the royal society of chemistry

Sounds like an official place, right?! Like, the King and Queen of the Periodic Table! (Written Ki and Qu.) Making decrees and such about chemicals!

“I decree that yttrium is totally fun to say and we will celebrate it today!”

Done! It’s decreed! You can’t fight it because chemistry and decrees always win!

Okay, so you know about the Royal Society of Chemistry. Do you know about the British Cheese Board? It’s not a wooden board for cutting cheese. It’s an actual group of people who promote cheese. Yes. This is real.

I know this doesn’t make sense yet, but it will...I think.

The British Cheese Board (BCB) cannot figure out cheese on toast. They are having a competition where people will send in their recipes on how to make cheese on toast.

I am NOT making this up.

I believe I have a solution to their problem. Put cheese on toast. Done.

I guess it's more complicated in Britain. They are going to get recipes from the citizens and then send the top eight (which I imagine will all consist of cheese going on toast) to the Royal Society of Chemistry. For scientific testing.

Again, ALL OF THIS IS TRUE. Are we done with using chemistry for something useful? Is Cheeseontoastium the newest element on the Periodic Table?

I hope the British Peanut Butter Board knows about this. They should team up with the Royal Society of Physicists to discover the secrets of the universe. But only if you send them your peanut butter on toast recipes. They’re having trouble figuring that out.

Luckily they know how to put jam on their toast. That’s actually how we keep the Earth from crashing into the sun. Thanks to the British Jam Board and the Royal Society of Solarists.

Imagine the secrets we’d discover if they started the British Hummus Board! (I know, I’m blowing your mind! And using the same joke too many times!)

I’m off to cheese my toast.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

combine them all for easy use

I found a beverage that has a COMBINED serving of fruit and vegetables. Legally, I am supposed to have 2 cups of fruit and 3 cups of vegetables every day. 

If I do not, I get slapped by a cruciferous vegetable.

Cruciferous always makes me think iron is having a bad day. Luckily, every time we're missing an r, iron lives another day!

No, not because it's ion. This is more of a chemistry joke than an electron joke.

It's funny...really...well, I mean, if I have to explain it, it's not funny. Just trust me, somebody will like it!

So, in theory, we need 5 servings of both during the day. This beverage counts as one COMBINED serving. So...I guess...half of each?

I have no idea how to follow the servings rule after that. Therefore, we need a new system. ALL fruits and veggies will be combined!

Now you can enjoy some yummy garlemons! Maybe throw some carricots in your salad! Or snack on some zuccananas!

This makes life so much easier! Have 5 fruiggies in the day and you can avoid a slapping!

...

You're still annoyed by my joke earlier, aren't you. Look, don't blame me for the confusion. Blame Faraday! If he didn't start using the term "ion" when he was playing with electrodes, it would have died with the Greeks and we wouldn't even THINK that's what I meant by the missing r! We would just have to worry about the Latin root for ferrous!

This would be so much easier if I knew how to make sense.

I'm off to drink a fruiggie.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj