great deals in emails

I get a LOT of spam. The email, not the meatish stuff. Most of them are generic spammy things. But there are some I don’t quite understand.

Like keychains. I regularly get emails with the headline “Cheap Keychains!”

Really?! That’s what you’re going to sell me? Is there a huge market for keychains I don't know about?

Do you often think, “I wish I could order tons of keychains at a low price! I have so many keys! Each key DESERVES its own personal chain! Because keys always get jealous!”

If you do often think that, I have a spam folder full of emails just for you!

Also, I get a lot of emails trying to sell me ladies' watches. I’m not sure if I should be offended. I do have petite wrists, but I wouldn’t call them feminine.

They’re actually, in my opinion, the manliest wrists I’ve ever seen. They can life my hands without any effort.

Also, I can use a slap bracelet, like, 10 times before it hurts. That’s pretty manly!

Who needs a watch, anyway? Isn’t that what my phone is for? People haven’t worn watches since the fall of Rome! I think they found one on Romulus Augustulus! And we all know how good THAT worked out for him!

Odoacer: “Hey Romulus! What time is it?”

Romulus: “Looks like it’s 2:40.”

Odoacer: “WRONG! It’s time for Rome to fall! Loser!”

Romulus: “I don’t know. My watch still says 2:40.”

Odoacer: “And people wonder why Rome is falling.”

My old Latin teacher will find that hilarious. Or maybe not. I don’t think he ever found my humor funny. At least, my grades weren’t funny. (I didn’t do well in the Latins.)

I’m off to semper ubi sub ubi. (That’s all I remember from Latin.)

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

hug my waist

Well, now I HAVE to talk about my belts!

I need new belts. The old ones are falling apart. I found a few that are totally (purple) awesome. And who wants a belt UNLESS it is totally awesome?!

Belts can be hard for me. Because I always put them on upside down.

I'm generally right-handed. But for some reason, I loop my belts like a lefty. And when the belt has images or writing on it (as all totally rad belts should), they look upside down!

I also put my watch on the wrong arm. Well, I used to. When I wore a watch. Do they even make watches these days? But, yeah, I had to use my left hand to put my watch on my right wrist.

Oh, hockey, too. I was a lefty in hockey. I know, weird. Why would I play hockey?

Luckily, my perception of the world is totally wrong! Possibly due to an astigmatism. I don't know. When I put my belts on upside down, I'm pretty sure I'm seeing them right side up, but in the other direction.

When I wore a watch, I'm think I looked at the correct wrist for the time. Though, time is pretty relative, so whether I looked at the right wrist or the wrong wrist depends on whether you were moving forwards or backwards in time.

Which, as stated earlier this week, I do both.

Hockey...THAT is a mystery I may never solve. I was the goalie most of the time. Mostly because I was lazy and didn't want to move. Partly because the coach couldn't deal with me talking about watches and belts and wanted me as far away from him as possible.

Still, I was the best and most differently perceived goalie EVER.

I'm off to hold my pants up.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj