pets from mars

I'm not shy about my mars-rover-crush on Curiosity. It's pretty awesome.

Besides being a crazy-awesome adventurer, Curiosity now has a pet! A pet rock named Jake! How cool is that?!

What? You don't think that's cool? Okay. I've got a few minutes to kill. You go call all your friends and tell me how many of them have a pet on mars. Seriously. Go call. I'll wait.

...

So...anybody? Anybody at all? NOBODY! That's right! You don't know anybody with a pet on Mars!

That's what makes Jake so cool! Instead of playing catch, Curiosity will play "elemental composition" with Jake. It's a fun game involving a spectrometer. And instead of petting, there will be "laser-zapping."

Don't worry, Jake LOVES laser-zapping. It's, like, his second favorite thing. Right after being a rock. ON MARS.

I once had a pet twig on Neptune, but he went to a twig farm. That's what my parents told me. We used to play all sorts of games. House, hide & seek, tea chat, Stratego, Boggle. The usual. Then one day I guess he felt the need for more space. So he went to a twig farm.

I guess I was smothering him. I don't know. I would have given him more space if he needed it. Maybe I should go to a farm. I need some space from you, twig. I NEED MY SPACE TOO, YOU KNOW!

Ahem...sorry...still a little sensitive.

I'm off to adopt a rock.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

cat killed the curiosity

Well, if it was the Curiosity nuclear weapon/car that is currently on Mars, I think Curiosity would win.

Or would it???

Turns out cats are stone-cold killers. You think they're all sweet and cuddly and fuzzibly, but they are not. Every time you let these monsters out of your house, they go into what experts call "Berserker Kill Everything Mode."

They put little cameras on the cats to see what they do all day. They kill stuff! They bring home maybe a quarter of their kills. A quarter!

The American Bird Conservancy (or ABC) says that cats are to blame for 3, count'em, THREE, species of bird losing their numbers rapidly!

They're also to blame for a 63% increase in bird therapy!

Not only that, these cats engage in very risky behavior! They cross the road without looking. They eat and drink whatever they find on the ground! Go to the bathroom in public! Put graffiti everywhere!

These hoodlums need to be controlled!

That's why I'm adding an Emergency Kitty Task Force to all public safety budgets. They will be trained in the ways of the cat and be able to subdue any and all feline delinquents.

So far I'm the only one on this Task Force, but I can see our numbers doubling soon.

It's time we took back our streets! And our birds!

I'm off to go on patrol.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

curiosity kills with lasers

Curiosity landed on Mars!

This thing is EPIC! It's, like, a nuclear car. Driving around. ON MARS!

Curiosity will look around Mars to see if we can ever open a Starbucks there. Then maybe get people there, too. Starbucks first, though. That would be good.

Just in case any Martians say, "You can't have a Starbucks here!" Curiosity has a laser.

NASA "says" that this laser is there to shoot rocks. But we all know the truth. I saw John Carter (no I didn't), I know what's going on with Mars (no I don't).

I'm kidding, of course. I would never condone killing an alien species because they wouldn't let us build a Starbucks (yes I would). I'm sure the laser is only there for self-defense.

OH! Like if Saturn people try to invade! They're jerks! They think they own the universe and use their mind-beams to hit people and stuff!

I don't like them. I hope they do come to Mars and get all lasered. They deserve it. Especially after they called me names. Like "creature of mostly water" and "two-legged walker" and "doofus face."

Stinky Saturners. I'll go sat on their urn. (Ha! Good one, me.)

Maybe some day we'll have nuclear cars for Earth, too. That would be cool. Then we could explore Earth!

Who knows what we'd find there! I should let NASA know about this idea.

I'm off to Starbucks.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj