that was an odd day: part two

We now return to the strange day I had at the "Large Sometimes Vowel" store. After seeing the child MAYBE stealing toys, I left the store.

I went into the parking lot where people were driving on the wrong side of the road! Now, if they were British, that can be forgiven. If not, I have no idea what was going on.

Parking lots are SCARY places! SO MANY CARS! I am amazed that I don't die more often in them. (But just in case, I have many lives available because I collected many 1-Ups.) Luckily, even with the large amount of automobiles AND not-correct-side-of-the-road driving, I made it back to my car without a single death.

FINALLY! The strangeness ended with a family showing their dog some equidae! Near my store is a stable. A few horses and (what I think is) a donkey live there. I'm sorry, I wasn't raised in a barn, so I don't know animals very well. Also, I close the door.

I saw a car pulled over with a guy pointing at a horse behind the fence. At first, I thought, "That's cute. A dad showing his baby horses! That is fun for all!"

NOPE! It was a guy showing horses to his small dog! I am not the owner of pets. But I'm totally cool with people treating their pets like children. Buying them stuff and everything. But is this dog REALLY going to get anything out of this lesson? Isn't that a little TOO much? I mean, you try to teach babies to recognize animals because that could be useful later in life. But a dog?

Example with a baby:

Dad: "Look! A horsey! Can you say horsey? What sound does a horsey make?"

Baby: "Bbbbbbbbbbbbb."

Dad: "Good job!"

Example with dog:

Dad: "Look! A horsey! Can you say horsey? What sound does a horsey make?"

Dog: "Seriously. I'm a dog. I go 'woof' or 'bark.' Take me for a walk and give me food."

Dad: "Good job!"

I guess, in twenty years, the dog will know what a donkey looks like. A lesson I may have learned if it was shown to me AS A BABY.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm the only strange person in the world or the only normal one. Statistics show that I'm the only strange one. But statistics don't know how to sound like a horsey. I do.

Take that statistics.

I'm off to get a 1-Up.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

stay out of the water

This is crazy. The Ukrainian Navy trains dolphins to detect mines, plant explosives and (according to reports) attack enemy divers using "specially-adapted head-mounted knives or pistols."

You read that right. These dolphins wear knife-hats and know how to use them.

Unfortunately, the Ukrainians lost their killer dolphins. YEP! LOST THEM. They are now roaming the seven seas detecting mines, planting explosives and looking for enemy divers to attack WITH KNIFE-HATS!

I totally believe this. Have you ever had dinner with some narwhals and have a dolphin show up? It's awkward.

Narwhals can be snooty and dolphins sometimes feel insecure that they don't also have a unicorn horn. I know many dolphins who would jump through hoops for the chance to wear a knife attachment!

Who knows where they could be or what they're doing. They could be plotting a plot that involves world domination!

Or they could just be poking around looking for fish.

But most likely world domination!

Hence the need for a unicorn army to defend the world! And if we can't find unicorns, we will train horses to wear "specially-adapted head-mounted knives or pistols" to protect us. I'm pretty sure that's what the Royal Canadian Mounted Police ride on.

Unless they lost them. Which would be bad. Because if the horses and the dolphins have gone rogue, all we have left to rely on is ourselves and we can't be trusted.

Or can we...DUN DUN DUNNNNN! (I have no idea what I'm talking about.)

I'm off to specially adapt a head mount.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

that's no maple leaf

Canada is in a fiscal crisis! You could say (and this will be funny later when you know the story) that they are on a fiscal limb! (It's a tree joke...wait for it...)

Canada has brand new $20 bills. As always, they look like colorful  candy. (Actually, as far as I'm concerned, everything in Canada is sugary and edible.) But, there is a BIG botanical brouhaha over the dollar design. More specifically, the maple leaf. (See? The tree joke is making sense now!)

The leaf on the new bill has FIVE lobes! Five you say? Five I say!

You know from your years of botanical studies that the 5-lobed maple leaf is from the invasive Norway maple tree. NOT the beautiful 3-lobed sugar maple that proudly sits on the Canadian flag.

Now the banks and botanists are fighting. It WILL go down in history as the Bank/Botanical Battle Boogaloo.

The bank said it's a mish-mash of ALL maple trees. Because they accept all maple currency in Canada. Botanists aren't buying it...and are afraid it won't buy them anything.

You: "Here's your payment for all these plants and tree-things I'm buying at this wonderful botany store."

Botanist Cashier: "What's this? This isn't money! And trust me, I know from silly looking money, eh! I'm full-on Canadian and KNOW what a sugar maple leaf looks like and this, my friend, is Norwegian money!"

You: "I swear this is real money! Even though it looks totally fake like all Canadian money even though it's really real, eh!"

Botanist Cashier: "Get out of my store you Norwegian counterfeiter! Mounties! I need some Mounties! Royal Canadian Mounties! This person is Norwegian!"

That was the last time I did anything botanical. It was also the last time I rode a horse. But that's more hippological and less botanical.

I'm off to maple a tree.

Enjoy Everything, Eh.

-dj

dinosaur meat

When dinosaurs return to the living, (That's right. WHEN. Because they will be back. IF they aren't back already???) which one would you eat?

That's what somebody tried to figure out. I found this article and it's awful! Dinosaurs should NEVER be eaten! They should be treated as equals!

IF you are curious, they say we would probably want herbivores. Because most of the meat we eat now comes from herbivores. And they make for a better meat.

Want good white meat? Try some armored dinosaurs.

Hadrosaurs would be good for red meat since they were on the move a lot.

But again, don't eat dinosaurs! If any dinosaur is reading this, I fully support your return to the world and would never eat you so you should make me a king of people-dinosaur relations.

Now, if dinosaurs return and are not intelligent enough to run governments (even though I'm hopeful they will be), then we should treat them like beloved pets.

Every day I would play fetch with my T-Rex. I would take my Apatosaurus for the best walks ever!

And I would ride my Triceratops all over town! Because Triceratopses LOVE going for a daily ride. They're like horses. Or unicorns. But with three horns. A tricorn.

I love this world of dinosaurs.

I bet they like getted petted and not eated. So we shouldn't eat dinosaurs. Ever.

I'm off to be a dinosaur king.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj