space cannons

You know how we have NASA? Japan has a space program, too. But with a cooler name! JAXA! It’s the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency.

Don’t think it’s a cool name? Try this experiment. Jump into a room full of people one day and yell, “NASA!”

Then, the next day, do the same thing, but shout, “JAXA!”

Which one gets the better reaction? That’s right! JAXA! Trust me, I’ve been testing this out for weeks! Besides being banned from 38 businesses, I now know that JAXA is much more fun to scream.

JAXA has created a space cannon. To shoot at asteroids. Much like the 1979 Atari game.

This is technically supposed to shoot an asteroid so they can collect debris to test. But I’m pretty sure it’s really being made just in case a giant asteroid decides to attack Earth. Japan will shoot it for us and save the planet.

Also, in my head, they shoot the asteroid and yell “JAXA!” right after. If Japan doesn’t shout it, I will.

When I was space pirate, I had space cannons on my ship. They were not used for research. They were used to save damsels and…um…guys in distress. What’s the guy version of damsel? What is "damsel?" Hold on…I have to go look this up.

…

Got it! A damsel is a “young, unmarried woman.” It looks like “bachelor” is the best choice for an opposite.

We would save damsels in distress and bachelors in…um…bleakness! Bleakness works!

What was I talking about again? Oh…right…me being a space pirate. Which is totally true. And I would yell “JAXA!” after every successful mission.

I didn’t succeed a lot. That’s why I’m not a space pirate anymore.

I’m off to cannon an asteroid.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

lots of stuff...IN SPACE

India shot a bunch of Canadian stuff into space today! I don't know why today. (Or why it's in India.) Maybe everything just happened to be ready to go to space at the same time and they thought they would kill seven escape velocities with a single rocket. In India.

First, let me tell you about the "Canadian Suitcase." That's the unofficial name for it. I use that name because the official name is LAME. The Canadian Space Agency's Near-Earth Object Surveillance Satellite. Or NEOSSat. Seriously. That's what they call it for short.

Granted, I'm not Canadian. NEOSSat might actually be a common word in Canada. Like Maple or Bacon. Maybe it's an ancient Canadian word meaning "maple bacon...in space!"

NEOSSat (or maple bacon in space) is going to look for asteroids and space junk. So we know what kind of stuff could fall on us.

For some reason, they did not put lasers on it to shoot space junk or asteroids.

ALSO going into space are the Bright Target Explorer (or betterly code-named BRITE) satellites. They are 2 super tiny space telescopes that will look at stars.

Also, no lasers. Which is weird because if stars or asteroids or junk star falling onto Earth, wouldn't we want to stop them?

NEOSSat: "Hey Earth! There's this giant asteroid coming right at you!"

BRITES: "Also, Earth, there are a bunch of stars falling on you, too!"

EARTH: "As unlikely as all that seems, why don't you laser them or something!"

NEOSSat: "Um...we were built without lasers."

BRITES: "Yeah... ... ...awkward..."

EARTH: "Who built you?!"

NEOSSat/BRITES: "Canada."

EARTH: "Curse you Canada! Stop maple-ing bacon and start lasering!!!"

And that is why we can't have nice things.

I'm off to maple my bacon.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

hello, my name is asteroid

But my friends call me 2102 DA14. Or D-troid for short. Because I'm cool like that.

Okay, I'm not really an asteroid. I'm me. But it would be totally cool if I could be an asteroid! And do asteroid-y things! Like...orbit stuff...in space.

So on Friday, D-troid will fly by Earth. Really, really close. Closer than the satellites that help us find directions and watch cartoons and stuff!

The closest moment will be at 2:26pm on February 15. 17,200 miles away. (That's 27,680 kilometers). A satellite is about 22,000 miles above the Earth.

This asteroid is 150-feet wide. About half the size of a football field. I hope that comparison helps. I have no idea what a football field looks like. I imagine a football field to have mountains and deserts and desserts and stairs. I'm not a big fan of stairs, so I don't really pay attention.

Luckily, this asteroid won't hit any football fields. But if that was a fear, I know how to get rid of it.

My triangle spaceship.

It doesn't take turns very well, but it spins great. And if I jet forward a little, I can spin it again. Then I go "pew pew pew" and blow up asteroids.

Sometimes flying saucers get in my way. I take care of them too. I'm a ruthless triangle.

Also, Ruthless Triangle would be a great name for a band. And a great name for a super secret space program to destroy asteroids. Which it may or may not be. I'm not at liberty to say. Because I keep good secrets.

But just a heads up, if you see a flying isosceles, get out of the way.

I'm off to catch an asteroid.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj