Hershey’s is looking to hire a Senior Manager in “Foresight Activation.” Somebody who can see what trends will be happening in the future and make sure that Hershey acts on those trends.
They should hire me. President Hershey, this is my resume.
I see people eating chocolate bars. That is the trend. I will act on that trend by eating a chocolate bar.
The end.
Hire me.
Still not convinced?! Looking for something a little more radical? Okay, Hershey, try THIS on!
Think about how you get a TV show. It’s just info over the air. The same with Wi-Fi at home. Data just going through you.
Well! How about doing the same thing with chocolate bars! I was thinking of calling it Wonkavision. Or Wo-Fi.
That might not be legal. So, how about Hershyvision! And He-Fi!
If that’s not enough to convince you, here’s my last idea.
Put stuff in chocolate bars. Not just peanuts and caramel. Do a full-on nut bar! With peanuts, cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, and walnuts! Make it BIG.
Or do a seed bar with pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds!
Put in caramel and chocolate goo and gummy bears and popcorn and waffles and honey and maple syrup! You can even do it with the Kisses. Put a gummy bear in each one!
This is what the people want!
Now hire me.
I’m off work my activision.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Showing posts with label maple syrup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label maple syrup. Show all posts
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
more canadian currency
Canada has this annoying habit of being TOTALLY AWESOME ALL THE TIME.
A brief recap on why I love Canada. Amazing candy and fun money. And NOW they are making money even more funner!
Recently they made a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur quarter and Superman coins. I know what you’re thinking, “Five of my most favoritest things are dinosaurs, space, Superman, robots, and unicorns.”
Well, Canada is bringing more of your favorite things to you! Not just one, but TWO!
The new $5 note will have robots IN SPACE. They made robot arms for the International Space Station and they will be pictured on the bill.
The arms have names, too. One is Dextre (the Canadian spelling of Dexter), and the other is Canadarm2. It’s a clever mash-up of the words “Canada” and “arm.” And since Canadians have two arms, there is a 2.
These space robots are on the new $5 bill! Once they do a unicorn bill, I WILL move to Canada and spend lots of money!
It will be so much fun!
Clerk: “That awesome candy will cost one space robot, a Superman, and a dinosaur.”
Me: “Can you break a unicorn?”
Clerk: “Is a maple syrup?!”
Me: “I have no idea what that means, but I’m gonna say yes!”
Oh, and if trains are on your list of favorite things, you’ll be happy to know that the $10 bill has a train on it. I’m not a huge train person, but I do know a meteorologist and a chemical engineer who are BOTH railfans. So they may also enjoy Canada.
I’m off to syrup my maple.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
A brief recap on why I love Canada. Amazing candy and fun money. And NOW they are making money even more funner!
Recently they made a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur quarter and Superman coins. I know what you’re thinking, “Five of my most favoritest things are dinosaurs, space, Superman, robots, and unicorns.”
Well, Canada is bringing more of your favorite things to you! Not just one, but TWO!
The new $5 note will have robots IN SPACE. They made robot arms for the International Space Station and they will be pictured on the bill.
The arms have names, too. One is Dextre (the Canadian spelling of Dexter), and the other is Canadarm2. It’s a clever mash-up of the words “Canada” and “arm.” And since Canadians have two arms, there is a 2.
These space robots are on the new $5 bill! Once they do a unicorn bill, I WILL move to Canada and spend lots of money!
It will be so much fun!
Clerk: “That awesome candy will cost one space robot, a Superman, and a dinosaur.”
Me: “Can you break a unicorn?”
Clerk: “Is a maple syrup?!”
Me: “I have no idea what that means, but I’m gonna say yes!”
Oh, and if trains are on your list of favorite things, you’ll be happy to know that the $10 bill has a train on it. I’m not a huge train person, but I do know a meteorologist and a chemical engineer who are BOTH railfans. So they may also enjoy Canada.
I’m off to syrup my maple.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Monday, June 3, 2013
sticky money smells good
Canada has new money that smells like maple syrup! Well, that’s according to the citizens of Canada. Also known as Canadanites.
According to the official Bank of Canada, “The bank has not added any scent to the new bank notes.”
So why is everybody smelling maple syrup? Some people think it’s all psychosomatic. That people want to believe it, so they all smell maple syrup. (Is it normal to smell your money? Is that a Canadanite thing to do? Is it weird that I DON'T smell my money?)
I have another theory. Everything in Canada is made out of maple syrup. Do you remember Fraggle Rock? And the Doozers? They made all their buildings out of radishes and the Fraggles LOVED them!
Well, Canadians are like maple syrup Doozers. I mean, maple syrup is pretty much everywhere in Canada. It practically grows on trees. So the Bank of Canada (secretly) said, “Let’s use this stuff to make money!”
And make money they did!
The bad thing is that the money can melt. You may think I am making that up. I am not. Though I sometimes (almost always) fabricate the facts, this one is not fabricated at all. The money melts and gets sticky when it gets too warm. It’s best to store your money in the fridge to keep it fresh. If you put it in your wallet, it might get gooey on a hot day.
I know, this is Canada, you would never think it gets hot there. But it’s tricky because of their Celsius temperatures!
You might say, “It’s only 40 degrees out! My money won’t melt!” Then you go outside and maply syrup money is melting everywhere! Because when you convert 40 Canada into American-language, it’s 104 degrees!
I’m going to bring a bottle of maple syrup to the Bank of Canada and tell them all my money melted and they should give me new money. I’ll get a really big jug, so they’ll have to give me billions of dollars. I’ll be maple-rich!
I’m off to dance my cares away.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
According to the official Bank of Canada, “The bank has not added any scent to the new bank notes.”
So why is everybody smelling maple syrup? Some people think it’s all psychosomatic. That people want to believe it, so they all smell maple syrup. (Is it normal to smell your money? Is that a Canadanite thing to do? Is it weird that I DON'T smell my money?)
I have another theory. Everything in Canada is made out of maple syrup. Do you remember Fraggle Rock? And the Doozers? They made all their buildings out of radishes and the Fraggles LOVED them!
Well, Canadians are like maple syrup Doozers. I mean, maple syrup is pretty much everywhere in Canada. It practically grows on trees. So the Bank of Canada (secretly) said, “Let’s use this stuff to make money!”
And make money they did!
The bad thing is that the money can melt. You may think I am making that up. I am not. Though I sometimes (almost always) fabricate the facts, this one is not fabricated at all. The money melts and gets sticky when it gets too warm. It’s best to store your money in the fridge to keep it fresh. If you put it in your wallet, it might get gooey on a hot day.
I know, this is Canada, you would never think it gets hot there. But it’s tricky because of their Celsius temperatures!
You might say, “It’s only 40 degrees out! My money won’t melt!” Then you go outside and maply syrup money is melting everywhere! Because when you convert 40 Canada into American-language, it’s 104 degrees!
I’m going to bring a bottle of maple syrup to the Bank of Canada and tell them all my money melted and they should give me new money. I’ll get a really big jug, so they’ll have to give me billions of dollars. I’ll be maple-rich!
I’m off to dance my cares away.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
Thursday, December 27, 2012
oceans of syrup 11
So earlier this year, Canada had some maple syrup missing. 3,000 tons of it. Luckily, the thieves have been caught! YES! 18 people were captured taking maple syrup out of the "Official Strategic Reserve of Maple Syrup" in Saint-Louis-de-Blandford.
It's Canadian. What do you expect for a name?
How much syrup is that, you ask? Good enough for 180 million pancakes. Or, if you're like me, good for 10 pancakes. I like a LOT of maple syrup.
Now, in these United States of America, we have a Strategic Oil Reserve. Which kinda makes sense. You may not be a fan of the petrol, but we need it. A lot. It kinda runs EVERYTHING.
Would the world actually stop if maple syrup was gone? I mean...do you really need a STRATEGIC reserve of it?
Oh...did I mention they have 46 MILLION POUNDS OF IT ON RESERVE! STRATEGICALLY!
Now if we could only power cars on maple syrup! That would be something special! I would just go to the pump and chug it!
I don't do that now. Because gas does NOT taste good. And it might kill me. Which is bad. So don't do that.
Now we know why nobody attacks Canada. They have all the maple syrup. NOBODY wants to mess that up!
"Hello? Canada? We're going to attack you with big weapons and stuff."
"Oh, hi. Yeah, we have all your maple syrup, you know, eh. If you ever want to eat a pancake again, you might want to rethink this decision. Eh?"
"Oh...um...does the United States have anything cool?"
"Nope."
"Ok. We'll call them. Thanks for the syrup!"
That conversation happens every day. It might be time to move to Canada.
I'm off to maple my syrup.
Enjoy Everything.
-dj
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