house is closed

I saw this house the other day with a “Closed” sign on it.

Can they do that?! Can I just “Close” my house?! It's not like I'm the government and can shut down, right?!

Or am I? I could just put hours on my door when visitors are allowed!

Granted, I haven’t had a visitor to my home in…well…ever actually.

But it’s nice to think that if I ever NEEDED some privacy, that I could put a sign out there!

If I’m in an entertaining mood, I could just flip the sign around to say “Open” and everybody would come by!

Maybe that’s why nobody comes over. I don’t have a sign saying “Open” when I'm in a “let’s all watch Doctor Who and read comic books together” mood.

Hmmm…yeah, I’m pretty sure I'd still have no visitors.

Even with a “Closed” sign, I’d probably still go up to the house and look in the windows to see if anybody was there. I do that with stores. If there is a store that I REALLY want to go to, I’ll put my face right up to the window to make extra, super sure that nobody is there.

Don’t deny it! You’ve done it too! Like when you find a cupcake store and you’re really in the mood for a cake of cuppen! You’ll hope that even though they closed 3 hours earlier, the owner might still be in there making cupcakes for anybody willing to smoosh their face on the window!

Because you do that at your job, right? You stay extra late just hoping that you can work more for people who need your services long after your scheduled hours.

Maybe I should just get a hat that has a small “Open” and “Closed” sign on it. Maybe some hours as well. To let people know when I’m available for talkins.

It would be a cowboy hat. Because I would look cool in that.

I’m off to put a sign on my door.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

cerebral organoids

Everybody loves it when stuff goes "mini." Like, mini versions of ponies and piggies and Kit Kats and M&M's and pancakes.

How about a mini brain? Science has one for you!

How cool is this? They grew a brain! It's technically a cerebral organoid. And no, I'm not making this up even though I watched Doctor Who all weekend and it SOUNDS like I'm talking about the Ood.

These are mini brains that you can bring around with you anywhere you want! They're only 4 millimeters around. Small enough to fit in your pocket!

You thought you phone was smart? Wait until you use your extra brain!

Scientists want to use these cerebral organoids to find out why problems occur in some heads. They can study brains as they develop without your skull getting in the way.

My skull gets in the way of lots and lots of things. Mostly walls and low-hanging metal bars. Sometimes my skull gets in the way of other people, but they have no problem moving it. Aggressively.

It'll be fun to have a mini brain around. Well, fun until they start to grow mini bodies to do their mini evil deeds and take over mini worlds and fly around in mini rockets shooting mini laser guns.

Of course, everything will be so cute when it's mini, that we won't mind the mini hostile takeover! Especially if they make adorable mini otters. THAT would be a cuteness overload!

My brain might literally explode from cuteness. Then I will need to buy a new cerebral organoid to replace the old one.

I could probably fit, like, 10 of these mini ones in my skull. I'd have tons of brains in there! I would probably be able to see in 10 dimensions! 3D movies will just look flat to me! They'll have to go 11D!

Get your cerebral organoids now! Before they become celebrities after starring in Doctor Who.

I'm off to fill my skull.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

tell earth we're busy tonight

I was doing research on very important things when I came across an article about aliens. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. I was looking up stories about aliens when I came across an article about aliens. But I DO that so I can share important news with you! 

Well, that’s not entirely true. I do that because I like to read about aliens. 

Anyway! Back to the story! I came across a theory as to why we haven’t met any aliens yet because it's unlikely that humans are the only creatures in the entire universe. 

Now, it could be pretty tough for any of those other beings to actually travel to Earth. But, if they did, they probably have the ability to NOT be seen. 

So, what if they did come here, observed, and kinda said, “Meh…let’s go to another planet.”

I know! I read that theory and was ALSO offended! How could these aliens NOT want to hang out with us?! 

If there are any aliens flying by Earth and reading this, let me show you that we’re worth a visit! 

I will show you a good time! Here’s our day. We’ll go to Panera and get some food. Then get some frozen yoghurt (yes, I spelled it that way on purpose). Then we’ll go to the comic book store and buy lots and lots of comics. Read lots and lots of comics. Then we’ll find a fair and get some cotton candy and ride the carousel! 

Then, for day 2, we’ll have a Doctor Who marathon and eat tons of candy! 

Day 3 will consist of tea and crumpets. I don't know what a crumpet is, but we'll buy some and eat them and then run through the sprinkler. 

If that doesn’t entice you, well I’m pretty much out of ideas. I mean, that would probably be the best three days ever. I don’t know anybody who would disagree. 

Granted, I don’t know a lot of people. But if I DID, they WOULD agree. 

I’m off to crumpet. 

Enjoy Everything. 

-dj

poll me maybe

There's a company that polls Americans. About anything and everything. They call themselves  Public Policy Polling. They are awesome because they ask the most RIDICULOUS questions.

They asked about aliens and conspiracies and stuff and it's amazing how many people believe in some things. I guess 47 million people believe the government is controlling our minds through TV.

Which, if they are, they're not getting a lot done. Unless they want people to not agree on politics most of the time, then they're doing a GREAT job.

They ALSO asked if the world is run by lizard people. 12 million people think this is true!  Totally, absolutely true!

Whaaaaat is going on in the world?! Did I completely miss something? Like...the actual existence of lizard people? And not just their existence, but the fact that they have jobs as government officials? With great benefits, possibly including heated rocks?

I'm pretty sure I've seen lizard people on Doctor Who and on Star Trek. Neither group decided to rule the human race. They were not terribly impressed.

I wish there were lizard people. I mean, humans are great and all, but we're all pretty much the same.  Biologically speaking. It would be nice to have a little more variety.

Maybe find an alien with two hearts. Or a lizard person with lizardy skin. Or Yoda.

Sometimes I like to believe that Star Trek is a documentary that was shot in the future and sent back in time as an awesome science fiction show. If they polled me on that, I would have totally said that Star Trek was 100% real.

And THAT is why lizard people sigh and hang their heads when they look at the human race.

I'm off to watch TV. Because the voices tell me to.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

triple isn't very big

I love cotton balls! They're so useful! I mean, when you need something cottoned, then they can totally get the job done! Except they are too small!

I even buy the triple size cotton balls. TRIPLE! I can't imagine what single size cotton balls would look like. They're probably microscopic. As in, you would need four super strong microscopes to even SEE them.

Not even being overdramatic, either.

I wish they made them a little bit bigger. I know triple sounds great. Like, triple size cupcakes would be cool. But at that point, would they just become "cake?"

At what size does a cupcake become a cake? Are they related? I have seen giant cupcakes, but they look like cake. So are they the same? Are they different species in the Edible Kingdom?

Where in evolution did the cake and the cupcake split?

These are questions that are way above my head. I may have the occasional existential crisis in life, but this is TOO existential.

"Occasional Existential" would be a good name for a band, though.

Unfortunately, existentially and unexistentially speaking, I still don't have a solution to my cotton balls.

"The Cotton Ball Solution" would also be a cool name for a band. Or a book. About cupcakes. And bunnies. OH! Maybe they travel through time and save the world!

Or not...I really gotta stop watching so much Doctor Who.

I'm off to get bigger cotton balls.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

chimpanzees and orangutans are cool

Chimpanzees and orangutans are longly-named and adorable primates. Sadly, for these furry friends, they also have midlife crisiseses like their human cousins.

I've gone through many crisiseseses in my life. Because, really, you NEVER know when your ACTUAL middle of life will be! It's best to have a regular crisis every few years just to make sure you get that midlife one. Don't want to miss out!

Researchers questioned the chimps and orangs on how successful they felt. Apparently, they felt like they haven't achieved much in life. Still haven't paid off their tree mortgage. Still sitting at that rock answering phones all day. Going home to a bucket of food and an ipad left by their keepers.

What happened to your dreams?! Traveling the world! Being a movie star! Taking a woman up a building! Owning a small cupcakery in New York!

What happened to freedom!!!

I'll tell you what happened! SOCIETY...and tranquilizer darts from animal researchers...But mostly society!

If only these orangazees were allowed back into the wild, life would be fulfilling.

Actually, if humans were freed from the binds of the world and allowed to live in the wild, we would have a whole new world! A new fantastic point of view! (Now Aladdin is stuck in your head. Sorry.)

A world of freedom! A world of LIVING!

Do they have Doctor Who in the wild? I like that show. Maybe give me wild freedom and the BBC. That would be great.

I'm off to have a crisis.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj