tastes just like real water

I bought a bottle of water the other day. Don’t worry! I generally fill my metal water bottle up at home instead of using plastic bottles all the time. And I recycle, too.

But, if I DO buy the plastic bottles of water, I’m a Fiji guy. TOTALLY Fiji! It’s SO GOOD. I can’t explain it.

I was at facility that did not allow me to purchase Fiji water. I bought another brand. I will not say what kind, but I WILL tell you exactly what the bottle says.

“Enhanced with minerals for a pure, fresh taste.”

So the water wasn’t pure enough? It needed added "pure" flavoring? Shouldn’t water just taste like…um…water? And pure?

Though, I’m one to talk. My water always tastes like coffee. Mostly because I add coffee beans to my water. Partly because I never clean my coffee mug and even if I just fill it with water, it tastes like coffee.

I don’t think we use our sense of taste enough. We always use hearing to have conversations. Vision to see where we are going. Touch to hold things or find out if they are hot. Smell to check our armpits.

Shouldn’t we try tasting to do some of these things? You could lick your friends face to find out who it is! Or lick a bird to identify its birdie calls! Lick the stove to find out if it is hot! Even lick your armpits to check for freshness!

Editor’s Note: All of these are bad ideas and you should not do them. Some of them might actually cause pain or disease. Others are just dumb.

Writer’s Note: My editor is not adventurous at all.

In other news, I drank so much coffee today that I don’t know if any of my senses will work. So drinking water that only tastes like water will probably have the same effect as water that actually tastes like water.

I think I got that right. It might be the coffee talking, but I’m pretty sure I can identify water by licking it.

I’m off to check my armpits.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

dunk your cookies

Do you eat cookies in milk?! COLD MILK?! What are you doing! How could you do that to that poor cookie?!

PUT THE COOKIE DOWN. I'm here to make your cookie experience better.

Well, not me, but Heston Blumenthal. He found that many people said cookies dipped in a hot beverage tasted better and he wanted to figure out why. So, he stuck this MS-Nose tube UP his nose to test it out. Really. That's what he did.

It measures the flavors going to your mouth from the aroma of what you are eating. He tried it with cookies and found out that when you dunk the cookie in a warm beverage, the methylbutanol levels went through the roof!

I guess methylbutanol is what makes cookies taste so cookie-y.

I don't know why, but I always trust a guy with a tube in his nose!

So next time you’re eating cookies, take a moment and heat up your beverage. Milk is good. He's British, so he uses tea. I have never done that, but might be worth a try! Hot chocolate is good too. I like cookies dipped in coffee! THAT is the best!

If you are not doing that, you are only hurting yourself and the cookie will not respect you. Ever.

Cookie Monster might drive by your house and give you nasty looks. (He really won't, he's too nice.)

I'll also dunk muffins and pie in my coffee. Just in case you were curious. Wanna know what happens to my methylbutanol levels when I do that? Look at the size of the universe. Then look bigger. THAT is what happens.

I'm off to dip my cookies and roll down your street with Cookie Monster. Don't make us give you the stink-eye.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

taste a lot of stuff

My grapes come in a bag. The bag says "Taste the sunshine flavor!"

And you know what?! They DO taste like sunshine! I have no reference point for the actual taste of sunshine, but I trust plastic bags. Has a plastic bag ever lied to you? No.

I enjoy tastes of things. Like rainbows. Skittles found out what a rainbow tastes like and put it into a chewy droplet that I love.

Wanna know what I do now? Are you sure you can handle it? I fill a bowl with grapes and Skittles! Now I eat sunshine and rainbows for breakfast, lunch, dinner AND brunch!

Yes! You read that correctly! Sunshine and rainbows!

You: "What are you eating?"

Me: "SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS!"

You: "Are you sure? It looks like a bowl of grapes...with...are those Skittles in there?"

Me: "SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS!"

You: "You're beginning to scare me."

Me: "And you are beginning to kill my sunshine and rainbow buzz!"

You: "Sorry...I'll leave."

Me: "SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS!"

So that was my day so far. I hope you're just as sunshiny and rainbowy. Bowey? Bowie? You get the point.

I'm off to dance in the street.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj