time comes to you

Why travel to the future when you can make the future come to you! A man in Tehran claims he created a kinda, sorta time machine.

It doesn't really flux capacitate. More like flux caprintout...itate...

Ali has created the "Aryayek Time Traveling Machine." It will tell you what will happen to you in the next 5-8 years of your life. Using "complex algorithms."

I will also tell you what will happen in the next 10 years of your life. Using algorithms of complexion.

Find me in 10 years and let's check on my accuracy.

Know why we don't have access to this AMAZING device yet?! He says that "the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight."

Which, granted, is probably true. So you can't blame the guy.

But who cares about that?! I travel in time at least twice a year! I'll go forward and backwards one FULL HOUR. It's crazy. I really can't explain it. My phone will just pop forward an hour or back an hour sometimes!

My phone is amazing! It takes pictures and plays music and texts AND takes me through time!

I may have a time travel app. I don't remember finding that at the app store, but time travel may or may not have messed up my memory.

Also, many blows to the head may or may not have messed up my intelligence. So says my anesthesiologist. Wait...no...maybe it was the neurosthesiologist?

I can't remember.

I'm off to fall back in time.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

national pie day

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned how much I love pie. That's a lie. I am sure I've mentioned it a lot. But I'm PRETTY sure I haven't mentioned National Pie Day! TODAY!

It is officially sanctioned by the (totally real) American Pie Council. There are celebrations going on all over the United States! There are places where you can get free pie! Get pie stickers! Even get your picture taken with a pie!

No time to get to those? The Great American Pie Festival is coming later this year! The American Pie Council does NOT mess around. They know that pie needs to be celebrated nationally and festivally.

Their website has pie recipes, ways to celebrate National Pie Day, AND pie merch!

I have decided to throw all my clothes away and buy ALL pie attire. I shall call it Haute (Apple Pie) Couture.

Even though I don't like apple pie. Well, I have yet to have an apple pie that I liked. There are officially 231 different varieties of apple pie logged in the council's archives. I will not rule out the chance that I will like 147 of them.

So please, have a pie party today. A pie-rty! Get all your pie-pals together and make pie! Then eat pie! Then make MORE pie! Then EAT more pie! Then recite the Pie Oath!

In pie-est day and crusty night,
No filling shall escape my sight,
Apple, pecan, and strawberry I bite,
Let's eat some pie, Green Lantern's light!

Okay...so I stole the oath from Green Lantern...and couldn't figure out a good way to end it. But still, Green Lantern loves pie, so I'm pretty sure it works. Instead of a power ring, I have a power pie.

I'm off to eat pie. Simple as that.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

pictures on the door

I like rooms with pictures on the doors. I feel very ancient Egyptian. Like bathrooms. Instead of wasting a lot of space on the door saying "This is a bathroom for the male gender," or "This door opens the way to a bathroom for women," all they do is put a nondescript humanish thing on the door with either their hands facing straight down, for men, or their arms lifted a little due to a triangle-ish outfit, for women. (Yes, that was a long sentence.)

I would like triangley clothes. They seem comfortable. Sadly, I cannot find any. If I did, I still wouldn't go into the women's room.

A woman DID go into the men's room, though! JUST as I was walking to the sink, the door opened and an older lady walked in. She said, "Sorry, the other bathroom is closed."

She SAID sorry, but I could hear in her voice that she wasn't really sorry at all. Possibly because she had to go to the bathroom. Sometimes when I really have to go, I get cranky, so I won't hold it against her.

Perhaps the door should have a sign that says, "Men...and sometimes Women. If the other Women is closed."

In MORE bathroom adventures (it was a busy week!), I got to hear music in there! It's pretty common to hear people's phones go off while in the bathroom. So, sometimes I get to hear a minute of a song before going to voicemail.

Or, in some cases, before the guy in the stall answers it. Which is...their prerogative.

But it's VERY rare that I just hear music! Like, somebody in the stall listening to their playlist. Not a phone call. Just an "I'm-bored-so-I'll-listen-to-music" situation.

Maybe the gentleman was a little shy and wanted cover music. Which is fine. That's totally understandable.

Maybe the sign on the door should have a picture of musical notes on it. Just as a warning.

Or it could say "Men...and sometimes Women. If the other Women is closed. With the possible chance of music playing."

If I learned anything from ancient Egypt, all I'd have to do is have a picture of a guy and a gal with musical notes over their head.

Of course, I might think it's a discotheque and not a bathroom. And that would be cool to have down the hall, but not as useful. Even though ancient Egyptian discotheques were fun. They had disco pyramids instead of disco balls. It was awesome.

I'm off to put on a triangle.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj