do not read this if you hate spiders

After years of research, bat studiers, or chiropterologists (I don't know if that's a real word) found out that bat-eating spiders are everywhere. Except Antarctica.

I honestly have NO idea why this was studied, but it's pretty scary to think about. Luckily, the spiders aren't bigger than the bats. They just catch them in their GIANT webs and eat them after.

Which is also pretty scary to think about, but not as scary as giant spiders.

And for some sadistic reason, the folks at LiveScience decided to add another piece of info to their article about bat-eating spiders. They said it's no big deal that spiders eat bats because there's a cave in Venezuela where giant centipedes kill and eat bats.

I'll give you two guesses where I will NOT be going on vacation. And I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with VENEZUELAN CAVES.

If you do have a family of pet bats, you should go to Antarctica. Bat-eating spiders aren't there. Possibly because bats don't live there.

Did you know that bats can't make Vitamin C? Luckily, vampire bats have an easy solution. They go for the Blood Orange. Full of blood AND Vitamin C! (Yay citrus!)

Unbat vampires might also have this solution, but I don't know any vampires.

I do know that all this week I talked about giant insects and stuff. Which is why I hope someday to form a team of X-Bugs with a magic butterfly, a mutated snail (with conveyor belt teeth) and a giant (friendly) centipede with a Venezuelan accent. Because ladies like that and when they make this idea into a movie, it will sell more tickets and I'll make more money to buy Blood Oranges.

I'm off to Antarctica.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the citrus experiment

I've been testing out citrus. I found that some citrus items have been showing up in the stores in very fun bags with cute cartoon citrus-people on them. When I see cute citrus, I buy!

If you sell something in a fun package, I'm pretty much guaranteed to get it. I'm easy like that.

Normally, I would avoid citrus. For two reasons:

One: It's expensive.

Other: It's really hard to peel.

Bananas are good. EASY to peel. Citrus-peel always sticks to the juicy fruit center! I never had an easy way to peel it off!

Until now! A very wise friend of mine told me to roll it. Put the fruit on a table, then put my hand on it and roll it around firmly. That separates the fruit from the skin a little and makes for an easier peeling. And it totally works!

Now I'm trying all sorts of fun citrus! I even found the Sunkist Citrus Wheel online to help me with my shopping. Seriously, you have no idea how excited I am now that I can peel my citrus!

I plan on taking a trip around the entire Citrus Wheel. It might take me long time, but I believe that I will be a better, if not Vitamin C-er, person at the end of it.

So far: Cara caras: check. Blood orange: check. (And extra fun because you can pretend to be an Orange Vampire. Hsssss.) Navel oranges: check. Clementines: check.

You better look out Dancy Tangerines, I'm comin' for you next. You could say you danced your last tango-rine in Paris. (You don't have to...but you could.)

I'm off to roll my citrus.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

everything I know about sports i learned from women

That's true. A few years ago I found out there is a football team called the Tennessee Titans. At first, I did not believe this to be true. She then showed me actual proof that they exist.

That is now my favorite football team. Mostly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. Partly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. And it's REALLY fun to say, "GO TITANS!" (that's their battle cry).

This past weekend, I found out that there is a college basketball team named after a fruit! Not just a fruit, but a fruit/color combination! The Syracuse Orange!

The mascot is, in fact, an orange! Sure, an orange has never grown in upstate New York, but that didn't stop Syracuse! They could have gone with a fighting dinosaur, which can grow in upstate New York, but they decided the orange was scarier.

And they were right. If you play "Rock, Paper, Scissor, Dinosaur, Orange," then you know that the only thing that beats orange is paper.

Luckily, there is no team called "The Papers" in NCAA basketball.

The Oranges regularly beat other teams with their Vitamin C-ness. C stands for "C? We will beat you and win when we play basketball!"

That's the original definition of Vitamin C. From dinosaur days. When dinosaurs roamed upstate New York. They wouldn't go any more souther than that for fear of a rogue orange rolling up from Florida.

Rogue Orange would be a cool band name.

I'm off to throw paper.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj