star gecko into darkness

Russia sent a satellite of geckos into space. They lost it for a few days, but it’s back. They did this to study the mating habits of geckos. In space. Because this is important research!

Here’s why this scares me. What if these geckos are mating in space and create new space geckos that can grow bigger than any gecko we’ve ever seen! Like, Godzilla sized!

Sound silly? These things happen! Just look at Godzilla!

There is a strong possibility that they will land on Earth and try to take over the planet with their sticky feet! They can climb up buildings and walls, so there is no way to keep them out!

They will demand that we make them our rulers using their adorable Australian accents. Then they’ll say, “15 minutes could save YOUR LIFE.”

Get it?! Because they’ll give us 15 minutes to submit to them. Geckos love to get things done in 15 minutes.

Also, who knows what happened when the satellite of love went missing! Do you know? I certainly don’t! It might have gone through a black hole that is connected to another dimension and a gecko baby was born there and evolved into a creature, let’s call it a Kaiju, that wants to get back to Earth and finds a way through a hole in the Pacific Ocean!

Then I’ll have to actually build my Jaeger (named Cafe Tortuga) to fight off these Kaiju who are only trying to come back home because we sent them into space to go on a date!

I’m sorry if this got a little scary. I didn’t mean to talk about giant geckos all day. But we live in scary times, so it’s better that you hear it from me than getting rumors from non-lizards on the street.

I’m off to save 15%. Or more.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

can plants eat people?

Russian scientists have found plant seeds from 30,000 years ago. That's right ICE AGE FLOWERS!

At first, you might think that's cool. You know, maybe as a gift for a loved one or something. You can't find extinct flowers everywhere. Because...you know...they're extinct.

These were frozen, then thawed, then planted, and the flowers are growing!

But what do we really know about the extinct Silene stenophylla? It grows in Siberia. Usually blooms in the summer. And that's it.

THAT'S IT!

No research has been done on the eating habits of this plant! What if it has a taste for meat? Did you think of that? And this Ice Age version of the plant might be HUGE! It could grow over 25 cm tall! At that size, it could eat a panda or something!

Is that what you want?! Panda-eating flowers?!

I've seen Jurassic Park. I've read a small portion of the book. I know what happens when you mess with frozen life. Theme parks shut down!

Is that what you want?! Disney World to shut down?!

It sounds like you do, Russian florists. If you loved Disney and panda bears, you would stop with this crazy floristian madness.

I have Masters Degree in Floristation and I'm pretty sure Russia doesn't. So I should know.

I'm off to Disney World with a panda.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj