Hershey’s is looking to hire a Senior Manager in “Foresight Activation.” Somebody who can see what trends will be happening in the future and make sure that Hershey acts on those trends.
They should hire me. President Hershey, this is my resume.
I see people eating chocolate bars. That is the trend. I will act on that trend by eating a chocolate bar.
The end.
Hire me.
Still not convinced?! Looking for something a little more radical? Okay, Hershey, try THIS on!
Think about how you get a TV show. It’s just info over the air. The same with Wi-Fi at home. Data just going through you.
Well! How about doing the same thing with chocolate bars! I was thinking of calling it Wonkavision. Or Wo-Fi.
That might not be legal. So, how about Hershyvision! And He-Fi!
If that’s not enough to convince you, here’s my last idea.
Put stuff in chocolate bars. Not just peanuts and caramel. Do a full-on nut bar! With peanuts, cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, and walnuts! Make it BIG.
Or do a seed bar with pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds!
Put in caramel and chocolate goo and gummy bears and popcorn and waffles and honey and maple syrup! You can even do it with the Kisses. Put a gummy bear in each one!
This is what the people want!
Now hire me.
I’m off work my activision.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label hershey kisses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hershey kisses. Show all posts
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Friday, January 20, 2012
science should know by now that this is a bad idea
What are they thinking?! Scientists have created "supersoldier" ants with HUGE HEADS! They figured out what genes to "mess around" with to give ants GIANT MANDIBLES!
REALLY?! Haven't these people watched ANY science FACT movies from the 50's! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!
I once saw a movie with giant grasshoppers. Do you know what happened. PEOPLE GOT HURT! They climbed buildings!
Do we REALLY want giant ants?! They lift 50 times their own weight. Do you know how much that is when an ant is bigger than you? I can tell you. IT'S A LOT!
Luckily, I have a backup plan. It involves gophers, hedgehogs and clip-on ties.
But we can avoid all this with one simple idea: Stop making giant ants.
INSTEAD! Let's make giant Hershey Kisses. I know what you're thinking, "They already make giant Hershey Kisses."
No. They don't. Those are kinda big Hershey Kisses. Bigger than the ones in the bag. But not GIANT. When I say giant, I MEAN GIANT! Like, as big as Australia! THAT is giant!
This way, we won't get eaten by giant ants. And we get chocolate.
I say that's a win-win. And two wins are better than a mandible crushing your head. Trust me, I know.
I'm off to talk with the hedgehogs.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
REALLY?! Haven't these people watched ANY science FACT movies from the 50's! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!
I once saw a movie with giant grasshoppers. Do you know what happened. PEOPLE GOT HURT! They climbed buildings!
Do we REALLY want giant ants?! They lift 50 times their own weight. Do you know how much that is when an ant is bigger than you? I can tell you. IT'S A LOT!
Luckily, I have a backup plan. It involves gophers, hedgehogs and clip-on ties.
But we can avoid all this with one simple idea: Stop making giant ants.
INSTEAD! Let's make giant Hershey Kisses. I know what you're thinking, "They already make giant Hershey Kisses."
No. They don't. Those are kinda big Hershey Kisses. Bigger than the ones in the bag. But not GIANT. When I say giant, I MEAN GIANT! Like, as big as Australia! THAT is giant!
This way, we won't get eaten by giant ants. And we get chocolate.
I say that's a win-win. And two wins are better than a mandible crushing your head. Trust me, I know.
I'm off to talk with the hedgehogs.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
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