Iran wants to put a kitty in space! Because Iran wants to have the cutest space program ever!
Just imagine kitties in space suits. Are you imagining it? The cuteness is overwhelming, isn’t it?!
Apparently, Iran has been sending animals into space for the past few years. They did a mouse, a turtle, and some worms. I’m not sure if it was at the same time, but I really hope it was. That’s just a children’s book WAITING to happen!
Why isn’t Iran putting video of all this stuff on YouTube? Or getting Pixar to make movies? I mean, seriously, cute animals in space? It practically writes itself!
The latest trip (Space Animals 2) is coming soon and it’s going to be a cat, a mouse, or a rabbit going into space. I have no idea how they decide this, but if it’s anything like the movies, showing the three of them training for a space mission would be awesome!
It would be like Bucky O’Hare, Nyan Cat, and Mickey Mouse all competing to be the next animal in space.
Obviously Bucky would win. Because he’s funky AND fresh. Also, he goes where no other rabbit would dare. Plus, he has a laser gun.
I would totally watch a cartoon about space-kitties purring and fighting yarn and stuff. Or not even a cartoon! Just put a bunch of kitties in space and film it! Like, “Real Kitties of the Milky Way!”
I would watch that all the time, Iran! That’s what you need to do! That will get you funding for the next trip with cute and cuddly animals!
OH! Then you could do the next Puppy Bowl in space! Just a bunch of floating puppies.
People would completely forget about that weird football game. Trust me. I’m a TV executive every third Wednesday.
I’m off to be cute. In space.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label turtle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label turtle. Show all posts
Monday, September 23, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
what would you like for weather
The CIA wants to control your weather! For some reason, the CIA is giving money to the National Academy of Sciences to work on Geoengineering.
They want to find ways to get rid of all the CO2 that’s causing all those climate change problems.
They can also make it rain if they want. Because that’s fun to do as a prank.
I have NO idea why the CIA is funding this. Do greenhouse gases prevent them from gathering intelligence? Perhaps it’s harder to spy on people when it is so hot and humid?
I don’t know much about the CIA, but I would NOT expect them to have a “Who we are” section on the “Clandestine Service” page of their website. I mean, should you really be introducing the world to the secret spies?! Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd that our secret intelligence agencies have websites?!
I wonder how many people go to the CIA website every day? As an American citizen, I would probably never go there. If I was not so wholesome and I wanted to learn about the CIA, luckily they have a very good website to teach me about their secrets with a very informative "Frequently Asked Questions" section.
The BEST part is the “Games” section! I solved that puzzle in 21 seconds! I think the CIA will now hire me to be a secret agent!
Then they can put me on their not-so-secret/secret-agency website! Perhaps I can convince them to update the cheesy “Welcome to our company” video! (Yes, it’s on there. And I’m proud to say I love it. Viva America!)
So why is the CIA helping with geoengineering? I have no answer to that. Maybe it’ll be funny to make it rain on people trying to plot against us?
Bad person: “We will plot evil things using these plans I wrote out on all these pieces of paper and this computer.”
(Begins to rain a lot.)
Bad person: “Oh no! I can’t read my plans anymore and my computer is broken from too much water!”
America: “HA! Looks like Evil’s plans are ALL WET!”
In my head, America is a heroic turtle wearing a cape.
Just in case the CIA is reading my blog (because nobody else is), I do love what you do to help these United States. I’m just making jokes at your expense. My brother always told me that when you mock somebody, that means you love them. That’s how I know my brother loves me.
He never explained what beating me up meant.
I’m off to solve more puzzles for the CIA.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
They want to find ways to get rid of all the CO2 that’s causing all those climate change problems.
They can also make it rain if they want. Because that’s fun to do as a prank.
I have NO idea why the CIA is funding this. Do greenhouse gases prevent them from gathering intelligence? Perhaps it’s harder to spy on people when it is so hot and humid?
I don’t know much about the CIA, but I would NOT expect them to have a “Who we are” section on the “Clandestine Service” page of their website. I mean, should you really be introducing the world to the secret spies?! Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd that our secret intelligence agencies have websites?!
I wonder how many people go to the CIA website every day? As an American citizen, I would probably never go there. If I was not so wholesome and I wanted to learn about the CIA, luckily they have a very good website to teach me about their secrets with a very informative "Frequently Asked Questions" section.
The BEST part is the “Games” section! I solved that puzzle in 21 seconds! I think the CIA will now hire me to be a secret agent!
Then they can put me on their not-so-secret/secret-agency website! Perhaps I can convince them to update the cheesy “Welcome to our company” video! (Yes, it’s on there. And I’m proud to say I love it. Viva America!)
So why is the CIA helping with geoengineering? I have no answer to that. Maybe it’ll be funny to make it rain on people trying to plot against us?
Bad person: “We will plot evil things using these plans I wrote out on all these pieces of paper and this computer.”
(Begins to rain a lot.)
Bad person: “Oh no! I can’t read my plans anymore and my computer is broken from too much water!”
America: “HA! Looks like Evil’s plans are ALL WET!”
In my head, America is a heroic turtle wearing a cape.
Just in case the CIA is reading my blog (because nobody else is), I do love what you do to help these United States. I’m just making jokes at your expense. My brother always told me that when you mock somebody, that means you love them. That’s how I know my brother loves me.
He never explained what beating me up meant.
I’m off to solve more puzzles for the CIA.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
always make it bigger
If I've said it once, I've said it 3.141592653589793... times! If candy is good, BIGGER candy is better!
It's simple math. If Domingo has a Twix bar and Sunshine has a BIGGER Twix bar, how much more awesomer is Sunshine?
Answer: WAY MORE AWESOMER!
I bring this up because Williams-Sonoma has something amazing. I don't know who Williams-Sonoma is, but he or she must be some kind of Willy-Wonka-style wizard or witch who can make candy bigger.
There is a giant peanut butter cup on their website! It's, like, the size of a big pie! (get it? pie/pi? from earlier?) How cool is that?! It's two layers of chocolate cake with peanut butter in the middle of them. THEN it is covered with a chocolate shell!
Not hard like a turtle shell. Hard enough to hold in cake, but soft enough to eat.
And you can buy it!
The website SAYS that it serves 10. But I'm pretty sure that means 1. Or maybe, on a good day, 3.14 people.
I would love to have a giant DOT. Like, big enough for me to eat into and live inside. That would be cool.
I bet ants feel like that. Not bear ants, but regular ants.
I wish I could be an ant. Not a bear ant, a regular ant.
I'm off to make it bigger.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
It's simple math. If Domingo has a Twix bar and Sunshine has a BIGGER Twix bar, how much more awesomer is Sunshine?
Answer: WAY MORE AWESOMER!
I bring this up because Williams-Sonoma has something amazing. I don't know who Williams-Sonoma is, but he or she must be some kind of Willy-Wonka-style wizard or witch who can make candy bigger.
There is a giant peanut butter cup on their website! It's, like, the size of a big pie! (get it? pie/pi? from earlier?) How cool is that?! It's two layers of chocolate cake with peanut butter in the middle of them. THEN it is covered with a chocolate shell!
Not hard like a turtle shell. Hard enough to hold in cake, but soft enough to eat.
And you can buy it!
The website SAYS that it serves 10. But I'm pretty sure that means 1. Or maybe, on a good day, 3.14 people.
I would love to have a giant DOT. Like, big enough for me to eat into and live inside. That would be cool.
I bet ants feel like that. Not bear ants, but regular ants.
I wish I could be an ant. Not a bear ant, a regular ant.
I'm off to make it bigger.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
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