4D is always tough to hold onto since it’s going through time. And 5D is just a mess until you say its name backwards! Kltpzyxm! (A Superman fan will find that funny! Everyone else is allowed to continue to think I am not funny.)

This NEW 3D food will be made with a printer. Kinda like a replicator in Star Trek! (Second Star Trek reference of the week! Score!) This 3D printer will have proteins, carbohydrates, and sugars instead of ink to make “edible food products!”

Instead of printing out a picture of a pen for your “Pictures of Pens” scrapbook, you can print out a pen made of proteins, carbohydrates, and sugars for you “Eatings of Pens” edible food products...book!

Edible food products are great. So much better than inedible food products.

Of course, I’m a huge fan of edible non-food products. Nothing is more fun than eating not-food!

Except maybe ninja robot penguins. They’re really fun, too.

I’m off to eat my food in the third dimension.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj