photon cupid

It’s the same old story. A single photon walks into a cloud of rubidium atoms on a cool night that’s only a few degrees above absolute zero. Another single photon walks into the same cloud. They bump into each other, fall in love, and leave together.

Wait! That’s not the same old story! It’s brand new because it’s never happened before! Photons never fell in love like this!

Usually photons aren’t interested in each other at all! They’re so self-absorbed that they just ignore each other. Science has been trying to figure out what song to play to get photons in the mood and bond as a single molecule. Turns out it’s Celine Dion…with rubidium atoms and freezing temperatures. But Celine helps.

So why all these (clever) jokes and (romantic) stories about photons? Because the scientists and researchers at MIT and Harvard say that this new matter is kinda like a lightsaber!

This means Star Wars is real and I am a Jedi Knight!

It really means that we could use this to make quantum computers. Which would be cool. Imagine your computer being better than Batman’s computer. THAT is why we want quantum computers.

Also, imagine a lightsaber.

My Halloween costume is going to be so good this year. You’ll be so jealous when you see me with a real lightsaber.

Unless you’re a Sith. Then you won’t be jealous, you’ll just be scared. Because I’m, like, an awesome Jedi. Better than awesome, even.

I’m off to get some photons and rubidium atoms in a cold room.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

on my world, it means hope

I guess that’s only on your world. I finally saw “Man of Steel” the other day. (Yeah, it takes me a while to finally get to the movies! I’m busy reading comics!)

So, was there any “hope” in this movie? Not really. Am I a movie critic? Nope! What I say here is just one comic book fan’s rant. Nothing special. Oh, and if you’re even lazier than I am going to the movies, there are spoilers. Also, this is really long and boring. (I just finished writing and realized that it’s REALLY, REALLY long! Like, too long to even bother reading, so go do something productive! Like, swim a marathon or play drums on your belly or something.)

I liked the movie. It was a good action movie. Not a good Superman movie. Superman is supposed to instill hope in us! This Superman did nothing like that!

I’ll start with the gooooooood stuff! The action was great! It was some of the best “super” fighting I’ve seen. Fast, but clear. Really well done. Almost as good as the end of “The Avengers,” but not as fun. Still, super cool! (Get it? Super? HA!)

The new Krypton origin was clever and totally worked. I liked it a lot. Also, all that stuff about the government not trusting an alien coming to Earth and the crazy amount of military in the movie made a lot of sense. So that was good. Especially Christopher Meloni doing what he does best. Being awesome.

Smallville? Not so awesome. Pa Kent keeps telling his son NOT to save lives! Don’t show your powers! Soooo...what could possibly inspire young Clark Kent to actually become Superman? Nothing. There is NO inspiration for him to be a hero! Way to be a buzzkill, Pa!

Like I said, the fighting was cool, but the amount of destruction was crazy! And, sure, Superman may have saved the planet, but Metropolis is gone. Literally gone. With maybe 4 people from the Daily Planet alive. Seriously. Superman made absolutely no effort to worry about humans. He actually only caught two people falling. Two.

Then, at the end, Zod is using his heat vision all over the place. Superman holds him back from killing a few people (finally, he’s saving somebody!) and to save the day, he snaps Zod’s neck.

No. Just…no. Superman doesn’t do that! I think they were trying to make it seem like he had no choice. Really?! Um…how about JUST TURNING HIS HEAD A LITTLE INSTEAD OF ALL THE WAY AROUND! Clearly that’s an option! Or making him look upward. OR STANDING UP AND FLOATING A FEW INCHES TO LET THE PEOPLE RUN AWAY! YOU CAN FLY!

Then, at the end, the military trusted Superman. But I can’t believe that the human race could possibly like him at all. Hope? Nope! (I just thought of that clever rhyme!)

So there. That’s my rant. This would have been a perfect alien invasion movie. I guess starring Will Smith or Keanu Reeves as a good super-powered alien who saves the day, but is kinda “meh” about destruction. Again, not a good Superman movie.

I never thought I’d say any Superman movie could be worse than “Returns.” But “Returns” is actually looking like a great movie now! Sure it had its flaws (boy howdy, did it have flaws!), but at least Superman was Superman!

I remember having many complaints about Batman not being very “Batman” in the recent trilogy, also. For some reason, almost every Marvel Comics movie keeps true to the character AND makes a great movie. DC Comics just can’t seem to do that.

But, people are still seeing the movies, so I guess that’s good. Whatever brings money to the company to keep making comic books! Go spend your money on “Man of Steel” movies and DVDs and Blu-rays and laserdiscs! I’ll keep buying the comics. (Sorry this is so long! I'm a little crazy. But, I warned you!)

I’m off to take a deep breath and find the real Superman. (Which I did by reading good Superman comic books all weekend!)

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

no sitting down on the job

I’ve read comic books for a long time. Probably 99.99999999999% of my life. I love them. From super heroes to crime noir, comic books are the bestest!

I like to think I know a few things about comics. I may have trouble remembering everything, but I know a good amount. Especially things that are “common knowledge.”

Like, Superman comes from Krypton. Spider-Man was bitten by a radioactive spider. Wolverine is the best there is at what he does. You know, random stuff like that.

Now, I love super hero comics. I really do. But I understand that they are from big companies and the editors have more say than the writers most of the time. Which is too bad. That would NEVER stop me from reading them, though!

One writer dealt with all the rewriting that he had to do and a scene where Batman sits next to somebody on the roof had to be changed last minute. He asked why and the editor said that Batman never sits down. Common knowledge!

WHAT?! How is that common knowledge?! He HAS to sit sometimes! He drives a car! And a plane! And a submersible!

I understand that Batman is generally jumping around beating up evil and stuff. He can still sit if he needs to! Everybody loves a good sit!

Luckily, the internet has responded by making a tumblr page with pictures of Batman sitting down.

So, please, don’t be afraid to have Batman sit. He can do more sitting down than I could do in...probably any position. And please, editors, I understand that shareholders are important, but I’m also pretty sure they’ll be fine if Batman rests his legs for a minute.

Or not. I don’t really know what happens in shareholder meetings. Maybe they all stand around and fight crime. When I say “stand,” I mean “sit.” When I say “fight crime,” I mean “make tons of money.”

I know this was a little too “comic booky” for the average person to care about. But sometimes I just need to rant a little. Publicly. For all the shareholders to see. Because shareholders are some of my biggest fans.

I’m off to sit down for a minute and hold a good share.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

the dance knight

I had a dream! That I remembered! I rarely remember dreams, but I'm SO glad I remembered this one!

It was about the next Batman movie. If it's anything like the dream I had, it's going to be awesome!

First, Batman was pregnant. I don't know how he got pregnant, but he's Batman and he can pretty much do anything.

Luckily, Robin was doing the Batman thing while Batman was pregnant. So Gotham was safe.

Also, Han Solo was there. He didn't do much. He was actually talking about the proper boots for carrying a blaster. Because he's fashionable and deadly.

OH! THEN! The dance sequence! This was the really weird part. I don't think the original Batman was pregnant when this happened. But maybe he was. It's kinda fuzzy.

Robin was in his Batman costume. Original Batman was also in his Batman costume. Then they danced. Very fun, broadway/jazz dancing. I THINK original Batman wanted to show that he could still be Batman.

Because, you know, Batman needs to know how to dance. To distract his enemies. Before he totally goes Batman on them and breaks bones and tracheae and stuff.

That's all I can remember from my dream about Batman Four: The Dance Knight Rises.

That's just a working title. But I think it fits. And it's my dream, so...yeah.

I'm off to talk with Christopher Nolan.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

I wash my car at night

So I can't see the spots I missed? What?!

I was driving. At night. Because legally I can do that now (Take that, sunset!). And it was a dark night. You know, not a whole lot of moon out there.

I drove by a house and saw somebody washing their car! The only reason I could see the car-washing was because my headlights were on! This was a dark area and I couldn't see any lights from his house or anything!

Just washing his car! In the dark!

Why would you do that?! Like, what advantage do you have by washing your car at night? Is there some secret I don't know about? Something about getting a cleaner clean or a sparklier sparkle or a buffier buff by doing it under the stars?

Does it even have anything to do with the stars?

I DON'T KNOW! Because I was too afraid to stop and ask! C'mon...you mean to tell me that you would stop and talk to somebody who was washing their car at night? That wouldn't frighten you?

Want to scare kids coming up to your house this halloween? Be that guy washing your car in your driveway. If any Batman or Cinderella is brave enough to walk up that driveway, they have EARNED your candy.

I couldn't do it. I'm not that strong.

Luckily, I'm an adult and I'm allowed to use a legally-acquired credit card to purchase LARGE AMOUNTS OF CANDY from the store WITHOUT having to walk by nighttime car-washers.

Take that wax-man!

I'm off to load up in the seasonal aisle.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

one secure pole position

Have you ever seen a telephone pole? Well...I guess they are technically called "utility" poles because they do a lot more than hold telephones! Like Batman's utility belt, which does more than hold up his pants. 

Utility poles hold cable, electricity, internet, sprinkles, fairy dust, phone, squirrels, and everything else!

Some of them have support cables attached. I guess to make sure they don't fall down.

It's okay. We all need support sometimes. It's healthy to admit that.

I saw one of these fancy utility poles with SEVEN support cables! SEVEN!!! That's a lot of support! That's, like, Snow Pole and the Seven Cables!

The best part? This pole is near my apartment! So even if a boulder comes rolling down the street, I will not lose my electricity!

Not that I can afford to pay my electric bill, but it's still nice to know that if I COULD pay it, I WOULD have electricity.

I also saw a bunch of puddles when I saw this heavily-cabled pole. I don't know where they came from. Maybe ducks are bored of using ponds and want to relocate. But without rain, they had to bring some of their own water.

I would like a baby duck for a pet. I would name him Olaf.

I'm off to check my meter.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj