star gecko into darkness

Russia sent a satellite of geckos into space. They lost it for a few days, but it’s back. They did this to study the mating habits of geckos. In space. Because this is important research!

Here’s why this scares me. What if these geckos are mating in space and create new space geckos that can grow bigger than any gecko we’ve ever seen! Like, Godzilla sized!

Sound silly? These things happen! Just look at Godzilla!

There is a strong possibility that they will land on Earth and try to take over the planet with their sticky feet! They can climb up buildings and walls, so there is no way to keep them out!

They will demand that we make them our rulers using their adorable Australian accents. Then they’ll say, “15 minutes could save YOUR LIFE.”

Get it?! Because they’ll give us 15 minutes to submit to them. Geckos love to get things done in 15 minutes.

Also, who knows what happened when the satellite of love went missing! Do you know? I certainly don’t! It might have gone through a black hole that is connected to another dimension and a gecko baby was born there and evolved into a creature, let’s call it a Kaiju, that wants to get back to Earth and finds a way through a hole in the Pacific Ocean!

Then I’ll have to actually build my Jaeger (named Cafe Tortuga) to fight off these Kaiju who are only trying to come back home because we sent them into space to go on a date!

I’m sorry if this got a little scary. I didn’t mean to talk about giant geckos all day. But we live in scary times, so it’s better that you hear it from me than getting rumors from non-lizards on the street.

I’m off to save 15%. Or more.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the universe on your plate

Franklin Chang Diaz has been to space. A lot. When he’s not in space, he’s thinking about cooking with items FROM space.

He teamed up with some chefs in Costa Rica to let you “Taste the Stars.”

I mean, theoretically, everything I eat is from space. Since the Earth is in space, I actually enjoy space-food all the time. I’m travelling in space RIGHT NOW! So are you!

Pretty, cool, right?!

Sadly, most of my food has been stuck on Earth for a while. Franklin knew that this bothered me, so he helped create a “meteorite jus.”

I don’t know fancy food words beyond “toast,” so I’ll explain. It’s a steak sauce. It’s made with a wine called “Meteorito,” which is a wine that is “steeped with a 4.5-million-year-old meteorite.”

There you have it! You are kinda-sorta eating a meteorite when you eat this steak sauce!

I would like them to somehow get an actual star into the meal. Like a star tartar. A Startar!

Or get some Supernachovas! Nachos that explode with flavor! And radiation!

These are things that I eat. Because I sometimes travel through space. And if I forget to pack a banana, I get hungry.

I’m off to the restaurant at the end of the universe.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

never go against a sicilian when space is on the line

Apparently Sicily has a space program. They sent a cannolo into space.

Let me start of by saying that “cannolo” is the singular version of the pastry-filled tube. “Cannoli” is the plural. I always thought "cannolis" was a real word. It is not.

Also, pastry-filled tube is not the sexiest description of one of nature’s most wonderful creations. But that’s kinda what it is.

Back to the topic! They sent a cannolo into space! Because that’s important! I did not know this, but I guess people seem to have “negative connotations” of the home of the cannoli. (Is that negative cannolotations?)

A few guys decided to give their Sicilian image a positive spin by creating a space program. For $485.45, they sent a cannolo into space. Filmed it. And told the world. Now people won’t make fun of Sicily anymore!

Seriously. This is what they thought would give them a better image. A helium balloon, a “Cannolo Transporter,” a camera, and a cannolo in space. A space pastry. A spastry.

Due to the unstable flakiness of a real pastry-filled tube, they had to create a model of a pastry-filled tube. Also, a model of a cherry-on-top was added for scientific accuracy.

I can see the brochures now. “Come to Sicily! The organized crime isn’t what you should worry about! Worry about pastry-filled tubes falling on your head! We have so many pastry-filled tubes that we just send them into space for funsies! They’re literally out-of-this-world! With a cherry-on-top!”

Now that I think about it…that’s actually really awesome! I want to go there! I just sold myself on the trip!

I should really go into marketing. I’m, like, a genius-filled tube.

Tube is a funny word.

I’m off to fill a tube with pastry. And maybe some gummy bears.

Enjoy everything.

-dj

more canadian currency

Canada has this annoying habit of being TOTALLY AWESOME ALL THE TIME.

A brief recap on why I love Canada. Amazing candy and fun money. And NOW they are making money even more funner!

Recently they made a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur quarter and Superman coins. I know what you’re thinking, “Five of my most favoritest things are dinosaurs, space, Superman, robots, and unicorns.”

Well, Canada is bringing more of your favorite things to you! Not just one, but TWO!

The new $5 note will have robots IN SPACE. They made robot arms for the International Space Station and they will be pictured on the bill.

The arms have names, too. One is Dextre (the Canadian spelling of Dexter), and the other is Canadarm2. It’s a clever mash-up of the words “Canada” and “arm.” And since Canadians have two arms, there is a 2.

These space robots are on the new $5 bill! Once they do a unicorn bill, I WILL move to Canada and spend lots of money!

It will be so much fun!

Clerk: “That awesome candy will cost one space robot, a Superman, and a dinosaur.”

Me: “Can you break a unicorn?”

Clerk: “Is a maple syrup?!”

Me: “I have no idea what that means, but I’m gonna say yes!”

Oh, and if trains are on your list of favorite things, you’ll be happy to know that the $10 bill has a train on it. I’m not a huge train person, but I do know a meteorologist and a chemical engineer who are BOTH railfans. So they may also enjoy Canada.

I’m off to syrup my maple.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

cats in space

Iran wants to put a kitty in space! Because Iran wants to have the cutest space program ever!

Just imagine kitties in space suits. Are you imagining it? The cuteness is overwhelming, isn’t it?!

Apparently, Iran has been sending animals into space for the past few years. They did a mouse, a turtle, and some worms. I’m not sure if it was at the same time, but I really hope it was. That’s just a children’s book WAITING to happen!

Why isn’t Iran putting video of all this stuff on YouTube? Or getting Pixar to make movies? I mean, seriously, cute animals in space? It practically writes itself!

The latest trip (Space Animals 2) is coming soon and it’s going to be a cat, a mouse, or a rabbit going into space. I have no idea how they decide this, but if it’s anything like the movies, showing the three of them training for a space mission would be awesome!

It would be like Bucky O’Hare, Nyan Cat, and Mickey Mouse all competing to be the next animal in space.

Obviously Bucky would win. Because he’s funky AND fresh. Also, he goes where no other rabbit would dare. Plus, he has a laser gun.

I would totally watch a cartoon about space-kitties purring and fighting yarn and stuff. Or not even a cartoon! Just put a bunch of kitties in space and film it! Like, “Real Kitties of the Milky Way!”

I would watch that all the time, Iran! That’s what you need to do! That will get you funding for the next trip with cute and cuddly animals!

OH! Then you could do the next Puppy Bowl in space! Just a bunch of floating puppies.

People would completely forget about that weird football game. Trust me. I’m a TV executive every third Wednesday.

I’m off to be cute. In space.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

look to krypton

Um...if you have a green rock that fell from space what's the first thing that comes to mind? Krypton, right? Am I the only one thinking this?!

A green rock landed in Morocco last year. They call it NWA 7325. I'm not kidding. I guess the scientists were straight outta Compton. (Though Kryptonians Wit Attitudes might be straight outta Kandor.)

I don't know why I didn't hear about this before, but I just found an article telling me that it came from Mercury.  Mercury?! Really?! You're going to tell me that a GREEN ROCK, that came FROM ANOTHER PLANET, is from Mercury?!

And get this, for a few minutes, they thought it could be from Mars! Then they studied it and found that it didn't have all the aspects of a meteorite from Mars.

But "Meteorites From Mars" would be a great name for a band.

So they decided that it's probably from Mercury. Because, yeah, that totally makes sense. Since it has low magnetic intensity and is low on iron.

Firstly, NWA should get more iron. Because you can't give blood if your iron is low. Spinach helps.

Secondly, green rocks from space are ALWAYS from Krypton! Because it blew up! If these "scientists" wanted to find out where it was from, they should have just called Superman. If he started getting weaker, we would have our answer.

Also, Krypton has a low magnetic intensity AND Superman is always having problems giving blood. I'm pretty sure it's because of low iron. So I just kinda proved that it's Kryptonite.

I'm like a scientist. In Compton.

I'm off to express myself.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

use the force to petition

Did you know that you can make a petition for ANYTHING?! Seriously! The government just lets you post it online and if you get 25,000 signatures, they have to respond to you!

Is it just me, or is this a great waste of the government's time? I mean, there have to be THOUSANDS of ridiculous petitions on there. And with people able to share things to millions of other people instantly, you can probably get 25,000 signatures before lunch time.

YES! Lunch time! Maybe not my lunch time because I eat lunch early. But normal people lunch. Like, 12pm EST. I generally eat lunch around 12pm EDT. No...wait...reverse that...I think.

I eat lunch early because I wake up early. Yeah. That's a simpler way to put it.

One person petitioned the government to make a Death Star. Just like the one from Star Wars. It got over 35,000 signatures. Therefore, we have to build one.

No...wait...I have that wrong. That means they have to RESPOND to it! And I encourage you to find the response because it's amazing. It's from Paul Shawcross. The (get ready, it's a long title) Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget.

Turns out it would cost $850 quadrillion. YEP! Quadrillion!

According to Paul, we have "a President who knows his way around a light saber." I mean, I saw pictures of Obama wielding a light saber, but I thought they were fake! Now I know they are real! And since he was riding a unicorn in one of those pictures, I also now know that unicorns are real and the President has a whole stable of them!

Sadly, there will be no Death Star. Paul says that we already have an International Space Station. Which doesn't blow up planets, but does allow us to float. Eh...I guess that's pretty cool.

I'm off to write a few (hundred) petitions.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

retraction and a toothbrush

Um...so...I maybe got a little too excited about Voyager 1 yesterday. Well...the press release got a little too excited and I may have possibly by chance encouraged that excitement with many exclamation points.

Sooooooo...Voyager 1 IS really far away from us. Like, 11 billion miles away. That part hasn't changed. BUT! It's not really escaping the plasma bubble that surrounds our solar system. It looks like that could take another 15 years. So yeah...

What ISS cool?! Astronauts on the International Space Station (Get the ISS joke now at the beginning of this paragraph? Funny, right?) were able to install a "critical power-switching box" with the help of a toothbrush! YES! ALWAYS travel with a toothbrush! There were some metal shavings in the socket and they just brushed them out. Now the socket has no cavities.

How's that for awesome space news! And I'm pretty almost sure that it won't be retracted!

OH! Speaking of retraction...sorta. My body kinda retracted some cereal. I was eating cereal and choked on a flake. (I don't know WHY air and food has the same entry. It's very troublesome.) Somehow, this flake went up my nose! So I had to blow my nose to get the flake pieces out!!!

SO GROSS!

I couldn't stop laughing! It was epic!

Now THAT will not be retracted. Though, some people might wish it wasn't even tracted in the first place.

I'm off to tract and retract myself.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

pop the giant plasma bubble

Voyager 1 is gonna pop the bubble! That's right! It's getting ready to break through the giant plasma bubble that is the edge of our solar system.

WHAT?! YES! After 35 years of just floating away from Earth, this thing is going farther than any object we threw into space!

I know. There's a lot of space stuff going on this week. But don't blame me! Blame the awesomeness of NASA! It's their fault that so much cool stuff is happening!

How amazing is it that something is still sending us information from over 11 BILLION miles away! It takes 17 hours for info from Voyager 1 to even get to us!

That's like texting somebody a question and then not getting an answer for 34 hours!

Voyager 1: LOL. Plasma bubble tickles. U shud visit. j/k srsly, tho, could u send some music? I'm boreddddd.

17 hours pass...

Earth: gr8 to hear from u V1! U R funny. U R a machine. U don't get bored. thx 4 all the sweet space info!

17 hours pass...

Voyager 1: forgot to mention...radiation changed me. now sentient. ur refusal to help will result in a death ray.

17 hours pass...

Earth: LOL!

17 hours pass

Voyager 1: not a j/k. u have 17 hours until my death ray hits you.

That was 3 hours ago. We still have 14 hours left!

I'm off to send an ipod to Voyager 1.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

space is so sweet

I love space. I love sugar. I LOVE SPACE SUGAR!

There is sugar in space! How did I not hear about this before?! I mean, seriously, what would be better than space sugar?!

Imagine putting sugar FROM SPACE in your coffee! It would taste like SPACE COFFEE!

Or maybe getting it in your cookies for SPACE COOKIES!

Sweet tea? TRY SPACE TEA!

That's not awesome enough for you? How about adding this fruit to your info salad! The sugar (IN SPACE) is swirling around a star. A sun-like star. This means the sugar could start the building blocks FOR LIFE!

A whole planet MADE OF SUGAR! Walk up to a tree. Try eating it. Not easy, right? How about a TREE MADE FROM SPACE SUGAR!

Let us recap. Space. Sugar. Everything tastes sweet.

Goals in life: Speed up creation of sugar planet. Build space rocket. Drink space coffee. Eat space cookie. (Repeat cookie goal regularly.) Move to sugar planet. Live awesome life of sugar and spaceness.

I think it's going to be a good day.

I'm off to sweeten the space.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

sail away, sail away, sail away

Some people believe the world is going to end soon. BUT! They have figured out how to be saved!

Pretty sweet, right? And they're just telling us how we can be saved too! Pic de Bugarach is an "upside down" mountain. It's pretty cool, actually. It's in France. So it's French.

This mountain is kinda sweet because, geologically speaking, it is upside down! Newer rocks are on the bottom. "Scientists" say that when the mountain erupted, the peak shot up into the air and flipped over and landed back inside itself.

Like a mountain pancake.

The rest of us know that aliens picked up the mountain and flipped it over so they would have a good place to land their large space boats.

You know what I love about space boats? Their music. They listen to a lot of Enya. They have the Orinoco Flow. That's a space sailor term meaning "we're a totally awesome boat that won't hit anything like icebergs."

I also love origami on Tuesdays.

“Origami On Tuesdays” is a good name for a band.

So is “Mountain Pancake.”

I would like a mountain of pancakes. Covered with peanut butter. And chocolate. And syrup. And strawberry Quick. The powder kind, not the goo. It's more fun to eat it that way.

I hope they serve that on my space boat cruise.

I'm off to book a space ticket.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj