honey laundering

As much as I wish I thought of that term, I did not. But it IS real!

I love honey. I may have said that before, but I would like to say it again. I LOVE HONEY! I use it for pretty much everything in my life. EVERYTHING.

Okay, I have never used honey to do my laundry, but that's not what this article is about. Now that I think about it, though, I feel like adding honey to the washing machine might be a great idea. Kids, try that at home. Let me know what happens. Don't tell your parents who told you to do it. Pretend it was totally your idea. Because you're super smart.

Turns out honey is big business. Big enough to have "counterfeit" honey come into the country! YES! Some unsavory companies have been selling honey that is not actually honey at all! Just corn syrup and sugar!

Now, I would never complain about chugging a jug (a jug chug) of corn syrup and sugar, but not when I want pure, unadulterated honey!

Luckily, astronomy has found a way to save you from funny honey. A laser isotope ratio-meter can analyze your honey to tell you exactly where it came from! Right down to the longitude and latitude of the flower petals!

What? You don't have a laser isotope ratio-meter? Why not?! Don't you search for methane gas on Mars a few times a week?

You should be! It's fun! I do it almost every day! While sipping a jug of honey!

I'm like Neil deGrasse Tyson. If Neil deGrasse Tyson were Winnie the Pooh.

Can we actually make that happen for a children's book series? That would combine my two idols and my love of honey. Thanks.

I'm off to Hayden Planetarium at Pooh Corner.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

takes a washin

I totally washed my headphones. ALMOST put them in the dryer, too! Well...I DID put them in, but I remembered them right after I started it.

I have those little in-ear headphones. I actually had a pair for many years, but they were dying. I could tell they were dying because something inside the headphones was rattling. Even when I wasn't listening to Rattle Jazz. Which is great to listen to, but not when you're listening to Bach.

I know, the headphones were baroque, so they're perfect for Bach! Ha! (Classical music fans will love that one.)

So I bought a pair of really cheap headphones to replace the rattle ones. They sound great! No rattle!

I listen to music on my phone because I'm hip like that. When I'm using my phone as a phone, I don't need the headphones. I take them off and put them in the pocket of my gym hoodie.

This is my hoodie for gym time only because it gets all sweaty and will be washed more often than the ungym hoodie.

Guess what! Forget the headphones were in the pocket! Washed the hoodie. THEN put it in the dryer. As I was walking out of the Laundromat, I had an epiphany.

It was amazing. I realized how we could utilize wormholes for interstellar travel.

As soon I figured that out, I thought about listening to music during these interstellar travels. Then I realized that my shiny, new headphones were currently getting dried in a machine that's probably not supposed to be drying headphones.

I ran in and pulled them out. I forgot how to find wormholes, but after hanging my headphones on my clothes rack for a night, they still work.

Now I only hear rattles when babies do their avant-garde jazz. Which, if you ever want to hear somebody scat without abandon, listen to baby jazz.

I'm off to scootily bop bop.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj