that was an odd day: part two

We now return to the strange day I had at the "Large Sometimes Vowel" store. After seeing the child MAYBE stealing toys, I left the store.

I went into the parking lot where people were driving on the wrong side of the road! Now, if they were British, that can be forgiven. If not, I have no idea what was going on.

Parking lots are SCARY places! SO MANY CARS! I am amazed that I don't die more often in them. (But just in case, I have many lives available because I collected many 1-Ups.) Luckily, even with the large amount of automobiles AND not-correct-side-of-the-road driving, I made it back to my car without a single death.

FINALLY! The strangeness ended with a family showing their dog some equidae! Near my store is a stable. A few horses and (what I think is) a donkey live there. I'm sorry, I wasn't raised in a barn, so I don't know animals very well. Also, I close the door.

I saw a car pulled over with a guy pointing at a horse behind the fence. At first, I thought, "That's cute. A dad showing his baby horses! That is fun for all!"

NOPE! It was a guy showing horses to his small dog! I am not the owner of pets. But I'm totally cool with people treating their pets like children. Buying them stuff and everything. But is this dog REALLY going to get anything out of this lesson? Isn't that a little TOO much? I mean, you try to teach babies to recognize animals because that could be useful later in life. But a dog?

Example with a baby:

Dad: "Look! A horsey! Can you say horsey? What sound does a horsey make?"

Baby: "Bbbbbbbbbbbbb."

Dad: "Good job!"

Example with dog:

Dad: "Look! A horsey! Can you say horsey? What sound does a horsey make?"

Dog: "Seriously. I'm a dog. I go 'woof' or 'bark.' Take me for a walk and give me food."

Dad: "Good job!"

I guess, in twenty years, the dog will know what a donkey looks like. A lesson I may have learned if it was shown to me AS A BABY.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm the only strange person in the world or the only normal one. Statistics show that I'm the only strange one. But statistics don't know how to sound like a horsey. I do.

Take that statistics.

I'm off to get a 1-Up.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

I wash my car at night

So I can't see the spots I missed? What?!

I was driving. At night. Because legally I can do that now (Take that, sunset!). And it was a dark night. You know, not a whole lot of moon out there.

I drove by a house and saw somebody washing their car! The only reason I could see the car-washing was because my headlights were on! This was a dark area and I couldn't see any lights from his house or anything!

Just washing his car! In the dark!

Why would you do that?! Like, what advantage do you have by washing your car at night? Is there some secret I don't know about? Something about getting a cleaner clean or a sparklier sparkle or a buffier buff by doing it under the stars?

Does it even have anything to do with the stars?

I DON'T KNOW! Because I was too afraid to stop and ask! C'mon...you mean to tell me that you would stop and talk to somebody who was washing their car at night? That wouldn't frighten you?

Want to scare kids coming up to your house this halloween? Be that guy washing your car in your driveway. If any Batman or Cinderella is brave enough to walk up that driveway, they have EARNED your candy.

I couldn't do it. I'm not that strong.

Luckily, I'm an adult and I'm allowed to use a legally-acquired credit card to purchase LARGE AMOUNTS OF CANDY from the store WITHOUT having to walk by nighttime car-washers.

Take that wax-man!

I'm off to load up in the seasonal aisle.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

too much for a thank you?

Do you ever cross the street? Maybe you did once and waved to a person in the car who was letting you cross unhit.

You wave to say, "Thank you for letting me cross the street with no hittings, nice automobile driver on their way to something very important but kind enough to slow down and take a moment to enjoy the idea of street-crossing."

But is waving really enough? I was crossing the street the other day and almost blew a kiss. I mean, I waved, but right before I waved, I thought, "I bet that person would love to get a kiss as a thank you instead of a hand wave."

Don't deny it. You would like the same thing. I know it's true!

I did not blow the kiss. I'm not sure if society is ready for me to say, "Thank you for letting me cross the street and give you a kiss to show you how much I really love the fact that you are taking the time to let me stroll across pavement. And with this kiss I share with you, please also enjoy your day of driving to very important places where you'll want to hug people and share the love I shared with you during a few, precious moments of street crossery."

I'm pretty sure that's how it will be interpreted.

Or maybe I'll just get hit by a car. I don't know. Either way works for me!

I'm off to blow kisses at cars.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

tires shouldn't do this

I don't know much about cars, but I'm PRETTY sure tires are not supposed to get all woobly when you are driving. And if they do, should you keep driving? Even if they unwooble?

I was driving the other day. On the highway. Or freeway. Or parkway. Or motorway. Or autobahn. I actually don't know if there is a difference with any of those words. Pick your favorite.

I was driving. It was a road. I was not woobling. Everybody was going pretty fast. One car on this road started to slow down because their front wheels were NOT going straight. They were totally wobbling! Like crazy!

This car slows down a little. Then the wheels magically straighten out! So they speed off again!

If my tires EVER got possessed like that, I would stop in the middle of the road and trade my car with somebody who did NOT have wobble-wheels!

I've never seen anything like it.

I've also never seen anything like a giant cake falling from the sky and landing in my arms.

(I'm hoping that "things I've never seen before" start becoming "things I have seen and will possibly eat")

...

No cake yet. I'll wait. I mean, I saw the wibbly, wobbly, woobly wheels. I SHOULD be seeing that cake soon.

It would be cool if car tires were also cake. And instead of air, you filled it with cotton candy. A cotton candy filled cake-tire sounds delicioustastic.

I'm off to taste my tires.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

are car bumpers unhappy?

I know how to drive an automobile. Or, as the kids call it, a horseless carriage. And sometimes, when the police are not patrolling, I am actually allowed to drive places!

It's a lot of fun. But I do it responsibly. Partly because I like safety. Mostly because I don't want to go to jail.

For the past few weeks, I've noticed something odd during my driving adventures.

Car bumpers.

YEP! They're everywhere! Just sitting there on the side of the road!

Now, I bet you're wondering "Why would car bumpers just abandon the rest of their car bodies?"

I have 37 theories. 26 involve ninjas. 5 require large red dragons. 3 rely on theoretical physics. And 2 need me in space.

There is one other theory, but it's just too crazy to even mention. But, just in case, if you see a dinosaur with stars instead of horns that knows how to recite Shakespeare and rides on a blue cloud, please tell me. That would totally confirm my last theory.

I'd love to hear your theories. But I'm sure I already thought of it. I mean, I do have 37 of them. That's kind of a lot.

I'm off to check my bumper for ninjas.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj