viva la wrinkle resistance

NOT that it's any of your business, but I was shopping for underwear the other day. (You ARE getting personal, aren't you?) In the underwear section, I found "wrinkle-resistant" boxers.

Trust me, I'm a HUGE fan of any clothing that will resist a wrinkle. It's amazing! I don't know what magical spell they put on the clothes, but it's SUPER helpful.

Ironing is hot and dangerous. And it NEVER comes out right. Because of the sleeves! That's the worst! If you accidentally iron a wrinkle INTO the shirt? It's there FOREVER.

I can honestly say that I've never ironed my underwear. Like, ever. I guess I never found the need. I mean...nobody sees it, right?

Well, some people might see a little. I wear my pants kinda baggy, so the underwear peeks out the top. Not because I think it's cool. It's just way more comfortable that way. And because I can't afford a belt.

So are people looking at my undies saying, "Oh My Gosh! Do you see the wrinkles on those underwears? I bet he never irons them. Probably doesn't iron his socks either. How can somebody leave the house looking so unsmooth?!"

How long can an ironed pair of underwear actually stay smooth? Don't you sit down? You HAVE to sit at least ONCE in a day, right? Isn't that going to wrinkle them?!

I just don't get it! Nor do I see the need. I'm not going to walk around in my undies at a fancy party.

Unless it's a fancy underwear party. Then I guess it's important. If there is one, I'm ready. Because I bought the undies. What can I say? I love a lack of wrinkles!

I'm off to iron my undies.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

feeling socksy

I get cold feet a lot. I also have a problem with shoes feeling "just right" when I wear them. I think I may have figured out a solution to both problems.

Double the socks!

Oh yeah! This is how you work it! Two pairs of socks adds warmth AND cushioning! That's the kind of thing that I can get behind! And even stand upon!

I know it's a little weird. I don't know how many people do this. It could be very common. So far, I've been very happy with the results.

The ONLY problem is that I might have double the sock-laundry. But socks are small and don't take up too much room in the washing machine.

If I start going TRIPLE sock, THEN we may need to start using an extra machine. And another quarter in the dryer.

Wait...there might be another problem.

Summer.

Will my feet be too hot in the summer? Will I get so used to this amazing squishy feeling of cotton on cotton that I don't ever want it to stop?!

I suppose I could cross that bridge when there is, in fact, a bridge to cross.

Bridges are pretty cool. The way they raise you up. I think I would like to build a small bridge in my apartment. Then I could have a river.

Walking across the bridge would feel great because of all that cotton on my foot-bottom!

It will also feel great because I'm magically walking on/over water. I'm floaty like that.

I'm off to get four socks.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

magic eye magic car

Do you remember the magic eye posters? Find the 3-D image in the weird picture? They still make them. They actually have a Harry Potter Magic Eye Book! Which makes total sense because Harry Potter is magic!

I was driving home and thinking that maybe it would be cool to have a big bumper sticker on my car that was a magic eye image. It would say "PLEASE STOP" or something. I say that because, if somebody was getting sleepy behind the wheel and their eyes weren't focused, they would see the "STOP" message and stop their car instead of hitting me!

Good idea, right?!

Then I thought, how cool would it be to have my whole car be a 3-D image of something! Like a whale or boat or another kind of car!

Then people would see my car in 3-D! And it would look like a whale was driving down the street with them!

Wouldn't that just knock your socks off and take those knocked off socks to a batting cage and hit 50 home runs while doing push-ups and drinking fire and glass shards?!

Yep. It would do that.

So next time you're driving down the street and you can't focus your eyes, watch out for a 3-D whale.

And also watch out for my car. It'll say "PLEASE STOP." In 3-D. So if you hit me, you have no excuse. The warning was right there IN YOUR FACE.

I'm off to the third dimension.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

let's talk about socks

I was at the store the other day buying socks. YES! SOCKS! I have an issue with socks. It's a love/hate relationship. I don't want to talk about it.

I will say that I want to be a sock model. Like those guys on the sock bags. That's awesome! All I have to do is smile and wear socks!

Then, some guy would see me and say, "Hey...you're the ankle-length sock guy!"

I would lift up my pant leg and say, "My nicely covered ankles agree with you!"

Then we would high-five in slow motion. And ankle-five even slower. Not for dramatic effect, but hitting ankles kinda hurts and we want to be gentle.

As I was staring at socks, imaging my glamorous life as a sock model, I heard some kids crying. That's normal. Because until you get a credit card, you can't buy everything you want at the store and that stinks. It's up to the parents to decide. And parents are WAY too responsible.

These kids wanted something bad, but they weren't getting it. Mom knew what to do, though. She said, "If you don't stop fussing, I will call the manager of the store and they will put you in a time-out!"

WOW! Can you actually do that?! Will store managers really put kids in a time-out? Is there a time-out section in every store? Built into the break room or something?

I plan on testing this out. I will get very fussy while looking at socks (which happens anyway) and see if I get put in a time-out by the manager.

I'll report back to you with my findings.

And my socks.

I'm off to cause a sock scene.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

not just may day anymore

Everybody knows it's May Day, but it is ALSO Lei Day!

In Hawaii they make sure to get their lei on. There is even a song from 1927 called "May Day is Lei Day in Hawaii."

It's true! Jason Mraz even sings it! That must mean it's historical!

It is also Save The Rhino Day. A day when we praise the rhinoceros for all its knee-less goodness.

I know it's fun to celebrate all sorts of different days, but I REALLY think we should combine these two!

You put a lei on a rhinoceros and what do you get? A happy rhino that won't run into you and horn you into next week.

Which would be bad because next week is NOT Lei Day OR Rhino Day. If you get horned into next week, you'll just be celebrating No Socks Day.

And the LAST thing you want is to be riding a rhino without any socks on. It's terribly uncomfortable. For you and the rhino.

I think I'm writing about a lot of "Days" these days. It might be because I have nothing else to write about (probably), but it also might have to do with the "What Every Day Is" calendar that I got for Buy Somebody A Calendar Day last month.

Either way, it's all you got.

I'm off to check my calendar.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj