cheetah on the titans

If you read comic books, you’re probably shouting, “The Titans would never allow Cheetah onto their team! That’s just crazy talk!”

And you would be correct. Luckily, nobody reads comic books anymore. Except me.

If you’re normal, you might be thinking more about football and jungle kitties. And you would be correct!

There is an American football team called the Tennessee Titans. I know absolutely NOTHING about football. I only know that there is a team called the Titans. I love them because they are named after a comic book super hero team. That is all it took.

They have a really fast guy on the team. (Not The Flash. Unfortunately.) His name is Chris Johnson. He wants to race a cheetah.

Not Wonder Woman’s enemy. An actual cheetah from the jungle.

He’s going to do this on TV. Because he thinks he can win.

I LOVE that he’s going to do this, but I’m pretty sure he’ll lose. A cheetah’s top speed is 75 mph. That’s fast.

In THEORY. Again, THEORETICALLY, a human could MAYBE get to 40 mph. But the fastest recorded human running was about 28 mph.

That’s a big difference. Also, I don’t know if our Titan knows this, but cheetahs are carnivores, so…um…if he doesn’t run fast enough, he won’t be running much. Ever.

I will watch this because I always cheer The Titans on. Because it makes me feel like I know sports even though I’m really cheering for a comic book team.

If you ever hear me say, “Go Titans!” you’ll know why.

On a side note, I’ve decided that I’m the fastest land animal. I was just bitten by a radioactive cheetah. Because I couldn’t run faster than it. Luckily, it was radioactive and gave me speed powers. Also, it didn't eat me, just a bite. (There’s nothing dangerous about that situation.)

The Titans should hire me. The football team AND the super hero team. My name will be Super-Fast Cheetah Guy. That’s a good solid name.

I’m off to race a cheetah.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

everything I know about sports i learned from women

That's true. A few years ago I found out there is a football team called the Tennessee Titans. At first, I did not believe this to be true. She then showed me actual proof that they exist.

That is now my favorite football team. Mostly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. Partly because "The Titans" is a superhero team. And it's REALLY fun to say, "GO TITANS!" (that's their battle cry).

This past weekend, I found out that there is a college basketball team named after a fruit! Not just a fruit, but a fruit/color combination! The Syracuse Orange!

The mascot is, in fact, an orange! Sure, an orange has never grown in upstate New York, but that didn't stop Syracuse! They could have gone with a fighting dinosaur, which can grow in upstate New York, but they decided the orange was scarier.

And they were right. If you play "Rock, Paper, Scissor, Dinosaur, Orange," then you know that the only thing that beats orange is paper.

Luckily, there is no team called "The Papers" in NCAA basketball.

The Oranges regularly beat other teams with their Vitamin C-ness. C stands for "C? We will beat you and win when we play basketball!"

That's the original definition of Vitamin C. From dinosaur days. When dinosaurs roamed upstate New York. They wouldn't go any more souther than that for fear of a rogue orange rolling up from Florida.

Rogue Orange would be a cool band name.

I'm off to throw paper.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj