on my world, it means hope

I guess that’s only on your world. I finally saw “Man of Steel” the other day. (Yeah, it takes me a while to finally get to the movies! I’m busy reading comics!)

So, was there any “hope” in this movie? Not really. Am I a movie critic? Nope! What I say here is just one comic book fan’s rant. Nothing special. Oh, and if you’re even lazier than I am going to the movies, there are spoilers. Also, this is really long and boring. (I just finished writing and realized that it’s REALLY, REALLY long! Like, too long to even bother reading, so go do something productive! Like, swim a marathon or play drums on your belly or something.)

I liked the movie. It was a good action movie. Not a good Superman movie. Superman is supposed to instill hope in us! This Superman did nothing like that!

I’ll start with the gooooooood stuff! The action was great! It was some of the best “super” fighting I’ve seen. Fast, but clear. Really well done. Almost as good as the end of “The Avengers,” but not as fun. Still, super cool! (Get it? Super? HA!)

The new Krypton origin was clever and totally worked. I liked it a lot. Also, all that stuff about the government not trusting an alien coming to Earth and the crazy amount of military in the movie made a lot of sense. So that was good. Especially Christopher Meloni doing what he does best. Being awesome.

Smallville? Not so awesome. Pa Kent keeps telling his son NOT to save lives! Don’t show your powers! Soooo...what could possibly inspire young Clark Kent to actually become Superman? Nothing. There is NO inspiration for him to be a hero! Way to be a buzzkill, Pa!

Like I said, the fighting was cool, but the amount of destruction was crazy! And, sure, Superman may have saved the planet, but Metropolis is gone. Literally gone. With maybe 4 people from the Daily Planet alive. Seriously. Superman made absolutely no effort to worry about humans. He actually only caught two people falling. Two.

Then, at the end, Zod is using his heat vision all over the place. Superman holds him back from killing a few people (finally, he’s saving somebody!) and to save the day, he snaps Zod’s neck.

No. Just…no. Superman doesn’t do that! I think they were trying to make it seem like he had no choice. Really?! Um…how about JUST TURNING HIS HEAD A LITTLE INSTEAD OF ALL THE WAY AROUND! Clearly that’s an option! Or making him look upward. OR STANDING UP AND FLOATING A FEW INCHES TO LET THE PEOPLE RUN AWAY! YOU CAN FLY!

Then, at the end, the military trusted Superman. But I can’t believe that the human race could possibly like him at all. Hope? Nope! (I just thought of that clever rhyme!)

So there. That’s my rant. This would have been a perfect alien invasion movie. I guess starring Will Smith or Keanu Reeves as a good super-powered alien who saves the day, but is kinda “meh” about destruction. Again, not a good Superman movie.

I never thought I’d say any Superman movie could be worse than “Returns.” But “Returns” is actually looking like a great movie now! Sure it had its flaws (boy howdy, did it have flaws!), but at least Superman was Superman!

I remember having many complaints about Batman not being very “Batman” in the recent trilogy, also. For some reason, almost every Marvel Comics movie keeps true to the character AND makes a great movie. DC Comics just can’t seem to do that.

But, people are still seeing the movies, so I guess that’s good. Whatever brings money to the company to keep making comic books! Go spend your money on “Man of Steel” movies and DVDs and Blu-rays and laserdiscs! I’ll keep buying the comics. (Sorry this is so long! I'm a little crazy. But, I warned you!)

I’m off to take a deep breath and find the real Superman. (Which I did by reading good Superman comic books all weekend!)

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

no sitting down on the job

I’ve read comic books for a long time. Probably 99.99999999999% of my life. I love them. From super heroes to crime noir, comic books are the bestest!

I like to think I know a few things about comics. I may have trouble remembering everything, but I know a good amount. Especially things that are “common knowledge.”

Like, Superman comes from Krypton. Spider-Man was bitten by a radioactive spider. Wolverine is the best there is at what he does. You know, random stuff like that.

Now, I love super hero comics. I really do. But I understand that they are from big companies and the editors have more say than the writers most of the time. Which is too bad. That would NEVER stop me from reading them, though!

One writer dealt with all the rewriting that he had to do and a scene where Batman sits next to somebody on the roof had to be changed last minute. He asked why and the editor said that Batman never sits down. Common knowledge!

WHAT?! How is that common knowledge?! He HAS to sit sometimes! He drives a car! And a plane! And a submersible!

I understand that Batman is generally jumping around beating up evil and stuff. He can still sit if he needs to! Everybody loves a good sit!

Luckily, the internet has responded by making a tumblr page with pictures of Batman sitting down.

So, please, don’t be afraid to have Batman sit. He can do more sitting down than I could do in...probably any position. And please, editors, I understand that shareholders are important, but I’m also pretty sure they’ll be fine if Batman rests his legs for a minute.

Or not. I don’t really know what happens in shareholder meetings. Maybe they all stand around and fight crime. When I say “stand,” I mean “sit.” When I say “fight crime,” I mean “make tons of money.”

I know this was a little too “comic booky” for the average person to care about. But sometimes I just need to rant a little. Publicly. For all the shareholders to see. Because shareholders are some of my biggest fans.

I’m off to sit down for a minute and hold a good share.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

look to krypton

Um...if you have a green rock that fell from space what's the first thing that comes to mind? Krypton, right? Am I the only one thinking this?!

A green rock landed in Morocco last year. They call it NWA 7325. I'm not kidding. I guess the scientists were straight outta Compton. (Though Kryptonians Wit Attitudes might be straight outta Kandor.)

I don't know why I didn't hear about this before, but I just found an article telling me that it came from Mercury.  Mercury?! Really?! You're going to tell me that a GREEN ROCK, that came FROM ANOTHER PLANET, is from Mercury?!

And get this, for a few minutes, they thought it could be from Mars! Then they studied it and found that it didn't have all the aspects of a meteorite from Mars.

But "Meteorites From Mars" would be a great name for a band.

So they decided that it's probably from Mercury. Because, yeah, that totally makes sense. Since it has low magnetic intensity and is low on iron.

Firstly, NWA should get more iron. Because you can't give blood if your iron is low. Spinach helps.

Secondly, green rocks from space are ALWAYS from Krypton! Because it blew up! If these "scientists" wanted to find out where it was from, they should have just called Superman. If he started getting weaker, we would have our answer.

Also, Krypton has a low magnetic intensity AND Superman is always having problems giving blood. I'm pretty sure it's because of low iron. So I just kinda proved that it's Kryptonite.

I'm like a scientist. In Compton.

I'm off to express myself.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

don't complain, it's natural

Gassy dinosaurs caused global warming! YEP! All that methane from giant dinos made for a "hot, wet Mesozoic era." Can you IMAGINE what that smelled like?!

Stinky!

Unlike me. I'm never stinky.

And you, too. You are never stinky.

Aren't we lucky to never be stinky like that? We are.

So these dinosaurs were tootin' up a storm keeping the planet nice and warm for all their dinosaur games when suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant rock from the planet Krypton crashes into Earth and blocks out the sun!

No more sun meant no more plants. And no more plants meant no more food. No more food meant no more methane keeping us all snuggly warm.

That's when the Ice Cream Age started! That's my favorite. It was all vanilla and yummy.

Dinosaurs ate all the ice cream. But ice cream didn't make them gassy, so it stayed cold and they didn't have wool socks to keep them warm because sheep hadn't been invented yet.

So they froze and only came back recently like Captain America.

Luckily, now we can enjoy ice cream with Captain America on hot, wet Mesozoic days.

I'm off to produce some methane.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj